The Update Ramble Style
- A few days ago, a woman came up to me at work and told me she had her father in her pocket. "Well, three tablespoons anyhow," she said. Every time I think I've heard it all, these things happen.
- Also, there's this incredibly sketchy guy at work who sells food outside. All the time, people come up and look out sadly at the cart of food and want to know if they can possibly break the no re-entry policy to get a sausage from this guy's cart. I always look at them like they are insane, because if they took a second and watched how this guy prepared his fare - smoking a cigarette, scratching his ass, wiping his mouth, and handing people their order ALL WITH THE SAME HAND - they'd want to puke. But no. They just keep ordering and this guy stays in business.
Anyway, the guy is clearly a health code violation. People have standing bets on how old his shoes are (right now, 1986 is looking like the best guess). So, a few months ago, I'm reading the Globe at work and they're doing this article on the baby boom that they think happened 9 months after the World Series. They start talking about this couple, Dan and Jen, who are standing outside talking to a vendor. They give his name and location, and I realize who it is, and I start to get a little nauseous. And then I read that he kissed this woman's pregnant stomach while the beaming father, Dan, looked on. I sent the article to a few people, and their reactions were all the same: "I am going to go puke up my breakfast," "I'm going to cry in a fetal position and pretend I never heard this," "That kid is going to come out so fucked up," and "Thanks for ruining my day, I was supposed to go out to lunch." Whoops.
There's really no point to all of this, aside from me sharing about a disgusting, disgusting man. But really, that's point enough for me.
- I lost my navy blue Old Navy flip flops.
- Today, I got a coffee from Dunkin Donuts. We had a huge order, so they labeled the tops of the coffees so nobody would get confused. This was helpful, except for two things: first, the blue marker ran and got all over my nice white computer. This looks to be remedied, but I'd rather not have blue-tinted keys and have to tell people it's from my Dunkin Donuts iced coffee; and two, they abbreviated "French Vanilla/skim milk" "FV skim milk" only it looks just like "FU skim milk." This made me laugh out loud.
Come on, that's funny.
- The Red Sox are the only team in major league baseball that can be in first place but have it feel like second place. You'd think that the game and a half lead was non-existant, the way people are freaking out about the Yankees. I mean, sure, their bullpen is scarier than Kelly Clarkson, but they ARE in first place. I think Red Sox fans are still afraid that if the Yankees catch up and take the division this year, the Sox are going to look like losers. This makes sense because they will, in fact, be losers, and second, because it will erase the fact that the Yankees haven't dominated this season. These two things really can't happen.
- This conversation actually took place:
"Hey, can I go out and come back in?"
"Actually, no, we have a no re-entry policy."
"So can I go out and come back in?"
- I was at the Rolling Stones concert, which proved to be entertaining for a few reasons. One of the main reasons was that I could tell people "You can't always get what you want" after their insane request was denied, which has always been something I've wanted to tell insane customers, but this was the first time I could get away with it and label is "cute" or "quick" rather than "rude" or "unprofessional." So that was a good time. (Incidentally, I could also ask, "You can't get no satisfaction?" This also became a highlight. Some people, in case anyone is wondering, don't laugh at these jokes.)
- Incidentally, some people are also morons devoid of humor and personality. Just a footnote.
- Okay, I bought some munchkins for the staff during move-in shifts, and some woman just asked if she could have one. So I said okay, because I'm not going to be like, "No, you can't have one," and her response was: "Well, if they're not for the public, then I won't take one." This sounds like a reasonable comment, only I'm telling you, the tone was absolutely insane. It was like it was a personal affront that I didn't have donuts for all the people moving in. I kinda just stood there for a moment, until she continued, "Well, I would have them for the public is all. I mean, the public should be allowed to have a donut."
You know what I said? "I agree." Smile.
Stunned speeeeechless.
- No, really, it's a big deal that I lost my navy blue Old Navy flip flops.
- Can somebody puhleaze explain to me this new pants/capris trend that makes every girl have a wedgie? It's not attractive, and yet, every single girl seems to own a pair.
- Two movie recommendations: "The Aristocrats" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Obviously both are for mature audiences only, and by mature I mean people who don't mind vulgarity that's borderline illegal.
- A quick postscript on the above story about the french vanilla FU skim milk coffee. This was funny, only now I see that people have been looking strangely at me and my coffee. And what am I supposed to do, cut them off at the pass and say, "Oh, this coffee doesn't say FU, it says FV but looks like FU"? I don't think that really works, because knowing my luck, the person would be like "Uhhh I was just looking at the paper under the coffee." Or, "What? That looks like FV to me." It's pretty much a lose-lose situation.
I'm finishing the coffee and throwing away the cup.
- And last, people have been wondering why I haven't updated anything since August 11th. First of all, August 11th isn't that far back. And second, as is evident from the update, there really wasn't that much newsworthy stuff that happened. To wrap up, it's still hot and humid, I still have no air conditioning, and no worries, the morons are out in full force.
