Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Winding Down on Wednesday

It dawned on me that classes are over. I wouldn't really know because I've been student-teaching, so my year doesn't end until May 16th or so, but for everyone else, today marked the end of classes. Soon people will be leaving and all, and I'll be graduating, which freaks me out, to tell you the truth. I don't really feel ready at all.

I'm not one of those "Just get me out" types, even though I have complained about every annoying thing that BU can possibly throw at a person. And I'm even coming back, but I still feel like putting off May 22nd for as long as possible (which, umm, is 18 days. Holy shit.) The thing is, I just have had such a good time these past four years. There's absolutely nothing better. I can't think of a way I'd rather have spent any of it. And so in a way, I dont' really want it to end. I also hate change, like have a psych-disorder in dealing with it almost, and so that's part of it.

I remember sophomore year, I didn't want to say goodbye or leave my room or my floor. I was pretty upset about the whole thing. Anyway, when I was packing up on my last day, I found a bug on my desk, right near my backpack. And if you know me, you know that I absolutely hate bugs. In fact, if I had more time, I'd write about some of my bug freakouts. I'm notorious for freaking out over tiny little bugs, but the truth is, I just hate them and think they're the worst things anybody ever created. I hate nature people who say bugs are good. Bugs are the worst thing on earth, as far as I'm concerned. So, anyhow, I found this bug on my desk, and just like that, I was like, "Okay, I'm ready." Don't ask. I don't even know why that pushed me and made me ready - aside from making me grossed out - but I kind of need something like that to happen now.

Don't get me wrong - I don't want to find any bugs or anything, because I'm staying in the building this summer and for next year (I know, I know, so how much change am I really talking about anyway?!) but I'm hoping to find something that pushes me towards being ready to just move on and end senior year. I'm not looking for some greater sign in the universe. Trust me, I'm done looking for those. Just today, I had such good luck for about fifteen minutes, I said to myself, "Wow, what a lucky day. Nothing can go wrong," and then I got a notice from the collections office at the university. Yeah, that's like a huge sign-slap-in-the-face. Good news, though, it all worked out.

Maybe that little letter was my sign, now that I think about it, because you know what I think? People who send these letters, after they tell you that your account is settled, are total morons.

Oh, and maybe another sign was that while driving, Joe got road rage and then a guy threw a soda at his car.

Hmm. I'll be thinking about this.