The Angry Files 3

A while back, I read about an insane scheme where this woman had a website dedicated to helping her get out of debt. She basically put it out there that she had racked up insane credit card bills, buying clothes and shoes and just general things she could not afford. She then asked the public for help, requesting that they pay off her debt FOR her, bit by bit.

Here's the amazing thing: some morons DID! She even wrote a book out of the whole thing and earned a bunch of money. Not only did she get people to pay off her debt, but she then got people to sign on to the idea that it would be a bankable book idea. Unfuckingbelievable.

I wasn't sure whether to be appalled at the woman who set this site up, or the people who actually paid her debt. Well, I decided I can be mad at both. Since when is it okay to believe that other people - strangers! - should pay off your self-indulgent debt? And since when do people think that this is a worthy cause, rather than, say, poverty in America? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

You might wonder why I am thinking of this right now. Well, I was looking through Boston.com and I saw that another asshole is asking for donations. This time, a guy is asking for people to donate $1 so that he can buy back his childhood home that's now worth lots of money on the Cape. Okay. So, how about I go online and ask people to donate $1 for me to get the Chanel bag I've wanted since childhood? Or how about I ask for people to donate so I can pay off my education debt? Or maybe they should pay for the upcoming vacation I'd like to take?

Of course, I am not going to do it because I don't believe in putting up websites asking for money. I don't believe in getting into debt buying frivolous items and then having the audacity to ask someone else, who's got a job and has their own bills to pay and their own frivlous things to buy to pay for my own. If I'm going to donate to this woman's debt, I'm going to ask for some of her goods in return. And if I were going to donate to this dude's quest to buy his childhood house, I want a weekend share every year at the Cape. See, I'm not into giving and not getting. At least when it comes to this crap.

To all the potential donaters to these causes, I'd ask that you put your dollar somewhere else. Whether it's to a REAL cause or towards a morning coffee, anything is better than giving it to some freak who can't accept that they can't afford what they want or already bought. Suck it up is what I say. Suck it up.

If... then...

If it's 20 below zero, and you're in a car, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. If it's raining and sleeting and you're in a car, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. If it's 100 degrees and humid and you're in a car with air conditioning, you need to stop and let a pedestrian cross the street. There are no exceptions unless you are driving an ambulance in an emergency situation.

If it's 6 AM and there's a line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you need to not make conversation with every customer about what they're going to be doing that day, the next day, and the day after that. If it's 6 AM and there's no line forming at Dunkin Donuts, you still need to not make conversation with every customer about their life's plans. If it's 9 AM, you can smile and not act as though the act of doing your job - getting the customer coffee and a bagel - is going to ruin your life. If it's 9 AM and there's a line forming, don't have five of your employees helping the same customer who can't decide between colored and chocolate sprinkled and would like you to make her latte hotter, stat.

If you're applying for a seasonal job, plan on being in the same city as the job for the season. If you're applying for a job, it's a good idea to at least pretend to value the company's rules and policies and not refer to the possibility of breaking them as "a moral dilemma."

If you're going to raise the prices of public transportation in the dead of winter, then I don't think it's asking too much to ask that the transportation is on time and consistent. If you're going to introduce a new system of plastic cards, then I don't think it's asking too much to have the machines all give the plastic cards rather than the paper ones that fall apart and then make the customer go through the whole "I have a pass, it's just wearing out" deal each time he or she attempts to go anywhere. And if you're going to change the rules on the customers, I don't think it's asking too much to be a little patient as everyone tries to figure it all out, especially if you're constantly asking us to be patient while you're under construction, introducing a new policy, or raising the goddamn fares. Just a request.

If you're going into a crowded restaurant where there are tons of people waiting for tables, it's common courtesy to ask the people in front of the host/hostess stand whether they have put their names in yet or are all set before barging in front of them and cutting them in line for tables. Along the same lines, if you're in line somewhere and your friend comes, you can't just have the friend join the line. The people behind you will want to kill you, and they'll have reason.

