The Graduation

So I graduated last week, which is a pretty big deal, when you think about it. A funny thing has been happening though: people have been asking all week, "So, how'd it go?"

I don't really get this. How do these people THINK it went? I mean, sure, they can be asking about the weather, or the speakers, or whatever, but why don't they narrow down their question? "How was the ceremony?" is a much more precise question than "How'd it go?" Where am I supposed to go from here? I always answer it the same way: "Well, it went as well as it goes, I guess... I got the degree, so that's the big thing, right?"

And then the other person laughs like this little self-effacing laugh and says, "Right, right," like I am a wise-ass, and then they ask the specific question they were aiming for in the first place. It kills me.

The other thing I find pretty funny is that everyone asks, "So, how does it feel to be a graduate?" as though I am going to come up with some profound answer. Again, I pretty much have the same, "Umm, I guess good," response to this one too. Sometimes I wonder if people get a manual on life with all the questions they're supposed to ask people. Otherwise, I don't think anybody would care. Does anybody really care how I feel now that I'm a graduate versus an undergraduate? I didn't think so. I never ask a question that I don't care to know the answer to.

Okay, that's not true at all.

No, really, not true at all.

Anyway. People have been pretty nice about the whole graduation thing. In case anyone really is wondering, here is a recap of what I think and how it all went:

First, we had to show up really early for this whole security thing because a big shot was speaking at the ceremony. They had warned us that we'd need IDs and to go through airport security and that we'd have the Secret Service checking everyone out. So we had to get there three hours early. In the cold drizzle.

Right.

Let me just say that I think Southwest Airlines, the bastard child of airlines, probably has tighter security than what we went through. The Fung-Wah bus in Chinatown probably has more security than the commencement ceremony.

It took us approximately thirty seconds to go through a rinky-dink metal detector, during which a security guy told me, "I don't even know what the hell is going on," when asked if I needed my ID. Good to know, good to know.

Well, then they had promised us a reception and breakfast, because we had to be there insanely early. This turned out to be a few tables set up with airline-type food bags of bagels and that grossly packaged cream cheese and butter and crap. Nice touch, folks.

The worst part came when we found out we had to be corralled at 8:15 to wait in these dank tents until 11 AM for the ceremony. Somehow, I'm going to find the person that thought of this idea and demand those three hours of my life back. Either that, or I swear I'm building a tent and using a cold sprinkler system to make this person stand in a graduation robe in there for at least three hours. Any complaining, I'm giving him a cold, stale bagel. The end of that.

A few hours later, I had my degree and it's pretty cool when they give them to you because they're in this nice red foldery thing that makes it look very official. That was, hands down, the best part of the day. Walking across the stage, getting the foldery thing, and staring at it. Four years, it comes down to this piece of paper with someone's stamped signature. It feels good.

They didn't do the "I'd like to present the class of 2005" and we didn't move our tassles from one side of our hats to the other and we didn't throw them up in the air, which basically makes the whole experience completely anti-climactic though. Sometimes you have to wonder who plans this stuff. They should have to go to planning school because this clearly requires some sort of skill, and I can tell you that someone at BU didn't have it.

A major cool thing about graduation, though, is that you get all these congratulations, and if you're lucky, cash with envelopes... I mean, envelopes with cash. Right. Well, I cleaned up today with my father's family. I was pretty worried about the whole thing because one of my aunts (ok both) are infamous for giving really weird gifts. I'm liable to get a tree branch from my aunt. Well, these people, they came through! For once in my life, I will not be too embarrassed to return anything. In fact, I won't have to return anything! And, they didn't get me stupid gift cards to places I don't shop. Amazing. Plus, as an added bonus, my aunt got completed tanked at lunch today and started slurring her words during this whole speech she was giving about life and all. The best part came at the end, after she said I was smart and my brother was talented. She told my sister, "Shtephie, you just go with the flow and I gottatellyathat's90%oflife." The only thing that may have - MAY have - topped that was when she yelled at the waitress that she wanted an espresso with Bailey's in it, and the waitress told her that's impossible, to which my aunt drunkely replied, "Lishten, whatsgoeswithBaileys?" and the waitress said, "Coffee?" So she goes, "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! I'll have coffee. With BAILEY'S. Okay? Coffee with Baileys!" Then she went on and on about how good it was to see everyone. She had to be completely gone to come up with any of that bullshit, let me just tell you.

Anyway, some people were pretty heated about the whole behavior of my aunt, but the truth is, she put in a pretty decent amount for me today so I really didn't care if she got completely housed. That's the other thing about graduation, for me. I'm not proud to admit it, but any time there's a gift-giving opportunity (ahem, now) I get wicked excited. I've been telling my mother that I'm ready to collect, and that's the sad truth. Sure, there's some joke in the extreme that I take this to, but anybody who says that they didn't look forward to the cash envelopes is a liar. Think about it: I am getting PAID to have spent four years having an amazing time. Awesome. This has to be the easiest money ever made. I wonder who started this tradition of giving money for graduating from college. Someday, I'm going to find this person and give them a huuuuuge hug. Only you know what? Someone who came up with this idea has to be way cooler than someone who would want a hug in exchange. I bet someone like this would want cash. And who could really blame them, anyhow?

