The Graduation
So I graduated last week, which is a pretty big deal, when you think about it. A funny thing has been happening though: people have been asking all week, "So, how'd it go?"
I don't really get this. How do these people THINK it went? I mean, sure, they can be asking about the weather, or the speakers, or whatever, but why don't they narrow down their question? "How was the ceremony?" is a much more precise question than "How'd it go?" Where am I supposed to go from here? I always answer it the same way: "Well, it went as well as it goes, I guess... I got the degree, so that's the big thing, right?"
And then the other person laughs like this little self-effacing laugh and says, "Right, right," like I am a wise-ass, and then they ask the specific question they were aiming for in the first place. It kills me.
The other thing I find pretty funny is that everyone asks, "So, how does it feel to be a graduate?" as though I am going to come up with some profound answer. Again, I pretty much have the same, "Umm, I guess good," response to this one too. Sometimes I wonder if people get a manual on life with all the questions they're supposed to ask people. Otherwise, I don't think anybody would care. Does anybody really care how I feel now that I'm a graduate versus an undergraduate? I didn't think so. I never ask a question that I don't care to know the answer to.
Okay, that's not true at all.
No, really, not true at all.
Anyway. People have been pretty nice about the whole graduation thing. In case anyone really is wondering, here is a recap of what I think and how it all went:
First, we had to show up really early for this whole security thing because a big shot was speaking at the ceremony. They had warned us that we'd need IDs and to go through airport security and that we'd have the Secret Service checking everyone out. So we had to get there three hours early. In the cold drizzle.
Right.
Let me just say that I think Southwest Airlines, the bastard child of airlines, probably has tighter security than what we went through. The Fung-Wah bus in Chinatown probably has more security than the commencement ceremony.
It took us approximately thirty seconds to go through a rinky-dink metal detector, during which a security guy told me, "I don't even know what the hell is going on," when asked if I needed my ID. Good to know, good to know.
Well, then they had promised us a reception and breakfast, because we had to be there insanely early. This turned out to be a few tables set up with airline-type food bags of bagels and that grossly packaged cream cheese and butter and crap. Nice touch, folks.
The worst part came when we found out we had to be corralled at 8:15 to wait in these dank tents until 11 AM for the ceremony. Somehow, I'm going to find the person that thought of this idea and demand those three hours of my life back. Either that, or I swear I'm building a tent and using a cold sprinkler system to make this person stand in a graduation robe in there for at least three hours. Any complaining, I'm giving him a cold, stale bagel. The end of that.
A few hours later, I had my degree and it's pretty cool when they give them to you because they're in this nice red foldery thing that makes it look very official. That was, hands down, the best part of the day. Walking across the stage, getting the foldery thing, and staring at it. Four years, it comes down to this piece of paper with someone's stamped signature. It feels good.
They didn't do the "I'd like to present the class of 2005" and we didn't move our tassles from one side of our hats to the other and we didn't throw them up in the air, which basically makes the whole experience completely anti-climactic though. Sometimes you have to wonder who plans this stuff. They should have to go to planning school because this clearly requires some sort of skill, and I can tell you that someone at BU didn't have it.
A major cool thing about graduation, though, is that you get all these congratulations, and if you're lucky, cash with envelopes... I mean, envelopes with cash. Right. Well, I cleaned up today with my father's family. I was pretty worried about the whole thing because one of my aunts (ok both) are infamous for giving really weird gifts. I'm liable to get a tree branch from my aunt. Well, these people, they came through! For once in my life, I will not be too embarrassed to return anything. In fact, I won't have to return anything! And, they didn't get me stupid gift cards to places I don't shop. Amazing. Plus, as an added bonus, my aunt got completed tanked at lunch today and started slurring her words during this whole speech she was giving about life and all. The best part came at the end, after she said I was smart and my brother was talented. She told my sister, "Shtephie, you just go with the flow and I gottatellyathat's90%oflife." The only thing that may have - MAY have - topped that was when she yelled at the waitress that she wanted an espresso with Bailey's in it, and the waitress told her that's impossible, to which my aunt drunkely replied, "Lishten, whatsgoeswithBaileys?" and the waitress said, "Coffee?" So she goes, "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! I'll have coffee. With BAILEY'S. Okay? Coffee with Baileys!" Then she went on and on about how good it was to see everyone. She had to be completely gone to come up with any of that bullshit, let me just tell you.
Anyway, some people were pretty heated about the whole behavior of my aunt, but the truth is, she put in a pretty decent amount for me today so I really didn't care if she got completely housed. That's the other thing about graduation, for me. I'm not proud to admit it, but any time there's a gift-giving opportunity (ahem, now) I get wicked excited. I've been telling my mother that I'm ready to collect, and that's the sad truth. Sure, there's some joke in the extreme that I take this to, but anybody who says that they didn't look forward to the cash envelopes is a liar. Think about it: I am getting PAID to have spent four years having an amazing time. Awesome. This has to be the easiest money ever made. I wonder who started this tradition of giving money for graduating from college. Someday, I'm going to find this person and give them a huuuuuge hug. Only you know what? Someone who came up with this idea has to be way cooler than someone who would want a hug in exchange. I bet someone like this would want cash. And who could really blame them, anyhow?
