The Request
This conversation took place today:
"Do you know what would just make my day?" asked some random lady at Fenway Park.
"You mean besides being at Fenway for the home opener, where you'll see the Sox get their World Series rings and you'll get to see them play the Yankees?" I responded.
"Umm, yeah."
"Well no, then, I guess I don't know what would make your day. Please, tell me." Now, let me just say, that when I said this to the woman, I was sincere in tone. Do you have any idea how much talent it takes to fake tone?
A lot.
"Well, my boyfriend, see, he just loves Ben Affleck."
"Wait, your BOYFRIEND loves Ben Affleck?"
"Oh yeah, he just loves him." (Umm, lady? Your Boyfriend? I think he wants a boyfriend.)
"Okay..."
"So, I was thinking, could I, like, ask Ben if he'd drive home with me so I could have him meet my boyfriend?"
"I'm sorry, can you say that again?"
"Sure. I was thinking, I live like, five minutes away. Could I just ask Ben to come home with me for oh, only, say, 5 minutes, just to meet my boyfriend, because he just loves him, and he'd be getting home from work by then?"
"Umm, you want Ben Affleck to drive to your house - "
"No, I'd drive him."
"Oh, okay. You want to DRIVE Ben Affleck to your house - "
"Actually, it's my boyfriend's house."
"Right. So you want to drive Ben Affleck to your boyfriend's house, so that he can meet him, because he just is his biggest fan?"
"Yes!"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"For real?"
"Yes."
"So 'yes' may be a 'yes' to Ben?"
"No, the 'yes' was a 'yes' to 'Is this 'no' for real?' "
"So you're saying no."
"That's right."
"Even if he just lives around the corner?"
"Even if he lives just around the corner."
"Even if I TELL him that it's for my boyfriend who just loves him?"
"Honestly, ma'am, that might scare him even more."
"So I can talk to him?"
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that."
"So to recap - "
"No."
"I can't recap?"
"You can. But even with the recap, the answer is unequivocally no."
"Does that unequivoc whatever change the meaning?"
"No."
"So..."
"So to recap, no."
"Wow, that really woulda made my day."
These people exist. Like it's not enough that she is at Opening Day, that she's going to see the Sox get their rings, that she's going to see the Sox vs. the Yankees, that she's at the toughest ticket in town. None of it matters, apparently, because her boyfriend can't meet Ben Affleck, at their home, after the game, after he's driven with her five minutes down the road. Sometimes I wonder, what goes through these people's minds before they ask the question? I mean, is it me, or do people usually think about the questions they are going to ask employees? Because not only did she mean to ask me, but she asked a ticket-taker to find their supervisor/manager, and then she asked me. She went through TWO LEVELS to ask if she could give Ben Affleck a ride to her rundown apartment in the Fens! Let me take a stab at this answer: no! AND, she got annoyed at me that I wasn't going to go ask Ben, just to make sure that he wouldn't want to do it. Listen, lady, I can figure this out on my own. Ben's got his own car. He's got Jennifer Garner waiting somewhere for him. Do you really think this is going to be a tough decision for him? "Hey Ben, this woman out there, she wants to know if you'll go in her car and drive to her house to meet her boyfriend, who claims to be your biggest fan. And umm, yeah, I have no idea if you're going to be held hostage or sexually assaulted, but the ride's only five minutes. And, plus, you'd just be MAKING HER DAY!"
Give me a break.
"Do you know what would just make my day?" asked some random lady at Fenway Park.
"You mean besides being at Fenway for the home opener, where you'll see the Sox get their World Series rings and you'll get to see them play the Yankees?" I responded.
"Umm, yeah."
"Well no, then, I guess I don't know what would make your day. Please, tell me." Now, let me just say, that when I said this to the woman, I was sincere in tone. Do you have any idea how much talent it takes to fake tone?
A lot.
"Well, my boyfriend, see, he just loves Ben Affleck."
"Wait, your BOYFRIEND loves Ben Affleck?"
"Oh yeah, he just loves him." (Umm, lady? Your Boyfriend? I think he wants a boyfriend.)
"Okay..."
"So, I was thinking, could I, like, ask Ben if he'd drive home with me so I could have him meet my boyfriend?"
"I'm sorry, can you say that again?"
"Sure. I was thinking, I live like, five minutes away. Could I just ask Ben to come home with me for oh, only, say, 5 minutes, just to meet my boyfriend, because he just loves him, and he'd be getting home from work by then?"
"Umm, you want Ben Affleck to drive to your house - "
"No, I'd drive him."
"Oh, okay. You want to DRIVE Ben Affleck to your house - "
"Actually, it's my boyfriend's house."
"Right. So you want to drive Ben Affleck to your boyfriend's house, so that he can meet him, because he just is his biggest fan?"
"Yes!"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"For real?"
"Yes."
"So 'yes' may be a 'yes' to Ben?"
"No, the 'yes' was a 'yes' to 'Is this 'no' for real?' "
"So you're saying no."
"That's right."
"Even if he just lives around the corner?"
"Even if he lives just around the corner."
"Even if I TELL him that it's for my boyfriend who just loves him?"
"Honestly, ma'am, that might scare him even more."
"So I can talk to him?"
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that."
"So to recap - "
"No."
"I can't recap?"
"You can. But even with the recap, the answer is unequivocally no."
"Does that unequivoc whatever change the meaning?"
"No."
"So..."
"So to recap, no."
"Wow, that really woulda made my day."
These people exist. Like it's not enough that she is at Opening Day, that she's going to see the Sox get their rings, that she's going to see the Sox vs. the Yankees, that she's at the toughest ticket in town. None of it matters, apparently, because her boyfriend can't meet Ben Affleck, at their home, after the game, after he's driven with her five minutes down the road. Sometimes I wonder, what goes through these people's minds before they ask the question? I mean, is it me, or do people usually think about the questions they are going to ask employees? Because not only did she mean to ask me, but she asked a ticket-taker to find their supervisor/manager, and then she asked me. She went through TWO LEVELS to ask if she could give Ben Affleck a ride to her rundown apartment in the Fens! Let me take a stab at this answer: no! AND, she got annoyed at me that I wasn't going to go ask Ben, just to make sure that he wouldn't want to do it. Listen, lady, I can figure this out on my own. Ben's got his own car. He's got Jennifer Garner waiting somewhere for him. Do you really think this is going to be a tough decision for him? "Hey Ben, this woman out there, she wants to know if you'll go in her car and drive to her house to meet her boyfriend, who claims to be your biggest fan. And umm, yeah, I have no idea if you're going to be held hostage or sexually assaulted, but the ride's only five minutes. And, plus, you'd just be MAKING HER DAY!"
Give me a break.
<< Home