Major Oversight + Bonus Story from Hell
In my "For Real" post, I listed Paul as the best SED advisor I have had. Holy crap! I totally omitted Johanna, who not only was a stellar SED advisor, but has continued to be my Advisor for Life. The capital letters are deserved because there is not a life matter that I do not consult her on. Usually this takes place over breakfast at Zaftig's, or while we are driving around trying to figure out toll plazas on our way to Target, Old Navy, or the Gap outlet. She's given me advice from what classes to take, to how to apply to be an RA, to what color shirt looks best.
The one thing is, though, Johanna once fixed me up with this guy. She told me how great he was, and there was a certain reason I didn't want to go out with him, but I was too embarrassed to admit why. I thought I'd be called horrible, so I said okay, I'll go out with him. Also, she threatened me a few times. She told me she had met him at a bachelorette party she had been to (no, he wasn't PART of the party plans) and he was just so nice that she had to introduce us, because otherwise, she would have gone out with him. This should have tipped me off, because who really meets a guy in a bar (I know, I know) and then introduces him to her friend as though this is going to work? In hindsight, this idea has trainwreck written all over it.
I have no idea why I still went. Actually, I do. See, Johanna guilt tripped me into it and was like, "Ok, I will never introduce you to another good guy if you don't go out with him." Crap. So I decided to just go.
First sign of trouble. Wait, we already had this. Okay, second sign of trouble: the phone call.
She calls him up, hands me the phone, we have about thirty seconds of awkward silence/"do you really want to go out" talk and then decide he will call me and we'll set something up. I go back into the living room to watch TV and die.
We decided to go see a movie. This is a pretty safe thing, because I'm not into this guy before I've even met him, so at least I can watch a movie and then possibly have to sit through an awkward dinner, but at least there's movie conversation to carry us through. ... Right?
Bad Sign #3: When he shows up (15 minutes late) and we get the tickets ("I guess I have to get your ticket because I asked you out." "No, no, it's okay, I can get it." "No, you really can't because I'd feel even worse than I will when I'm out $6." Niiiice.)
Good thing #1: There's no time to talk to him because we're late for the movie, so it's already started when we arrive.
Things Are Getting Bad Sign #4: Movie ends. I liked it. He hated it. "I don't like things that make you think." Then, "I guess we should get dinner still." Oh yeah. Sign me up to continue this fun. But I still figure I shouldn't be horrible, so I agree and we go back to Bertucci's at Kenmore Square. On our way over, we have the following conversation. You might wonder how I remember this, word for word. The short answer is it's impossible to forget a gem like this.
Incidentally, this also moves us to our next checkpoint, Nobody Should Ever Be Put Through This Bad Sign #5:
"So, Johanna said you were transferring to BU," I begin the conversation.
"No."
"Umm, yeah, she said you were transferring to be an English major at BU this fall?"
"No... I'm at Bunker Hill."
"Oh. ... Well, are you an English major there?"
"Umm... yeah... I guess."
"Oh... okay. So, umm, who's your favorite author?"
"R.L. Stine."
"R.L. Stine?"
"Goosebumps."
"Right."
Thankfully, an opportunity to thank and say goodbye to the T driver stopped this conversation. When we got to Bertucci's, I got another repreive when I got to talk to the hostess and waiter. Things were looking up!
We order, saying nothing to each other except:
"They have good pizza here."
"Yeah."
"Pizza is so good."
"Yeah."
You Have Officially Reached Rock Bottom Bad Sign #6: After we place our order, the conversation moves to this:
"So, after this, we'll go back to my place, have sex?"
"Hahahahaha."
"Is that funny?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why is that funny?"
"Were you serious?"
"Well... I mean, I paid for the movie, I'm going to pay for dinner. I figure it's fair."
"Hahahahaha."
"Why are you laughing?"
"Umm, sorry."
"So?"
"Oh, no, not going to happen. Sorry."
"Okay. Well, I'll be right back."
