If... then...
If it's 20 below zero, and you're in a car, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. If it's raining and sleeting and you're in a car, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. If it's 100 degrees and humid and you're in a car with air conditioning, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. There are no exceptions unless you are driving an ambulance in an emergency situation.
If it's 6 AM and there's a line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you need to not make conversation with every customer about what they're going to be doing that day, the next day, and the day after that. If it's 6 AM and there's no line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you still need to not make conversation with every customer about their life's plans. If it's 9 AM, you can smile and not act as though the act of doing your job - getting the customer coffee and a bagel - is going to ruin your life. If it's 9 AM and there's a line forming, don't have five of your employees helping the same customer who can't decide between colored and chocolate sprinkled and would like you to make her latte hotter, stat.
If you're applying for a seasonal job, plan on being in the same city as the job for the season. If you're applying for a job, it's a good idea to at least pretend to value the company's rules and policies and not refer to the possibility of breaking them as "a moral dilemma."
If you're going to raise the prices of public transportation in the dead of winter, then I don't think it's asking too much to ask that the transportation is on time and consistent. If you're going to introduce a new system of plastic cards, then I don't think it's asking too much to have the machines all give the plastic cards rather than the paper ones that fall apart and then make the customer go through the whole "I have a pass, it's just wearing out" deal each time he or she attempts to go anywhere. And if you're going to change the rules on the customers, I don't think it's asking too much to be a little patient as everyone tries to figure it all out, especially if you're constantly asking us to be patient while you're under construction, introducing a new policy, or raising the goddamn fares. Just a request.
If you're going into a crowded restaurant where there are tons of people waiting for tables, it's common courtesy to ask the people in front of the host/hostess stand whether they have put their names in yet or are all set before barging in front of them and cutting them in line for tables. Along the same lines, if you're in line somewhere and your friend comes, you can't just have the friend join the line. The people behind you will want to kill you, and they'll have reason.
If you're at the movie theater and you have your feet up on the chairs in front of you, when someone comes into the row where your feet are, you have to move them out of common courtesy and human decency because it is more important that someone is able to see than your feet are up.
If you're on a reality television show, you are still just a person who was on TV. You're not a hidden singing or acting talent, you're not a spokesperson for some random disorder or disease.
If you work at Target and a customer asks you if you have more of an item in the back, don't be a wimp and lie and say you have none. Just fess up and say that you're too lazy to go in back and check.
If you're at a group dinner and someone orders a side dish to share with one other person, you can't just take a bunch for yourself and then act like you only got a coke.
If you're going to order cable or internet, never, ever, ever EVER under any circumstances go with Comcast motherfuckers. (You didn't think I'd leave that out, did you?)
If it's 6 AM and there's a line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you need to not make conversation with every customer about what they're going to be doing that day, the next day, and the day after that. If it's 6 AM and there's no line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you still need to not make conversation with every customer about their life's plans. If it's 9 AM, you can smile and not act as though the act of doing your job - getting the customer coffee and a bagel - is going to ruin your life. If it's 9 AM and there's a line forming, don't have five of your employees helping the same customer who can't decide between colored and chocolate sprinkled and would like you to make her latte hotter, stat.
If you're applying for a seasonal job, plan on being in the same city as the job for the season. If you're applying for a job, it's a good idea to at least pretend to value the company's rules and policies and not refer to the possibility of breaking them as "a moral dilemma."
If you're going to raise the prices of public transportation in the dead of winter, then I don't think it's asking too much to ask that the transportation is on time and consistent. If you're going to introduce a new system of plastic cards, then I don't think it's asking too much to have the machines all give the plastic cards rather than the paper ones that fall apart and then make the customer go through the whole "I have a pass, it's just wearing out" deal each time he or she attempts to go anywhere. And if you're going to change the rules on the customers, I don't think it's asking too much to be a little patient as everyone tries to figure it all out, especially if you're constantly asking us to be patient while you're under construction, introducing a new policy, or raising the goddamn fares. Just a request.
If you're going into a crowded restaurant where there are tons of people waiting for tables, it's common courtesy to ask the people in front of the host/hostess stand whether they have put their names in yet or are all set before barging in front of them and cutting them in line for tables. Along the same lines, if you're in line somewhere and your friend comes, you can't just have the friend join the line. The people behind you will want to kill you, and they'll have reason.
If you're at the movie theater and you have your feet up on the chairs in front of you, when someone comes into the row where your feet are, you have to move them out of common courtesy and human decency because it is more important that someone is able to see than your feet are up.
If you're on a reality television show, you are still just a person who was on TV. You're not a hidden singing or acting talent, you're not a spokesperson for some random disorder or disease.
If you work at Target and a customer asks you if you have more of an item in the back, don't be a wimp and lie and say you have none. Just fess up and say that you're too lazy to go in back and check.
If you're at a group dinner and someone orders a side dish to share with one other person, you can't just take a bunch for yourself and then act like you only got a coke.
If you're going to order cable or internet, never, ever, ever EVER under any circumstances go with Comcast motherfuckers. (You didn't think I'd leave that out, did you?)
<< Home