I don't really get this. How do these people THINK it went? I mean, sure, they can be asking about the weather, or the speakers, or whatever, but why don't they narrow down their question? "How was the ceremony?" is a much more precise question than "How'd it go?" Where am I supposed to go from here? I always answer it the same way: "Well, it went as well as it goes, I guess... I got the degree, so that's the big thing, right?"
And then the other person laughs like this little self-effacing laugh and says, "Right, right," like I am a wise-ass, and then they ask the specific question they were aiming for in the first place. It kills me.
The other thing I find pretty funny is that everyone asks, "So, how does it feel to be a graduate?" as though I am going to come up with some profound answer. Again, I pretty much have the same, "Umm, I guess good," response to this one too. Sometimes I wonder if people get a manual on life with all the questions they're supposed to ask people. Otherwise, I don't think anybody would care. Does anybody really care how I feel now that I'm a graduate versus an undergraduate? I didn't think so. I never ask a question that I don't care to know the answer to.
Okay, that's not true at all.
No, really, not true at all.
Anyway. People have been pretty nice about the whole graduation thing. In case anyone really is wondering, here is a recap of what I think and how it all went:
First, we had to show up really early for this whole security thing because a big shot was speaking at the ceremony. They had warned us that we'd need IDs and to go through airport security and that we'd have the Secret Service checking everyone out. So we had to get there three hours early. In the cold drizzle.
Right.
Let me just say that I think Southwest Airlines, the bastard child of airlines, probably has tighter security than what we went through. The Fung-Wah bus in Chinatown probably has more security than the commencement ceremony.
It took us approximately thirty seconds to go through a rinky-dink metal detector, during which a security guy told me, "I don't even know what the hell is going on," when asked if I needed my ID. Good to know, good to know.
Well, then they had promised us a reception and breakfast, because we had to be there insanely early. This turned out to be a few tables set up with airline-type food bags of bagels and that grossly packaged cream cheese and butter and crap. Nice touch, folks.
The worst part came when we found out we had to be corralled at 8:15 to wait in these dank tents until 11 AM for the ceremony. Somehow, I'm going to find the person that thought of this idea and demand those three hours of my life back. Either that, or I swear I'm building a tent and using a cold sprinkler system to make this person stand in a graduation robe in there for at least three hours. Any complaining, I'm giving him a cold, stale bagel. The end of that.
A few hours later, I had my degree and it's pretty cool when they give them to you because they're in this nice red foldery thing that makes it look very official. That was, hands down, the best part of the day. Walking across the stage, getting the foldery thing, and staring at it. Four years, it comes down to this piece of paper with someone's stamped signature. It feels good.
They didn't do the "I'd like to present the class of 2005" and we didn't move our tassles from one side of our hats to the other and we didn't throw them up in the air, which basically makes the whole experience completely anti-climactic though. Sometimes you have to wonder who plans this stuff. They should have to go to planning school because this clearly requires some sort of skill, and I can tell you that someone at BU didn't have it.
A major cool thing about graduation, though, is that you get all these congratulations, and if you're lucky, cash with envelopes... I mean, envelopes with cash. Right. Well, I cleaned up today with my father's family. I was pretty worried about the whole thing because one of my aunts (ok both) are infamous for giving really weird gifts. I'm liable to get a tree branch from my aunt. Well, these people, they came through! For once in my life, I will not be too embarrassed to return anything. In fact, I won't have to return anything! And, they didn't get me stupid gift cards to places I don't shop. Amazing. Plus, as an added bonus, my aunt got completed tanked at lunch today and started slurring her words during this whole speech she was giving about life and all. The best part came at the end, after she said I was smart and my brother was talented. She told my sister, "Shtephie, you just go with the flow and I gottatellyathat's90%oflife." The only thing that may have - MAY have - topped that was when she yelled at the waitress that she wanted an espresso with Bailey's in it, and the waitress told her that's impossible, to which my aunt drunkely replied, "Lishten, whatsgoeswithBaileys?" and the waitress said, "Coffee?" So she goes, "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! I'll have coffee. With BAILEY'S. Okay? Coffee with Baileys!" Then she went on and on about how good it was to see everyone. She had to be completely gone to come up with any of that bullshit, let me just tell you.
Anyway, some people were pretty heated about the whole behavior of my aunt, but the truth is, she put in a pretty decent amount for me today so I really didn't care if she got completely housed. That's the other thing about graduation, for me. I'm not proud to admit it, but any time there's a gift-giving opportunity (ahem, now) I get wicked excited. I've been telling my mother that I'm ready to collect, and that's the sad truth. Sure, there's some joke in the extreme that I take this to, but anybody who says that they didn't look forward to the cash envelopes is a liar. Think about it: I am getting PAID to have spent four years having an amazing time. Awesome. This has to be the easiest money ever made. I wonder who started this tradition of giving money for graduating from college. Someday, I'm going to find this person and give them a huuuuuge hug. Only you know what? Someone who came up with this idea has to be way cooler than someone who would want a hug in exchange. I bet someone like this would want cash. And who could really blame them, anyhow?
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