Oh No - You DIDN'T!

I was at the gym a few weeks ago. This is the kind of stuff I used to post. Not me going to the gym, but the thing that happened to me, that's what I used to write about. So umm, yeah, that was a pointless introduction. Anyhow, forget all that. I was at the gym a few weeks ago. They have this rule, that you can only sign up for thirty minutes on a machine. And you have to put your initials on this list and all, so it's pretty strict. That's all fine, but what happens sometimes, is people get impatient and start to hang around your machine before your time's up, just so that they get on it at exactly the moment they signed up for it. I really don't like these people. I know what time I have left, and trust me - TRUST ME - I'm not staying on this thing a moment past when I have to, so give me a break.

Anyway, usually I get pretty annoyed, but I get over myself, because I only have like two minutes left so I just go with it and then glare at the person when I'm done. Well, this time, I had about thirteen minutes left. And this woman was staring right at me, tapping her hands and her feet all over the place, looking real impatient. So I sort of wave over to her, to get her attention to tell her that I still have thirteen minutes left, but she doesn't even react - she just keeps on staring.

Well. This just seemed wrong to me.

So I kept going until I had about ten minutes, and I thought, she's not leaving. She's just staring, staring, staring. This was unacceptable to me. So I stopped, and waved over (no response), and said, "Excuse me, I'm sorry, but the thing is, I still have, like, ten minutes on this machine, and so are you sure you have the right machine, because, umm, I just get wicked uncomfortable with people waiting around, especially when I have so much time left."

That should do it.

I can't even introduce her response properly. So here it is:

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She sounds so sweet and apologetic that I almost feel bad for a moment, and then she says what makes me look around to make sure Lucifer isn't waiting to collect my soul: "It's just," she says, "I'm blind, and" (You know what, hold up a second, take that in. She's BLIND) "and I'm waiting for my friend, but if you want me to move, I will..."

Umm, no, that's okay.

When I tell this story, people ask what I did. Some people think I should have just used the treadmill runner to hang myself. Others asked if I left the gym to hide from this humiliation, which prompted a worse response from me ("Why? She didn't know what I looked like or anything"), and then a few asked how I could even say such a thing to a blind person in the first place, which prompted an even worse reponse from me ("I didn't think about a blind person being at a gym.")

Anyway, the general reaction has been, "Oh my god, you did NOT do that!"

And to that, I can only say that yes, yes I did.

And So It Goes

So, the school year's over. Graduation's this coming Sunday. Everyone says it, and it's still true: it all went waaay faster than I ever thought it would. I was talking to a friend earlier this week, saying that I just wanted to tell someone to hold up, just give me a week or something. It hits you, in funny ways, that time really doesn't stop for anything. At times like this, it pretty much scares me. Last night, my friend Dave invited a bunch of his friends out to dinner with his parents - quite possibly the nicest people ever. So polite. So friendly. Anyway, we were all out, and we hadn't been out in a group for such a long time. I kept thinking about how stupid I was not to have a camera to record it all, because we all kept laughing about all these ridiculous memories we had stored up over the past few years. We were all clicking, and everyone fit, and I couldn't help it, but I kept wondering how I got so lucky - and whether I would get this lucky again. I don't know.

I don't really think it's worth writing all this stuff down, all the stupid memories that a few of us find funny. But I do think it's important to acknowledge the type of relationship we all have. I haven't seen some of these people in a few months, and still, it's like home when we're all there. If I could wish anything for anyone, it's to have that feeling.

So I think that's what gets me upset about graduation, or really any change at all. It isn't really fear of moving on, it's more like sadness at having to let go. It's not fair, I don't think, to meet these people and have them around and get to know and trust and love them, and then they start to leave, one by one. It's not right.

Someday, I'm making a law that says that if I want it, you have to stay right where you are. Time can't affect everything in my perfect world. Some things really would remain the same, if I had a say in all of this.

A few things...

1. I have a huge problem with people who keep stuffed animals on the back of their car, so that they face the people driving behind them. Is this display for my enjoyment? Do these people REALLY think that I want to drive behind Muffin and Scrunchy, or whatever they probably named their lame-o stuffed animals? I don't get it. Is it so that when they look in their rear-view mirror, they see the googly eyes of their stuffed cats and bears looking lovingly back at them? If there's one thing I can't deal with (ha, ONE!), it's definitely these ridiculous people. I don't say anything about the dice hanging from the mirror (can be cute), and I don't care about the hula girl (I mean, sure, whatever), but this funny farm crap? Not okay.