And here, folks, is where we reach our finale. (As in, yes, it can get even worse, even when you think you've had all you can handle.)
You Thought You'd Had the Worst But Haha No Bad Sign #7: After I disappoint him with my laughter at his request, he gets up for a moment. And then another moment goes by. And a minute. Then a few minutes. And then it hits me: this guy's not coming back. I look for a coat, but it's summer and 85 degrees, so there's really nothing to come back for. Finally, like a huge saucepan right across the face, it his me hard: I. Am. A. Loser.
When the waiter came back with the food, he just looked at me sadly. I explained what happened to him. His face literally went from shock to sad when he first heard what happened to when he reacted to my patheticness at not only having a horrible, horrible date but being stood up WHILE out with him. It was like, "Oh my god, I can't believe this happened" to "Oh my god, I can't believe this happened to YOU" in about two seconds flat. So sad.
In a move that I have yet to determine is nice or "I'll take pity on her," another waiter I've seen there several times came over and ate the guy's abandoned meal with me on his break and then didn't charge me for either. It made me feel better I suppose, but the real satisfaction came after Bertucci's, on my walk home.
It dawned on me, as I left the restaurant, that it really wasn't my fault all this had happened. No no. Johanna was going to hear from me. Luckily, she was there and picked up her phone. I told her what happened.
"What???" she asked. "You're kidding!" I hear her relay the story to her fiance, who in turn laughs in the background.
"No," I say. "I'm not even exaggerating."
"I'm really sorry."
"It's okay."
"I guess I was more drunk than I thought." (Incidentally, Thing She Should Have Said Much, Much, Much Earlier Bad Sign #8)
Anyhow, I don't want this to seem like I don't absolutely think the world of Johanna, because I do. And I would still go out with a guy she recommends. There's a catch, of course, which I told her that night.
"Next time, you have a party, invite me, invite the guy. This way, if he's horrible, you have to deal with him, too."
"Okay, it's a deal," she said. And she's stuck to it. Sign #5890234109 why I think she's the best.
Oh, and a quick side note here: Raph and Doug win huge points for being Roomus advocates. When someone wants to make a T-shirt in your honor, and when someone tells random people how much they like reading what you write, you've got it made. They always make my day, for real.
The one thing is, though, Johanna once fixed me up with this guy. She told me how great he was, and there was a certain reason I didn't want to go out with him, but I was too embarrassed to admit why. I thought I'd be called horrible, so I said okay, I'll go out with him. Also, she threatened me a few times. She told me she had met him at a bachelorette party she had been to (no, he wasn't PART of the party plans) and he was just so nice that she had to introduce us, because otherwise, she would have gone out with him. This should have tipped me off, because who really meets a guy in a bar (I know, I know) and then introduces him to her friend as though this is going to work? In hindsight, this idea has trainwreck written all over it.
I have no idea why I still went. Actually, I do. See, Johanna guilt tripped me into it and was like, "Ok, I will never introduce you to another good guy if you don't go out with him." Crap. So I decided to just go.
First sign of trouble. Wait, we already had this. Okay, second sign of trouble: the phone call.
She calls him up, hands me the phone, we have about thirty seconds of awkward silence/"do you really want to go out" talk and then decide he will call me and we'll set something up. I go back into the living room to watch TV and die.
We decided to go see a movie. This is a pretty safe thing, because I'm not into this guy before I've even met him, so at least I can watch a movie and then possibly have to sit through an awkward dinner, but at least there's movie conversation to carry us through. ... Right?
Bad Sign #3: When he shows up (15 minutes late) and we get the tickets ("I guess I have to get your ticket because I asked you out." "No, no, it's okay, I can get it." "No, you really can't because I'd feel even worse than I will when I'm out $6." Niiiice.)
Good thing #1: There's no time to talk to him because we're late for the movie, so it's already started when we arrive.