If you're at the movie theater and you have your feet up on the chairs in front of you, when someone comes into the row where your feet are, you have to move them out of common courtesy and human decency because it is more important that someone is able to see than your feet are up.

If you're on a reality television show, you are still just a person who was on TV. You're not a hidden singing or acting talent, you're not a spokesperson for some random disorder or disease.

If you work at Target and a customer asks you if you have more of an item in the back, don't be a wimp and lie and say you have none. Just fess up and say that you're too lazy to go in back and check.

If you're at a group dinner and someone orders a side dish to share with one other person, you can't just take a bunch for yourself and then act like you only got a coke.

If you're going to order cable or internet, never, ever, ever EVER under any circumstances go with Comcast motherfuckers. (You didn't think I'd leave that out, did you?)

Nomad

Last week, it really bothered me that I couldn't remember this word that I had once used while playing Scrabble with my grandma and Saul. I had been pretty young and I used a word that she couldn't believe I knew. She would tell me every time we played Scrabble that I had used that word and she had been so surprised. Well, last week, I couldn't remember it. So I kept thinking that I'd try and ask her next time I saw her, even though I also kept thinking that when I saw her on her birthday - last Sunday - that she hadn't seemed too well. It began to nag at me, this word, and it hit me that I might never remember it.

On Friday night, when my father, sister and I went to say goodbye to my grandmother, I asked a few people if they remembered the word, but they didn't. It occurred to me that I might never know it, since my grandmother clearly wasn't going to be able to tell me and few people would remember it like she did. That really bothered me. Then, today, on our way to the funeral, I went for my last chance effort and asked Saul whether he remembered the word.

"I do remember that she was impressed, but I can't think of the word," he said. "I'll think about it." But I wasn't too confident he'd be able to come up with it.

Luckily though, my brother did. "Nomad," he told me. "The word was 'nomad.' " And immediately, I knew he was right and I remembered it and I could even hear her voice telling the story.

"Nomad," she would say. "You said you knew that word because your teacher would call you a nomad because you were never in your seat." I can't remember using that word, and I can't really remember any teacher saying that to me or being out of my seat, but I remember hearing that story very clearly. I was really relieved when my brother came up with the word for me.

My grandmother and I were not close. I didn't call her to tell her about what was going on in my life, and I don't know how well she really knew me. I mean, she knew I was a teacher, and she knew where I worked and went to school and all, and I know she was proud of me and she liked hearing about what I was doing, but I don't think she really knew how sarcastic I am or any of that stuff. The best interactions we had were in the recent years when she'd ask me how my social life was and I learned to appreciate her sense of humor. "Hoppin," I'd respond to her question, "How's yours?"

"Hoppin," she'd answer. It made me laugh. And it made me, in those moments, appreciate that maybe there was a little more to my grandmother than I'd thought.

The thing is, I don't know. I mean, my dad has his memories and my family has their memories, but I've got mine and I can't decisively say that much about what she was like, just as she probably couldn't do that for me. I used to get pretty upset about that. I used to think that she should have done more or asked more or said more to me throughout our relationship, and I used to think that she wasn't the greatest grandmother. I thought I went to visit her out of obligation and I thought I cared more about her and did things for her because of my love for my father.

Well, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it this weekend and that's not true. In the end, I thought my grandmother was pretty funny at times. She had some good routines going. I liked visiting her. She told good stories. In fact, she was a good storyteller. I liked playing Scrabble with her. I even liked that she always said the word, "Wow-ee!" in this tone that only she could pull off. We might not have been close, but in recent weeks, as I thought about her and me and us more, I found out that she was really okay, and she had done the best she could. She was a grandma in her own way. And I realized that was good enough. It really was.

On Friday night, I was in the room with my grandma for a while by myself. It was pretty awkward, because she was so far gone - sort of like a really deep sleep, only not really. I told her about my teaching and cooking - almost like talking to myself - and then I began talking about some memories. I told her about the Scrabble game. "There was this word," I said. "I can't remember what it was, but you kept telling me how impressed you were I knew it." I even asked her then what the word was, even though I knew it was impossible for her to answer. And then as I was talking, I was also thinking about whether I should say what I had been thinking for the week or whether it would be cheesy, but I decided that since this was probably my last chance to say it, I should get it out there. "Grandma," I said, "I think you did the best you could with me. And I appreciate it." And so I said goodbye, I guess.

