Domino's?!?!?
So, I was getting ready this morning and watching "The View." It turned out that it was a rerun, but I hadn't seen it before. The hostesses were having a pajama party, so they came out wearing pjs and the entire audience was wearing pjs. Then, they were like, "Okay, we're going to give you a whole lot of goodies today!" sounding scarily like Oprah Winfrey when she gives out all her stuff on her Oprah's Favorite Things Show. Now, here's the thing. Oprah's show? People, like, kill to be in that audience. This year, the woman gave away $14,000 worth of incredibly awesome stuff. I'm talking ipods, computers, espresso machines, deluxe chocolates, etc. Seriously, every year, I make sure to catch the show. If I miss it, I'm legitimately depressed.
Thus, I was a little excited to watch the giveaways on "The View." The truth is, I have no idea why this stuff excites me. It should depress me, really, when I think about it: here you go, watch the show where the hostess gives away all this awesome stuff to two hundred people WHO AREN'T YOU. Awesome. But still, I like seeing what she's giving away. No clue why. Psychology is a weird, weird discipline.
Anyway, I started watching, and I kept waiting for them to give something out. Finally, they're like, "Hmm... you know what I'd like right now? How about some pizza!" And I'm waiting for them to give like, the best pizza in New York, for godsake (there are about five million places that claim to have it) and what comes out? Domino's!!! The place went nuts, though, like they couldn't order their very own Domino's pizza for themselves for $5.99 when they drove home to Podunk that night. Insane. Oprah wouldn't have done that. If she had to go with Domino's, she would have given them all huge gift certificates or something, if Domino's even has those. Which brings me to my point: Oprah would never stoop so low as to have Domino's give a single slice of pizza to each member of her audience. She'd tell them about this ridiculously good pizza she had, and then she'd give them a slice of that, something they might not find on their own. The View? Domino's.
Then, five minutes later, they say how they'd like something sweet. Out comes these huge sundaes from Baskin Robbins, and I'm thinking, okay, well, that looks nice. Then they pan to the audience, and they're getting sample sizes! I know I sound like a larder, but this isn't the point. I just think that if you're going to have a giveaway, have a freakin giveaway. On the Oprah show, half the point is that I wish I was in the audience. I didn't care at all that I wasn't in New York to get some Domino's and Baskin Robbins. It came off looking like a segment on the Tony Danza Show. That's never, ever, ever a good sign.
And speaking of "The View," last night I caught a rerun of Larry King Live with Barbara Walters. At least, the shell of Barbara Walters. That woman is something like 78 years old, but her face is only about five. People make fun of Joan Rivers, but Barbara Walters is catching up. It's very sad to see a woman who had some decent wrinkles about two years ago now have a face that yes, looks flawlessly smooth, but also looks like it's so tightly sewed up that if she actually smiles, her skin will fall right off. It's totally disgusting. And her haircut was all youngish looking and she was wearing these hoop earrings. I wonder who made her think that she could look like Jennifer Lopez, but B. Wa wasn't going anywhere last night. I swear, she looked like a 22-year-old had put on a plastic mask with her face and gone trick-or-treating a few months too late. I don't get it. What's so wrong with looking, oh, at least 50?! Someone should tell her to give it up already. I mean, really. It's not like she's 40 trying to pretend she's 35. I get the idea of trying to knock off five years, but fifty? Give me a break. The jig's up, lady. They keep showing those highlights of you when you started the Today show back in freaking 1965. Your skin looked more wrinkly then! I noticed that Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw, both colleagues of Barbara Walters, didn't have the same "Ugh my face is so tight it's giving me a headache" look to them.
Then again, they don't run television shows that claim to have huge giveaways and end up hawking slices of Domino's delivery pizza. What, McDonald's couldn't make it?
Thus, I was a little excited to watch the giveaways on "The View." The truth is, I have no idea why this stuff excites me. It should depress me, really, when I think about it: here you go, watch the show where the hostess gives away all this awesome stuff to two hundred people WHO AREN'T YOU. Awesome. But still, I like seeing what she's giving away. No clue why. Psychology is a weird, weird discipline.
Anyway, I started watching, and I kept waiting for them to give something out. Finally, they're like, "Hmm... you know what I'd like right now? How about some pizza!" And I'm waiting for them to give like, the best pizza in New York, for godsake (there are about five million places that claim to have it) and what comes out? Domino's!!! The place went nuts, though, like they couldn't order their very own Domino's pizza for themselves for $5.99 when they drove home to Podunk that night. Insane. Oprah wouldn't have done that. If she had to go with Domino's, she would have given them all huge gift certificates or something, if Domino's even has those. Which brings me to my point: Oprah would never stoop so low as to have Domino's give a single slice of pizza to each member of her audience. She'd tell them about this ridiculously good pizza she had, and then she'd give them a slice of that, something they might not find on their own. The View? Domino's.
Then, five minutes later, they say how they'd like something sweet. Out comes these huge sundaes from Baskin Robbins, and I'm thinking, okay, well, that looks nice. Then they pan to the audience, and they're getting sample sizes! I know I sound like a larder, but this isn't the point. I just think that if you're going to have a giveaway, have a freakin giveaway. On the Oprah show, half the point is that I wish I was in the audience. I didn't care at all that I wasn't in New York to get some Domino's and Baskin Robbins. It came off looking like a segment on the Tony Danza Show. That's never, ever, ever a good sign.
And speaking of "The View," last night I caught a rerun of Larry King Live with Barbara Walters. At least, the shell of Barbara Walters. That woman is something like 78 years old, but her face is only about five. People make fun of Joan Rivers, but Barbara Walters is catching up. It's very sad to see a woman who had some decent wrinkles about two years ago now have a face that yes, looks flawlessly smooth, but also looks like it's so tightly sewed up that if she actually smiles, her skin will fall right off. It's totally disgusting. And her haircut was all youngish looking and she was wearing these hoop earrings. I wonder who made her think that she could look like Jennifer Lopez, but B. Wa wasn't going anywhere last night. I swear, she looked like a 22-year-old had put on a plastic mask with her face and gone trick-or-treating a few months too late. I don't get it. What's so wrong with looking, oh, at least 50?! Someone should tell her to give it up already. I mean, really. It's not like she's 40 trying to pretend she's 35. I get the idea of trying to knock off five years, but fifty? Give me a break. The jig's up, lady. They keep showing those highlights of you when you started the Today show back in freaking 1965. Your skin looked more wrinkly then! I noticed that Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw, both colleagues of Barbara Walters, didn't have the same "Ugh my face is so tight it's giving me a headache" look to them.
Then again, they don't run television shows that claim to have huge giveaways and end up hawking slices of Domino's delivery pizza. What, McDonald's couldn't make it?
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