Yup, That's the Reason
Last weekend, the team was away in Detroit and there was a fesitval at the park for a different company. One of the guests at the festival came up to me to ask for some assistance with an issue she was having.
"I thought players would be here at the festival," she said to me.
"Oh, no, they're in Detroit," I told her. I wasn't really that surprised at the question, because a lot of times, only semi-fans show up at these things and they're not keeping track of the schedule, etc. They don't quite get that if the team was in town, we couldn't have this whole event because there would be, well, a baseball game instead. When I first started working at the park, I would have immediately thought this woman was ridiculous, but give me a few years of dealing with about fifty billion just like her, and I'm not that shocked at her question.
"Why are they in Detroit?" Ookay, guess she really is more of the semi- than fan.
"They're playing the Tigers this weekend, ma'am."
"Oh. Well, I thought Manny would be here, so I'd like to get a Manny autograph."
"Okay, well, I thought that Ben Affleck would be here, so I'd like a Ben Affleck autograph." Seriously? I mean, listen, lady, I thought this day was going to go smoothly and be easy and fun to be at, and I want that to happen too. Poof!
"I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the connection," she said. Not even aggravated at my tone. Just totally lost.
"I was just making a joke, ma'am. Nevermind that, I have no sense of humor. I can't get you a Manny autograph."
"But I thought he was going to be here."
(You know that existential question that always comes up - how do you know what is reality and how do you know that you exist? The argument is that the person you're talking to is the only evidence you have that you exist, and the people around you are the only evidence that this is your reality. Basically, the idea is that you and your own thoughts by yourself do not provide enough evidence to be reality. Apparently, this woman had never heard this, nor had she ever considered the possibility of it. What went on in her peanut-sized brain was enough for her to be the only reality.)
"I'm sorry, I don't know how you got that idea, whether from the company or advertising for the event, but no players are here since they are all in Detroit."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why are they in Detroit?"
"They're playing the Tigers, ma'am."
"No, you already told me that," she said, "I just don't know why they'd have an event here without the players."
"Oh, well, they do it all the time. The draw here is the carnival games and donation for charity."
"You're going to have to do something for me." Ahhh, my favorite line. I didn't promise her anything, I didn't say Manny would be here, I didn't do anything except listen to her dim-witted line of reasoning, and yet I have to do something for her.
"Sadly, I can't do anything for you."
"You're going to have to get me that autograph." No blink.
"Ma'am, that's just not going to happen. You're not going to get an autograph. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."
No laugh.
No laugh, no autograph.
Actually, laugh, no autograph.
Bottom line, NO AUTOGRAPH.
"That's horrific," she said. This shocked me, on two levels. One, that's a pretty extreme word for this situation. Not getting an autograph is horrific? And two, I didn't think this nimrod had "horrific" in her vocabulary. Of course, given that it was an inappropriate use of the word, maybe #2 makes #1 make sense.
"Well, we're going to have to disagree about that, ma'am. It's unfortunate that you thought you could get an autograph, but I'm not going to be able to get that. You can visit the inflatable baseball field though, and pretend you're Manny and give it a good swing."
"So let me get this straight," she said - totally using my line! - "I can't get an autograph and the only reason is that he's in Detroit?"
"Yup, that's the reason," I told her and walked way, because really, where else could this conversation go?
"I thought players would be here at the festival," she said to me.
"Oh, no, they're in Detroit," I told her. I wasn't really that surprised at the question, because a lot of times, only semi-fans show up at these things and they're not keeping track of the schedule, etc. They don't quite get that if the team was in town, we couldn't have this whole event because there would be, well, a baseball game instead. When I first started working at the park, I would have immediately thought this woman was ridiculous, but give me a few years of dealing with about fifty billion just like her, and I'm not that shocked at her question.
"Why are they in Detroit?" Ookay, guess she really is more of the semi- than fan.
"They're playing the Tigers this weekend, ma'am."
"Oh. Well, I thought Manny would be here, so I'd like to get a Manny autograph."
"Okay, well, I thought that Ben Affleck would be here, so I'd like a Ben Affleck autograph." Seriously? I mean, listen, lady, I thought this day was going to go smoothly and be easy and fun to be at, and I want that to happen too. Poof!
"I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the connection," she said. Not even aggravated at my tone. Just totally lost.
"I was just making a joke, ma'am. Nevermind that, I have no sense of humor. I can't get you a Manny autograph."
"But I thought he was going to be here."
(You know that existential question that always comes up - how do you know what is reality and how do you know that you exist? The argument is that the person you're talking to is the only evidence you have that you exist, and the people around you are the only evidence that this is your reality. Basically, the idea is that you and your own thoughts by yourself do not provide enough evidence to be reality. Apparently, this woman had never heard this, nor had she ever considered the possibility of it. What went on in her peanut-sized brain was enough for her to be the only reality.)
"I'm sorry, I don't know how you got that idea, whether from the company or advertising for the event, but no players are here since they are all in Detroit."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why are they in Detroit?"
"They're playing the Tigers, ma'am."
"No, you already told me that," she said, "I just don't know why they'd have an event here without the players."
"Oh, well, they do it all the time. The draw here is the carnival games and donation for charity."
"You're going to have to do something for me." Ahhh, my favorite line. I didn't promise her anything, I didn't say Manny would be here, I didn't do anything except listen to her dim-witted line of reasoning, and yet I have to do something for her.
"Sadly, I can't do anything for you."
"You're going to have to get me that autograph." No blink.
"Ma'am, that's just not going to happen. You're not going to get an autograph. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."
No laugh.
No laugh, no autograph.
Actually, laugh, no autograph.
Bottom line, NO AUTOGRAPH.
"That's horrific," she said. This shocked me, on two levels. One, that's a pretty extreme word for this situation. Not getting an autograph is horrific? And two, I didn't think this nimrod had "horrific" in her vocabulary. Of course, given that it was an inappropriate use of the word, maybe #2 makes #1 make sense.
"Well, we're going to have to disagree about that, ma'am. It's unfortunate that you thought you could get an autograph, but I'm not going to be able to get that. You can visit the inflatable baseball field though, and pretend you're Manny and give it a good swing."
"So let me get this straight," she said - totally using my line! - "I can't get an autograph and the only reason is that he's in Detroit?"
"Yup, that's the reason," I told her and walked way, because really, where else could this conversation go?
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