2. Landon, on "The Inferno" is insanely hot. Sometimes, I wonder why people decided to put such a show like the Inferno on TV. I get tired of all these freaks, acting like they're real celebrities for eating worms and moving cows around a beach. I mean, sure, Paris Hilton's career makes a good case for these guys becoming A-list stars in their own right, but still. I have an issue when people tell me that Julie the Mormon should be a VIP. Yeah. Absolutely not. (Julie, by the way, is the worst MTV celebrity ever. She doesn't get her audience. I love how she pretends to be all into loving God and being religious, and yet, she's on THE INFERNO. These people kill me.) Anyway, my point is, whenever I think, hmm, why does MTV feed these morons with their own television show, I take a good look at Landon and I thank whoever decided to continue with the show. I'm just glad they aren't testing for steroids on the show, because my guess is the Miz, formerly scrawny Mike on Real World Back to New York, would be sent back to Ohio and have to continue his life as a college band geek. Sometimes I think they should do a "Before they were washed-up reality stars..." and show us what they looked like in their audition tapes. You'd be suprised at how much this experience changes people. Look at Genesis, the first memorable lesbian from the Boston season. She wasn't real skinny or really made-up, but on the huge reunion show, she came with her wife and she looked like Barbie. Nobody would have recognized her. You know what might be the best part about this whole show concept? You could look at the people who didn't change at all. Take Montana, for instance, also from the Boston season, and possibly the ugliest Real World-er ever. I'm convinced that the only reason she was cast was because this was the time that the show was still trying to be a legitimate documentary thing, rather than a bad extended version of "Blind Date." This was before the mandatory hot tub, gay guy, black guy, lesbian, hottest guy ever, and hot good girl in every episode. Anyway, they would show a before and after pic of her and it would be: Guess What?! STILL Ugly! Same thing with Beth. Possibly the funniest moment ever was when she told Puck she wanted to be a model. Puck looked at her like she was insane and told her she as too fat and her skin was too bad to be a model. I wonder how someone recovers from that. Anyway, she was back this season in the Inferno, just as crazy and ugly as ever. These would be the moments of the show. I wonder if they make "Least Improved" Trophies. I have to find those someday. Can you imagine the possibilities?

3. I know a girl who pants when she talks. Sometimes, guys think when you say that a girl "pants," that's hot. This is not that kind of pant. Not even close. Picture your grandmother out of breath. Now try to think about what a fat Steve Urkel smoker laugh would be, and you have the panting.

(I know, it's horrifying.)

4. People have been asking me about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I don't really think much about it, except this: I think that she will start making better career choices. Before, Chris Klein had to go with her to everything, and because he was in the absolute worst movie ever - Here on Earth, with the worst actress ever, Leelee Sobieski (I mean, Leelee?!) - he didn't mind sitting through all her Dawson's Creek garbage. But I have a hard time imagining Tom Cruise sitting through "First Daughter" with a straight face. If anything, I think we've seen the last of Ms. Holmes' awkward half-smile a la Drew Barrymore. I'll take it.

Winding Down on Wednesday

It dawned on me that classes are over. I wouldn't really know because I've been student-teaching, so my year doesn't end until May 16th or so, but for everyone else, today marked the end of classes. Soon people will be leaving and all, and I'll be graduating, which freaks me out, to tell you the truth. I don't really feel ready at all.

I'm not one of those "Just get me out" types, even though I have complained about every annoying thing that BU can possibly throw at a person. And I'm even coming back, but I still feel like putting off May 22nd for as long as possible (which, umm, is 18 days. Holy shit.) The thing is, I just have had such a good time these past four years. There's absolutely nothing better. I can't think of a way I'd rather have spent any of it. And so in a way, I dont' really want it to end. I also hate change, like have a psych-disorder in dealing with it almost, and so that's part of it.

I remember sophomore year, I didn't want to say goodbye or leave my room or my floor. I was pretty upset about the whole thing. Anyway, when I was packing up on my last day, I found a bug on my desk, right near my backpack. And if you know me, you know that I absolutely hate bugs. In fact, if I had more time, I'd write about some of my bug freakouts. I'm notorious for freaking out over tiny little bugs, but the truth is, I just hate them and think they're the worst things anybody ever created. I hate nature people who say bugs are good. Bugs are the worst thing on earth, as far as I'm concerned. So, anyhow, I found this bug on my desk, and just like that, I was like, "Okay, I'm ready." Don't ask. I don't even know why that pushed me and made me ready - aside from making me grossed out - but I kind of need something like that to happen now.

Don't get me wrong - I don't want to find any bugs or anything, because I'm staying in the building this summer and for next year (I know, I know, so how much change am I really talking about anyway?!) but I'm hoping to find something that pushes me towards being ready to just move on and end senior year. I'm not looking for some greater sign in the universe. Trust me, I'm done looking for those. Just today, I had such good luck for about fifteen minutes, I said to myself, "Wow, what a lucky day. Nothing can go wrong," and then I got a notice from the collections office at the university. Yeah, that's like a huge sign-slap-in-the-face. Good news, though, it all worked out.

Maybe that little letter was my sign, now that I think about it, because you know what I think? People who send these letters, after they tell you that your account is settled, are total morons.

Oh, and maybe another sign was that while driving, Joe got road rage and then a guy threw a soda at his car.

Hmm. I'll be thinking about this.