The Heat Brings Out the Morons
I was going to take a break from detailing the miscues of morons for the day, but then I got this phone call at work. Some moron was calling about getting information on the Ed.D. programs. Now, as soon as I hear that someone wants to get information about a doctorate program, I assume that there is at least some brain activity going on, because they have to show proof of two degrees at least - a bachelor's and a master's - in order to be accepted. Turns out, I was wrong. Or maybe not. There might be some brain activity, but if there is, it's deeply twisted.
I offered the gentleman a mailing of our bulletin, so that he could get the general information he was seeking and then narrow down his career choice so that we could set up an appointment with him and an academic advisor. Here's his response to my question, "Would you like us to mail you a school bulletin?"
"Does that have writing?"
(Umm, no, sir. We just make up these things of blank pages and send them out to you. It's like fill in the blank degrees here. You just fill in exactly what you want, and we say okay, you can have a degree in that. You can even draw your request or submit it in symbols. Total moron.)
"I'm not sure what you mean sir."
"Does it have a lot of writing?"
"Well, it is a book. It outlines all of the programs we offer, with the requirements and course information."
Silence.
"Sir, would you like me to send you one?"
"No, that sounds like too much to read."
Ohhhhh. Okay. You want an Ed.D. program, but you don't want to have to expend the energy to read the school bulletin. This sounds like a candidate we would love to accept. In fact, just skip the whole application process - lots of writing involved there, too - and come on in. Forget doing actual reading for any of the classes, either. We'll just make up a big diploma with just your name and degree, like they'd do in preschool when you graduated and you got your name with a big "Way to Go" sticker, because back then, you couldn't read! People kill me.
And another moron sighting:
Yesterday, at my other job, this woman comes over to me. "Can I exchange my ticket?" she asks.
"Is there something wrong with your seat?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, may I ask why you want to exchange it?"
"I want to see a different game."
"I'm sorry?"
"Yeah. This game is already pretty much decided. I'd like to leave now - it's only in the third - and I want to come back for a more exciting game."
Granted, it was about 1000 degrees there yesterday, but still. I can't believe that there's not a filter in these people's brains. Then again, that would be assuming they have brains. Not a good bet.
My last moron encounter was sad because I knew both of the people. Now, before I get in trouble, neither are morons, but it reminded me of moronic encounters, so they get put in this entry whether they like it or not.
It's been about a billion degrees in my room, so I freak out about it approximately once per day. It's like this thing where I'll be fine, and then all of a sudden, I'll realize how stifling it is and I will throw a mini tantrum and find myself becoming irate. It's insane, but it happens.
Anyhow, I was on the phone with my "friend" when I was telling her this, and her response was: "You remind me of my friend, who always complains about (I forget what). The thing is, she can do something about it, so..."
I cut her off. "EXCUSE ME!" I basically shouted into the phone, "are you telling me this from your nicely air conditioned bedroom?"
Silence, the beautiful sound of surrender.
My father was the second loser. After he asked me if it really was THAT hot in my room, I told him yes.
"Don't you have a fan?" was his response.
Oh, now that you say it, my two fans really do the trick. I mean, sure, they're blowing hot air around, but really, it's not so bad. Why didn't I even think of that? If I have a fan, I'm all set! In fact, maybe I should throw away my electric fans and go back to those paper ones from Ancient China. They made it through the heat with it, why shouldn't I?
Seriously. It's always nice to hear the nonchalant "Don't you have a fan?" dismissal from someone sitting in an air conditioned office in a suit and tie. Reaallly understanding.
Anyhow, I just thought about how a few months back I wrote about how rain brings out all the morons, and now I'm saying that the heat brings out all the morons. So really, when I think about it, they're just always out there.
There's a depressing thought.
I offered the gentleman a mailing of our bulletin, so that he could get the general information he was seeking and then narrow down his career choice so that we could set up an appointment with him and an academic advisor. Here's his response to my question, "Would you like us to mail you a school bulletin?"
"Does that have writing?"
(Umm, no, sir. We just make up these things of blank pages and send them out to you. It's like fill in the blank degrees here. You just fill in exactly what you want, and we say okay, you can have a degree in that. You can even draw your request or submit it in symbols. Total moron.)
"I'm not sure what you mean sir."
"Does it have a lot of writing?"
"Well, it is a book. It outlines all of the programs we offer, with the requirements and course information."
Silence.
"Sir, would you like me to send you one?"
"No, that sounds like too much to read."
Ohhhhh. Okay. You want an Ed.D. program, but you don't want to have to expend the energy to read the school bulletin. This sounds like a candidate we would love to accept. In fact, just skip the whole application process - lots of writing involved there, too - and come on in. Forget doing actual reading for any of the classes, either. We'll just make up a big diploma with just your name and degree, like they'd do in preschool when you graduated and you got your name with a big "Way to Go" sticker, because back then, you couldn't read! People kill me.
And another moron sighting:
Yesterday, at my other job, this woman comes over to me. "Can I exchange my ticket?" she asks.
"Is there something wrong with your seat?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, may I ask why you want to exchange it?"
"I want to see a different game."
"I'm sorry?"
"Yeah. This game is already pretty much decided. I'd like to leave now - it's only in the third - and I want to come back for a more exciting game."
Granted, it was about 1000 degrees there yesterday, but still. I can't believe that there's not a filter in these people's brains. Then again, that would be assuming they have brains. Not a good bet.
My last moron encounter was sad because I knew both of the people. Now, before I get in trouble, neither are morons, but it reminded me of moronic encounters, so they get put in this entry whether they like it or not.
It's been about a billion degrees in my room, so I freak out about it approximately once per day. It's like this thing where I'll be fine, and then all of a sudden, I'll realize how stifling it is and I will throw a mini tantrum and find myself becoming irate. It's insane, but it happens.
Anyhow, I was on the phone with my "friend" when I was telling her this, and her response was: "You remind me of my friend, who always complains about (I forget what). The thing is, she can do something about it, so..."
I cut her off. "EXCUSE ME!" I basically shouted into the phone, "are you telling me this from your nicely air conditioned bedroom?"
Silence, the beautiful sound of surrender.
My father was the second loser. After he asked me if it really was THAT hot in my room, I told him yes.
"Don't you have a fan?" was his response.
Oh, now that you say it, my two fans really do the trick. I mean, sure, they're blowing hot air around, but really, it's not so bad. Why didn't I even think of that? If I have a fan, I'm all set! In fact, maybe I should throw away my electric fans and go back to those paper ones from Ancient China. They made it through the heat with it, why shouldn't I?
Seriously. It's always nice to hear the nonchalant "Don't you have a fan?" dismissal from someone sitting in an air conditioned office in a suit and tie. Reaallly understanding.
Anyhow, I just thought about how a few months back I wrote about how rain brings out all the morons, and now I'm saying that the heat brings out all the morons. So really, when I think about it, they're just always out there.
There's a depressing thought.
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