While You Were Out To Lunch...

Some memos that would be helpful for the NCAA Tourney:

To: Syracuse Men's Basketball Team
From: Me

Message: Syracuse, I hate you. I hated you before I bet on you to win against UVM, but now I hate you even more because you completely messed up my NCAA bracket. Also, I don't like the colors orange and navy blue together, either. And your coach looks like a tool.

To: University of Vermont Men's Basketball Team
From: Me

Message: I should have bet on you. The reason I didn't is because I don't like your middle-aged fans who trek all the way around New England to cheer on an America East team that never has a chance of winning a game in the NCAA tournament. Now that argument's shot to shit. Still, while I have your attention, enjoy Coppenrath now, because I don't think your team will ever have a guy as good as he is on your team. He should run for mayor. Hold please.

To: Taylor Coppenrath
From: Me

Message: Hey Taylor, you rule. I'd like to propose some business ideas, because I basically think you could run Vermont if you wanted, and I like money. I mean, I have really good innovative ideas for you. How does Coppenrath, Vermont sound? How about Elana Coppenrath? Give me a call back.

To; Duke Men's Basketball Team
From: Me

Remember 1999? 2004?

To: UConn Men's Basketball Team
From: Me

Don't do this to me.