It's all Talk
Recently, I've been catching a lot of random television shows. So I'm watching "Oprah" right now, and she's got Maria Shriver and her mom on as her guests. And Oprah says, "Everyone's getting so excited about getting THINGS nowadays, nobody's getting excited about relationships. I mean, everyone wants a plasma screen TV!"
Okay. OHHHHHKAY. I have had enough. Of COURSE Oprah doesn't get excited about material things, because she has every material thing known to man. And tell me that she doesn't have ten billion plasma screen televisions in every freaking room of her ten mansions. And then Maria Shriver's on there saying she can't ever remember her mother getting excited over a dress or anything material. Again, what does this prove? Listen, I don't get excited about getting a bottle of water, because I can always buy a $1.25 bottle of water. I can afford that, very easily, and those are readily accessible to me. But a plasma screen TV? Not so much. For the Kennedy-Shriver family, these dresses, gifts, whatever they were talking about - they could afford those like I can afford the bottle of water. It's all relative. Which is why I think it's insulting to listen to Oprah Winfrey talk about how materialistic Americans have become. Until she's living in a hut without a plasma screen TV like she suggests the rest of the population should, I don't want to hear any more of these ridiculous claims. This is the woman who threw a huge legends ball - a ball supposedly about the relationships between generations of African-American women - and made a mandatory dress code (black and white) that she then egregiously violated (a bright freakin fire engine look at me red sparkly dress!). Hypoooocriitte!
In other news, Maury Povich has reached an all-time low. Maury used to have just a regular talk show, but now I think he specializes in paternity tests. I wonder how this guy justifies what he does for a living. "Hi, I host a show where I announce who is - or isn't - a baby's father." Verrrry honorable. I mean, this guy claims to do a service, but why does he air it on national television? What kind of trash goes on his show to be like, "I think you're the father of my baby, but I'm not sure, so I'm going to have Maury Povich prove it." But Maury thinks he's very important in this whole process. He would probably tell people that he can prove whether or not Jesus really is THE son. You know what? He doesn't even perform the tests. He just talks to the guests about how "stressful" this must be. Never is he like, "Well, hon, if you didn't sleep with fifteen different guys within a two-week period, this might be easier." I mean, sure, there are guys who claim a child isn't theirs just so they won't have to support them, so I'm not saying it's all the fault of the women. But regardless, dragging them on this show? Why not just have "trash" tattooed right on your forehead!
So today, the topic? "You're the father of my disabled child." I didn't even know what to do. This just shatters the "Wow, that's the absolute worst thing I've ever seen on TV" record that was previously held by Balki and Cousin Larry on "Perfect Strangers." Those guys had a streak going, too. Really Maury, this is too much. Be sure to send the world a nice postcard from hell.
My brother used to love the Maury Povich show. We didn't realize this until we were talking about baby names we liked. I forget why this came up, but my brother said, "I like the names Candace (but pronounced Candayce) and Evon (pronounced like Eevonne)." We asked him where he found these names. "On the Maury Povich Show," said my eight-year-old brother. He also liked the names Elton and Sacagaweah. My mom's like, "Great. I'd love my grandkid to be Sacagaweah."
This reminds me of when I was younger, like in the sixth grade, I'd come home and watch the Ricky Lake Show and my mom would always laugh at me. Now I know why.
And last: I'm now watching 90210. This show is too much. Steve is in a frat, whose name is Keg. Kappa Epsilon Gamma. Keg. Verrry subtle.
I should be in charge of TV. I really should.
Okay. OHHHHHKAY. I have had enough. Of COURSE Oprah doesn't get excited about material things, because she has every material thing known to man. And tell me that she doesn't have ten billion plasma screen televisions in every freaking room of her ten mansions. And then Maria Shriver's on there saying she can't ever remember her mother getting excited over a dress or anything material. Again, what does this prove? Listen, I don't get excited about getting a bottle of water, because I can always buy a $1.25 bottle of water. I can afford that, very easily, and those are readily accessible to me. But a plasma screen TV? Not so much. For the Kennedy-Shriver family, these dresses, gifts, whatever they were talking about - they could afford those like I can afford the bottle of water. It's all relative. Which is why I think it's insulting to listen to Oprah Winfrey talk about how materialistic Americans have become. Until she's living in a hut without a plasma screen TV like she suggests the rest of the population should, I don't want to hear any more of these ridiculous claims. This is the woman who threw a huge legends ball - a ball supposedly about the relationships between generations of African-American women - and made a mandatory dress code (black and white) that she then egregiously violated (a bright freakin fire engine look at me red sparkly dress!). Hypoooocriitte!
In other news, Maury Povich has reached an all-time low. Maury used to have just a regular talk show, but now I think he specializes in paternity tests. I wonder how this guy justifies what he does for a living. "Hi, I host a show where I announce who is - or isn't - a baby's father." Verrrry honorable. I mean, this guy claims to do a service, but why does he air it on national television? What kind of trash goes on his show to be like, "I think you're the father of my baby, but I'm not sure, so I'm going to have Maury Povich prove it." But Maury thinks he's very important in this whole process. He would probably tell people that he can prove whether or not Jesus really is THE son. You know what? He doesn't even perform the tests. He just talks to the guests about how "stressful" this must be. Never is he like, "Well, hon, if you didn't sleep with fifteen different guys within a two-week period, this might be easier." I mean, sure, there are guys who claim a child isn't theirs just so they won't have to support them, so I'm not saying it's all the fault of the women. But regardless, dragging them on this show? Why not just have "trash" tattooed right on your forehead!
So today, the topic? "You're the father of my disabled child." I didn't even know what to do. This just shatters the "Wow, that's the absolute worst thing I've ever seen on TV" record that was previously held by Balki and Cousin Larry on "Perfect Strangers." Those guys had a streak going, too. Really Maury, this is too much. Be sure to send the world a nice postcard from hell.
My brother used to love the Maury Povich show. We didn't realize this until we were talking about baby names we liked. I forget why this came up, but my brother said, "I like the names Candace (but pronounced Candayce) and Evon (pronounced like Eevonne)." We asked him where he found these names. "On the Maury Povich Show," said my eight-year-old brother. He also liked the names Elton and Sacagaweah. My mom's like, "Great. I'd love my grandkid to be Sacagaweah."
This reminds me of when I was younger, like in the sixth grade, I'd come home and watch the Ricky Lake Show and my mom would always laugh at me. Now I know why.
And last: I'm now watching 90210. This show is too much. Steve is in a frat, whose name is Keg. Kappa Epsilon Gamma. Keg. Verrry subtle.
I should be in charge of TV. I really should.
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