Things Are Getting Bad Sign #4: Movie ends. I liked it. He hated it. "I don't like things that make you think." Then, "I guess we should get dinner still." Oh yeah. Sign me up to continue this fun. But I still figure I shouldn't be horrible, so I agree and we go back to Bertucci's at Kenmore Square. On our way over, we have the following conversation. You might wonder how I remember this, word for word. The short answer is it's impossible to forget a gem like this.
Incidentally, this also moves us to our next checkpoint, Nobody Should Ever Be Put Through This Bad Sign #5:
"So, Johanna said you were transferring to BU," I begin the conversation.
"No."
"Umm, yeah, she said you were transferring to be an English major at BU this fall?"
"No... I'm at Bunker Hill."
"Oh. ... Well, are you an English major there?"
"Umm... yeah... I guess."
"Oh... okay. So, umm, who's your favorite author?"
"R.L. Stine."
"R.L. Stine?"
"Goosebumps."
"Right."
Thankfully, an opportunity to thank and say goodbye to the T driver stopped this conversation. When we got to Bertucci's, I got another repreive when I got to talk to the hostess and waiter. Things were looking up!
We order, saying nothing to each other except:
"They have good pizza here."
"Yeah."
"Pizza is so good."
"Yeah."
You Have Officially Reached Rock Bottom Bad Sign #6: After we place our order, the conversation moves to this:
"So, after this, we'll go back to my place, have sex?"
"Hahahahaha."
"Is that funny?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why is that funny?"
"Were you serious?"
"Well... I mean, I paid for the movie, I'm going to pay for dinner. I figure it's fair."
"Hahahahaha."
"Why are you laughing?"
"Umm, sorry."
"So?"
"Oh, no, not going to happen. Sorry."
"Okay. Well, I'll be right back."
And here, folks, is where we reach our finale. (As in, yes, it can get even worse, even when you think you've had all you can handle.)
You Thought You'd Had the Worst But Haha No Bad Sign #7: After I disappoint him with my laughter at his request, he gets up for a moment. And then another moment goes by. And a minute. Then a few minutes. And then it hits me: this guy's not coming back. I look for a coat, but it's summer and 85 degrees, so there's really nothing to come back for. Finally, like a huge saucepan right across the face, it his me hard: I. Am. A. Loser.
When the waiter came back with the food, he just looked at me sadly. I explained what happened to him. His face literally went from shock to sad when he first heard what happened to when he reacted to my patheticness at not only having a horrible, horrible date but being stood up WHILE out with him. It was like, "Oh my god, I can't believe this happened" to "Oh my god, I can't believe this happened to YOU" in about two seconds flat. So sad.
In a move that I have yet to determine is nice or "I'll take pity on her," another waiter I've seen there several times came over and ate the guy's abandoned meal with me on his break and then didn't charge me for either. It made me feel better I suppose, but the real satisfaction came after Bertucci's, on my walk home.
It dawned on me, as I left the restaurant, that it really wasn't my fault all this had happened. No no. Johanna was going to hear from me. Luckily, she was there and picked up her phone. I told her what happened.
"What???" she asked. "You're kidding!" I hear her relay the story to her fiance, who in turn laughs in the background.
"No," I say. "I'm not even exaggerating."
"I'm really sorry."
"It's okay."
"I guess I was more drunk than I thought." (Incidentally, Thing She Should Have Said Much, Much, Much Earlier Bad Sign #8)
Anyhow, I don't want this to seem like I don't absolutely think the world of Johanna, because I do. And I would still go out with a guy she recommends. There's a catch, of course, which I told her that night.
"Next time, you have a party, invite me, invite the guy. This way, if he's horrible, you have to deal with him, too."
"Okay, it's a deal," she said. And she's stuck to it. Sign #5890234109 why I think she's the best.
Oh, and a quick side note here: Raph and Doug win huge points for being Roomus advocates. When someone wants to make a T-shirt in your honor, and when someone tells random people how much they like reading what you write, you've got it made. They always make my day, for real.
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