Status quo.
- Also, there's this incredibly sketchy guy at work who sells food outside. All the time, people come up and look out sadly at the cart of food and want to know if they can possibly break the no re-entry policy to get a sausage from this guy's cart. I always look at them like they are insane, because if they took a second and watched how this guy prepared his fare - smoking a cigarette, scratching his ass, wiping his mouth, and handing people their order ALL WITH THE SAME HAND - they'd want to puke. But no. They just keep ordering and this guy stays in business.
Anyway, the guy is clearly a health code violation. People have standing bets on how old his shoes are (right now, 1986 is looking like the best guess). So, a few months ago, I'm reading the Globe at work and they're doing this article on the baby boom that they think happened 9 months after the World Series. They start talking about this couple, Dan and Jen, who are standing outside talking to a vendor. They give his name and location, and I realize who it is, and I start to get a little nauseous. And then I read that he kissed this woman's pregnant stomach while the beaming father, Dan, looked on. I sent the article to a few people, and their reactions were all the same: "I am going to go puke up my breakfast," "I'm going to cry in a fetal position and pretend I never heard this," "That kid is going to come out so fucked up," and "Thanks for ruining my day, I was supposed to go out to lunch." Whoops.
There's really no point to all of this, aside from me sharing about a disgusting, disgusting man. But really, that's point enough for me.
- I lost my navy blue Old Navy flip flops.
- Today, I got a coffee from Dunkin Donuts. We had a huge order, so they labeled the tops of the coffees so nobody would get confused. This was helpful, except for two things: first, the blue marker ran and got all over my nice white computer. This looks to be remedied, but I'd rather not have blue-tinted keys and have to tell people it's from my Dunkin Donuts iced coffee; and two, they abbreviated "French Vanilla/skim milk" "FV skim milk" only it looks just like "FU skim milk." This made me laugh out loud.
Come on, that's funny.
- The Red Sox are the only team in major league baseball that can be in first place but have it feel like second place. You'd think that the game and a half lead was non-existant, the way people are freaking out about the Yankees. I mean, sure, their bullpen is scarier than Kelly Clarkson, but they ARE in first place. I think Red Sox fans are still afraid that if the Yankees catch up and take the division this year, the Sox are going to look like losers. This makes sense because they will, in fact, be losers, and second, because it will erase the fact that the Yankees haven't dominated this season. These two things really can't happen.
- This conversation actually took place:
"Hey, can I go out and come back in?"
"Actually, no, we have a no re-entry policy."
"So can I go out and come back in?"
- I was at the Rolling Stones concert, which proved to be entertaining for a few reasons. One of the main reasons was that I could tell people "You can't always get what you want" after their insane request was denied, which has always been something I've wanted to tell insane customers, but this was the first time I could get away with it and label is "cute" or "quick" rather than "rude" or "unprofessional." So that was a good time. (Incidentally, I could also ask, "You can't get no satisfaction?" This also became a highlight. Some people, in case anyone is wondering, don't laugh at these jokes.)
- Incidentally, some people are also morons devoid of humor and personality. Just a footnote.
- Okay, I bought some munchkins for the staff during move-in shifts, and some woman just asked if she could have one. So I said okay, because I'm not going to be like, "No, you can't have one," and her response was: "Well, if they're not for the public, then I won't take one." This sounds like a reasonable comment, only I'm telling you, the tone was absolutely insane. It was like it was a personal affront that I didn't have donuts for all the people moving in. I kinda just stood there for a moment, until she continued, "Well, I would have them for the public is all. I mean, the public should be allowed to have a donut."
You know what I said? "I agree." Smile.
Stunned speeeeechless.
- No, really, it's a big deal that I lost my navy blue Old Navy flip flops.
- Can somebody puhleaze explain to me this new pants/capris trend that makes every girl have a wedgie? It's not attractive, and yet, every single girl seems to own a pair.
- Two movie recommendations: "The Aristocrats" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Obviously both are for mature audiences only, and by mature I mean people who don't mind vulgarity that's borderline illegal.
- A quick postscript on the above story about the french vanilla FU skim milk coffee. This was funny, only now I see that people have been looking strangely at me and my coffee. And what am I supposed to do, cut them off at the pass and say, "Oh, this coffee doesn't say FU, it says FV but looks like FU"? I don't think that really works, because knowing my luck, the person would be like "Uhhh I was just looking at the paper under the coffee." Or, "What? That looks like FV to me." It's pretty much a lose-lose situation.
I'm finishing the coffee and throwing away the cup.
- And last, people have been wondering why I haven't updated anything since August 11th. First of all, August 11th isn't that far back. And second, as is evident from the update, there really wasn't that much newsworthy stuff that happened. To wrap up, it's still hot and humid, I still have no air conditioning, and no worries, the morons are out in full force.
Status quo.
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