Get Your Order Straight
Check out this meaningful exchange:
"I've got an order of sour cream and chive fries for the table," the busboy announced to our party of eight.
"Oh, no, we ordered sweet potato fries," I told him. I was the one who placed the order for the table. We have ordered the same thing each time we have had our monthly dinner at this restaurant as a large group - one order of sweet potato fries for the table. Never, ever have I ordered sour cream and chive fries. For this dinner or otherwise.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Umm, yes," I said. He walked away, towards the bar, where our waitress was standing.
She came back.
With the fries.
"You ordered sour cream and chive fries," she said to me.
(Umm, I did?)
"No, I ordered sweet potato fries," I corrected her. Nicely.
"I heard you say sour cream and chive fries." She was totally adamant.
"Umm, well, I didn't order that. I've never ordered that."
"I could have sworn you did."
"Well, umm, I didn't."
"I thought you did."
(Am I supposed to now say "You thought wrong"? Because I'm close.)
"Sorry?"
"I could have sworn you did." She's still standing in front of our table with the basket of unwanted - and unordered - sour cream and chive fries.
"We've never ordered those," interjected the woman next to me. "We always order sweet potato fries."
"Well, that's what I heard you say." She stuck her accusing chin at me.
And here's where I have to mention the major problem that I have with this entire exchange, aside from her alarmingly bad attitude and apparent disdain for the 'customer is always right' mentality: she didn't write down our order in the first place, despite us being a party of eight. The entire time she's been talking, I've been thinking, look, lady, if you don't write down the order, I don't want to hear a single thing from you if you get something wrong besides, "I'm sorry, I should have written it down."
I really don't get this new business of not writing down orders. I mean, if you took a poll of all restuarant patrons, wouldn't every single one of them value getting the correct meal over having their server taking their order simply by memory? Who in their right mind would be like, "What I really look for in a good waitress is her ability to remember my order without writing it down. I love seeing that talent." Yeah, I didn't think so.
If I ever run the world, I'm going to make it mandatory that waiters and waitresses write down their orders. And I'm also going to make it mandatory that if you get an order wrong, you just suck it up and return it. Don't make it all awkward by repeating the same thing over and over again, as though I'd suddenly be like, "Oh, you know what? Even though I just told you twice within ten seconds that I didn't order those fries, I really did! I was just kidding."
Not. Going. To. Happen.
It was at this moment, as I was having this thought, that this genius chose to say the watershed remark: "Look, I've been working here a few years now, and I'm telling you, I've never made a mistake."
Now, this whole thing had reminded me of the time when I was a kid and my family went to this diner, but this comment just put me over the edge. Here's the memory: They brought out a cheeseburger for my brother, who had never had a cheeseburger in his life. The waitress kept telling my dad that's what he'd ordered for my brother and my dad kept trying to reason with the lady that he'd never ordered that in his life. The woman was just as adamant as this waitress - she told my dad she'd been a waitress for like thirty years and she'd never made a mistake in those thirty years.
Thinking about that whole incident gave me the idea about how to answer this freak, still standing in front of our table, because I'd had just about enough of her.
"Well," I said to her, "I guess you just made your first."
So she had really no choice but to go back into the kitchen and get some sweet potato fries and spit on them and bring them out, which is (presumably) what she did.
"I've got an order of sour cream and chive fries for the table," the busboy announced to our party of eight.
"Oh, no, we ordered sweet potato fries," I told him. I was the one who placed the order for the table. We have ordered the same thing each time we have had our monthly dinner at this restaurant as a large group - one order of sweet potato fries for the table. Never, ever have I ordered sour cream and chive fries. For this dinner or otherwise.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Umm, yes," I said. He walked away, towards the bar, where our waitress was standing.
She came back.
With the fries.
"You ordered sour cream and chive fries," she said to me.
(Umm, I did?)
"No, I ordered sweet potato fries," I corrected her. Nicely.
"I heard you say sour cream and chive fries." She was totally adamant.
"Umm, well, I didn't order that. I've never ordered that."
"I could have sworn you did."
"Well, umm, I didn't."
"I thought you did."
(Am I supposed to now say "You thought wrong"? Because I'm close.)
"Sorry?"
"I could have sworn you did." She's still standing in front of our table with the basket of unwanted - and unordered - sour cream and chive fries.
"We've never ordered those," interjected the woman next to me. "We always order sweet potato fries."
"Well, that's what I heard you say." She stuck her accusing chin at me.
And here's where I have to mention the major problem that I have with this entire exchange, aside from her alarmingly bad attitude and apparent disdain for the 'customer is always right' mentality: she didn't write down our order in the first place, despite us being a party of eight. The entire time she's been talking, I've been thinking, look, lady, if you don't write down the order, I don't want to hear a single thing from you if you get something wrong besides, "I'm sorry, I should have written it down."
I really don't get this new business of not writing down orders. I mean, if you took a poll of all restuarant patrons, wouldn't every single one of them value getting the correct meal over having their server taking their order simply by memory? Who in their right mind would be like, "What I really look for in a good waitress is her ability to remember my order without writing it down. I love seeing that talent." Yeah, I didn't think so.
If I ever run the world, I'm going to make it mandatory that waiters and waitresses write down their orders. And I'm also going to make it mandatory that if you get an order wrong, you just suck it up and return it. Don't make it all awkward by repeating the same thing over and over again, as though I'd suddenly be like, "Oh, you know what? Even though I just told you twice within ten seconds that I didn't order those fries, I really did! I was just kidding."
Not. Going. To. Happen.
It was at this moment, as I was having this thought, that this genius chose to say the watershed remark: "Look, I've been working here a few years now, and I'm telling you, I've never made a mistake."
Now, this whole thing had reminded me of the time when I was a kid and my family went to this diner, but this comment just put me over the edge. Here's the memory: They brought out a cheeseburger for my brother, who had never had a cheeseburger in his life. The waitress kept telling my dad that's what he'd ordered for my brother and my dad kept trying to reason with the lady that he'd never ordered that in his life. The woman was just as adamant as this waitress - she told my dad she'd been a waitress for like thirty years and she'd never made a mistake in those thirty years.
Thinking about that whole incident gave me the idea about how to answer this freak, still standing in front of our table, because I'd had just about enough of her.
"Well," I said to her, "I guess you just made your first."
So she had really no choice but to go back into the kitchen and get some sweet potato fries and spit on them and bring them out, which is (presumably) what she did.
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