I'm not one for life lessons, especially in this place, and I don't have any. I don't know when or how I'll miss her, but I can tell you that when I was coming back tonight and I was in my room, I stood there for a few minutes and realized that I could hear her voice very clearly if I concentrated on a memory, and if I concentrated I could also see us playing Scrabble, and I realized that was as close as it was ever going to get to being real again.

The Angry Files 2

Sometimes I wonder whether I am too angry at Comcast. Like, if it's affecting my life and all. I've been adding "Motherfucker" after ever mention or sighting of anything Comcast or Comcast-related, but I didn't think that was a huge deal.

Then today my class played Derivatives Scattegories. Derivatives Scattegories is a game I made up using the real Scattegories format. What I did is, I had a list of Latin roots and prefixes and I had the kids think of an English word that comes from the Latin roots or prefixes. The game is that if someone else has the word you have for that particular derivative, you don't get a point. First they played as individuals, then I had the kids compete with their tables, and then I had each table make a master list and they competed by table.

The kids really enjoyed this game. They actually like derivatives because it's a little bit like a puzzle. I'm impressed because they're actually able to determine the meaning of some words based on the Latin roots and prefixes.

Anyway, I was feeling good about the lesson and the kids and my life when I was walking around the room. And then one child said to me, "For the prefix co, would Comcast count?"

I reeled around to face him.

He actually jerked his head back. "Whoa! OK!"

"It doesn't count."

"You got the mad face on!" he said.

"Well, it doesn't count." Before I knew what was happening, I had stopped the game momentarily. "OK, kids, come back together for a minute. Important lesson time. Words of wisdom. Comcast does not count as a derivative for "Co." Does anyone know why?" I didn't wait for an answer. I just kept talking. "Because Comcast is a terrible, horrible company that treats its customers dishonestly. You know how disappointed I get when you guys lie to me? Well, Comcast lies. Comcast lies about its service and lies about how it deals with its customers. Does everyone understand what I'm saying?"

The scary thing about teaching is that none of the children had any look of shock; they were just sitting there obediently absorbing the lesson. Then again, maybe it's just a sign that I am always insane and in front of them. I don't know.

Finally, after a few moments of careful thought, one of the girls in the class raised her hand.

"But Miss, I get that Comcast is a terrible, horrible company and that they are liars. But doesn't it not count as a derivative just because "Co" means "together," and Comcast is just a name of the company?"

"But!" argued the little boy who had initially asked me for my approval of his derivative choice, "couldn't you say that you're casting a bunch of things like TV and internet together?"

"No," said another child. "I think com is short for communication."

"And communication is a derivative of com! When you communicate, you're talking TOGETHER with someone! So Comcast works!" he smiled triumphantly.

The rest of the kids nodded. "OK," they agreed. "Give him the point."

And here's what's disturbing: this whole conversation is evidence that the children had not only understood derivatives, but also that they were able to articulate and analyze their understanding. It was a sign that finally, they were showing that they were actually learning something valuable.

It was then that I realized that Comcast had not only robbed me of $360, countless hours, and general faith in companies and humanity, but it had also taken away this moment of success too. Because rather than thinking about all that good stuff, all I could think was, "Comcast. Motherfuckers."

The Angry Files 1

Right this second, I'm watching this ridiculous Dr. Phil show. I'm angry at myself for tuning in because now I'm actually angry - like screaming at the TV angry - over this outrageous debate that he's got going. And because I cannot scream directly at the moron woman on the show, I'm going to have to do it here. Here's the background: this woman has a website that is set up so that women can go on, in a public forum, and post pictures and full names of guys they've dated and warn other girls to stay away. The woman who runs this website does not claim that anything on the website is true, and she says that it's not her responsibility to make sure that the information is accurate. She's simply providing this opportunity for scorned and victimized women to stand up to the men who have done them wrong. Of course, these women can remain anonymous. The men get their names and pictures published, even though this woman running the site freely admits that she's not certain and cannot verify that any of it is true.

