Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Paper and Pencils and Post-Its OH MY

So it's back to school. They used to have this Staples commercial, with this dad guy on a shopping cart dancing around the aisles with the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" playing in the background. I really got a kick out of that.

I have this issue with all of my school supplies. I love them.

Some people, like normal girls, get psyched about shoes and bags and clothes. I like a good bag, but it's nothing compared to the excitement level I experience when I enter a Staples or Office Max, right at the end of August, when all their aisles are fresh and brimming with packs of paper, five star notebooks, and highlighters. I used to love going to Office Max with my father on the weekends. Yeah, that's right. I'll claim that fact.

I have this obsession with notebooks. I can't write in wide-ruled books, only college ruled. And I hate when the lines are sort of blueish purple, rather than a straight sky blue. Drives me nuts. I've been known to open notebooks to check before I'll buy them. I also have this thing where I hate five star notebooks. I think they're pretentious.

I think this obsession started early on. In middle school, sixth grade to be exact, I'd go through binders like nobody's business. I bet Staples would have loved me. The thing was, I'd get all excited about the prospect of having this great new notebook to use, so I'd become obsessed with the idea that I needed a new one. I even lied to my mother and told her that the principal had made an announcement saying that we all needed new binders. Every two weeks. My mom was like, "Yeah right, you are a freak," but hey, if what I wanted was paper and not drugs, she was okay. The real humdinger was when I talked my dad into getting me the $15.95 five star binder that zipped up. When I exchanged - uhh, threw out - that one for the $2.99 Mead binder a month later, he wasn't too pleased.

There was also the graffiti issue. Everyone would write on their binders. Sometimes I'd think, no, I want to clean cover. Then I'd change my mind. Then, I'd have to get a new binder because I wouldn't want that stuff written anymore. It was a real conundrum. I have to say that I spent a lot of time debating whether to write my name in all caps versus script - more than once. Sick.

High school got a little easier because you didn't use a binder anymore; just notebooks. I moved on to Grad notebooks. I had forgotten about Five Star because they sucked. Seriously, I don't like FiveStar at all. They're expensive and snotty looking. Well, actually, the real reason I hate Five Star is because their lines are very purple. Barely blue. See if that gets my business.

So yeah I would get Grad notebooks at $3.29 a pop. Then move on to college, when I got real and just got the 79 cents Staples notebooks. That was when the obsession lifted and instead of actually buying all the supplies, I'll just smell them.

I'm not joking.

The highlight of my day a few weeks ago was going into Staples and buying a planner and folders with sports logos: Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins, and UConn Huskies. It's really sick.

I've also found that my obsession has spread to any paper goods. Cards, planners, address books, fancy notebooks. I really love those notebooks/journals in Barnes and Noble. I have a few blank ones, that I've never used, that I had to buy just because.

I feel like this should be classified as a disease of some sort. Paperphrenia. Or like Manic Paper Disoder. Something creative. In Latin.