So, this one guy, a very well-spoken lawyer, finds out that he's on the site - and he claims the information isn't true. He calls up the woman who runs the site and asks her to take down the information. She says no and tells him to respond to the information by posting a "rebuttal" on her website. He says that will do nothing - claiming that he's really not gay or bisexual and that he doesn't have an STD will just add to the he-said she-said back and forth. Because she refuses to take down the post, he starts a lawsuit.

As soon as this show begins, I'm on the side of the guy, because I can't get past this: while I understand having this public forum for women to go on and talk about these awful guys and what they've done, I cannot understand how she can justify allowing these women to post pictures and full names of these guys when she freely admits that she cannot verify that the claims are, in fact, true. I am at a loss how anybody can see it differently, but apparently, this woman who runs the site is not only a moron, but also a total bitch.

She goes on and on about how it's her right to allow these women to have free speech. I agree with the whole free speech argument, but I cannot accept that it's okay to write whatever you want about someone on the internet, for anybody to look up and read, when it's not necessarily true. Anybody who runs a website where these things happen should be held accountable!

I was pretty annoyed by this woman and I was in shock that she thought she could justify her position. I kept thinking that the lawyer guy was so well spoken and he brought up all sorts of good arguments: if he has a client, his client might decide to google him or research him and this is what would come up. Obviously, this might cost him business. The woman could not understand why he would not just post on the site. He brought up that it's not right for him to respond to these anonymous cowardly posts because there's really no way to post anything without giving credibility to the forum that this woman has created, which he definitely does not want to do. So I'm watching this stupid show feeling worse and worse for this guy who is saying that he's been begging to have the information removed, who says he just wants to be happy and not worry about potential clients or dates or even family members finding the false information.

Then this woman goes on to say this stupid gem: she says she finds it ironic that he is suing her - in effect, asking for money, she says - for having this website that allows women to put up "questionable information" when he is a criminal defense attorney for a living and he makes his money defending rapists and murderers. Umm, what?!?! She's saying that because he is a criminal defense attorney, it's hypocritical of him to ask her for money for what he thinks is putting up false statements that might be damaging. That doesn't even make sense to me! Talk about delusional and hypocritical: her entire defense about this lawsuit is the constitutional right for free speech. Well, guess what, you stupid moron, it's someone else's constitutional right to have an attorney and be defended in a court of law!!!

I think this Dr. Phil show might be old, so I went to google and tried to figure out what happened in the lawsuit, but so far, I have been unsuccessful. Hold on a second though, I'm going to check again because I'm pretty riled up. OK, I just checked online and I couldn't find anything but I also got even angrier. (OH MY GOD RIGHT NOW THE SHOW IS GETTING ME EVEN ANGRIER!!! They have this couple on, well, excuse me, and ex-couple, and the girl is out for revenge when the guy cheated on her three times. Well, they go through this whole thing and she comes off as totally insane until at the very end, when he says he met her when he was 35. She was 17!!!!! His reasoning for getting together with her, and his justification for going for such a young girl? "Well, the mass media is always showing young women as marketed towards older men." What the FUCK is wrong with society?!?!) Anyway, my point is, I tried to find out what happened with the lawsuit but I couldn't find anything and then I even went on her dumb website and found the post so obviously nothing's really been resolved in any way that I think it should be.

Bottomline is, it's just not okay to have a website like the one this woman runs. And it's pretty disturbing that she thinks that free speech is a defense for her to put up such crap that may or may not be true but that is most definitely available to anybody that searches for a guy on the internet. With everyone into this google search for a background check of potential employees or dates or business partner, having false information about you online can be really damaging. This woman's driving a jaguar and has all this money, and she's making it off possibly-true statements and, if you want to be cheesy about it, the pain of these jilted women. I hate her.

I was having a fine night and then I watched Dr. Phil. That'll teach me.