BitterSWEET
Someone told me today that I was bitter in this online recording thing. That really stuck with me, all through my class this afternoon and into my day at work. Right now I'm supposed to be doing some sort of menial clerical work, but I'm too obsessed with proving that I'm not bitter to even begin to stuff envelopes and pretend to care about international student data forms.
So, instead, I'm writing a positive entry. The idea came to me in class today, so instead of taking notes, I wrote down a list of things that I really like in life. The list began as simple things I really enjoy that I think other people might like, and then, it became a list of people I really enjoy. I decided that this will be the BitterSWEET awards. If I could, I'd give every single thing/person/story on this list an award for its overall goodness and enjoyability.
In no particular order:
1. Mudflats on Cape Cod
When I was a kid, my family would go to the Cape every year. We'd go to the beach every day because my father loves the beach. My favorite thing to do would be to collect rocks. I would collect rocks that were cool shapes or colors. Sometimes though, the rocks would only be cool because they were wet with sea water. When they dried, they'd be plain gray. If this were not such an upbeat entry, I'd go into more detail about the disappointment associated with the false hope of amazing geological discoveries. Alas.
(By the way, I really hate using the word "alas" and even more when people write "alas, I digress." But I couldn't help it here.)
But anyway, the best finds were always on the mudflats. Mudflats are the areas of lowtide around the bay on the Cape. When we'd be on vacation, I'd ask my dad about whether it was a good day for mudflats. He'd look it up in the paper and tell me whether we could go walk on the flats. And, if it was a good day for mudflats, I'd be excited the whole day. Really. It's kind of weird, when I think about it. But it was the best time of day. Easily my favorite Cape Cod memory. My sister and brother would sleep on the way home from the beach, and so would my mom, so my dad and I would walk the flats. We'd walk so far sometimes, we'd see tiny sailboats just washed up on the mud. Even the feeling of the cool mud under my feet was fun. I'd find the best shells and rocks. Only sometimes I'd get grossed out at the crabs and crap around. That's the only bitter part of this BitterSWEET award.
2. Crunching leaves and the smell of autumn burning
To me, there is no better sound than that of leaves crunching. I'm obsessed with it. In fact, on Sunday, my dad and brother came up to see me. We were out in Revere and I thought I saw a crunchy leaf, so I actually turned around and went back to step on it.
It wasn't a leaf.
My brother said it was a dead bird, but I think he was just being nasty. Anyhow, it didn't crunch and I didn't stick around to find out. I just rubbed my flip flop on every piece of clean sidewalk I could find. (A flip flop! Could it get worse? I mean, at least let me step on it with a full shoe like a sneaker! Gross. My foot actually probably touched it. Okay enough, this is gross. Back to positivity.)
So anyhow, when they are actually leaves and they are actually dried up, I love love love crunching them. My sister and I used to fight each other as to who could crunch the leaf if we saw it.
The only thing I just thought of is, that would have been the first crunchy leaf of the season. I was thinking that as I was about to crunch it. Is that a bad sign? I bet it is.
Crap. :-/
...Positivity. :-D
I also love the smell of autumn. Have you ever smelled burning? God it smells so good. This might make me seem like a freak; if so, fine, but one of my most favorite smells is definitely fire, like in a fireplace. If you take a walk at night, you can smell it. It smells like autumn to me. Sometimes you'll go out during the day and you can almost smell the cold air, like this past Sunday. I really love that.
3. Fenway Park Magic
I've worked there for the past three months, and it still gives me the chills to walk up the alley and into the actual park area. Amazing. Seeing the huge lights on the field, against the night sky - there's nothing like it. I'm not sure there's a more beautiful sight in Boston. The way the players are out there, it's like magic. It always makes me think of "Field of Dreams" and players coming right out from the cornhusks. Seriously. They don't even seem real out there; they just seem like magic. I can't explain it. It's either a feeling you get or you don't. I just have to say that I'm so glad I get it.
4. People who smell amazing
I love when I'm walking down the street and suddenly someone will walk by and you'll smell their shampoo or soap or cologne or whatever and you think, "Man that smells so good!" I love it.
I realized I really love when people smell amazing one night on the Cape. Lots of Cape Cod references today. (By the way, I also enjoy mini golfing. I've probably said this before, but I CHALLENGE anyone to a mini golf game. I will win.) So anyhow, I'm in this shell store. And you know how some shell stores smell funky? Well maybe you don't, but let me just tell you, they do. They have this weird sea smell. So I'm in the store, thinking, wow, this place smells, and then all of a sudden, this guy walks by who smelled absolutely amazing. I think it was the Polo Sport smell or something. I had a friend in high school who wore the scent and I thought it smelled amazing. I love that, when it randomly happens that someone smells really good.
5. Denise
Denise is the Warren Towers burrito goddess. I've bestowed the title upon Denise because for the past two years, Denise has made the burritos at Warren, and she has done an A+ job. People get in line and bark their order, and she does whatever they ask and she does it efficiently. And she doesn't gop on the tomatoes in one place so you get a huge bite of tomato, and when I see her, she always smiles and asks how I'm doing and we have a nice little conversation that really brightens the whole burrito experience.
6. Beer Man @ the PawSox
This past Labor Day, I went to the PawSox with my friends Stef and Kate, and then Stef's two friends. During the game, Stef and Kate decided to each get a beer. Then, one of Stef's friends asked if Stef could get her one, too. So I said I'd take a walk with Stef and Kate and I thought I might get a beer myself. So we get to the stand, and I say outloud, "Yeah you know, I'm not gonna get one after all." So Stef and Kate each show their ID and then they ask for three beers. Yeah, that looks sketch. So the beer guy gives Stef and Kate the two beers and then shoves one in my direction and says, "Oh, come on, take it, I know it's for you." So I told him, "No, really, I'm 21, trust me, I just don't want the beer." But he didn't really believe me.
We went back to our seats and gave the girl her beer. Then I had a sip of Kate's and decided you know, I really WOULD like a beer. So I decided to go back to the beer guy stand just so he could know I wasn't a liar. And I did. And here's what he did, and here's why he makes the list: he said, "Ha, just for doubting you, the beer's on me."
Then he even agreed to take a picture with me and for the picture he let me come behind the beer stand.
Stand up guy.
7. The GAP
No list of sweet things in my life can not include the Gap. Long and Leans, baby, Long and Leans.
8. Infomercials
Is there a better way to waste time? I doubt it. I have a secret: I love them. I really do. I loved the Foreman infomercial. Maybe it was saying the name - Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine - that got me into it. (Seriously, is there a better name for a product? I think not.) But anyhow, I begged my mom for a Foreman machine for my birthday. I was, like, 10. Eight years later, on my way to college, my mom bought me a Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. I was so excited. You know how many times I've used it? None. But still, I can say, "Oh yeah, I have a Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine," and that might be the best part.
Did you ever watch infomercials though with those fake commercials in between? With those people saying that the product works amazing for them? Love those. The best though might be when they have people doing things all wrong because they don't have the product. I wish they'd just flash "FAILURE!" across the screen. That would be a good touch.
Also, there's always the same lady on TV being sold everything. She's a real hoot. She's always amazed at how everything works. She's like, "Really?! No way! You cannot do that! No!" And then whoever is selling the infomercial must be thinking, "YOU ARE SO STUPID OF COURSE THIS WORKS OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE HERE." But he just smiles and goes, "Oh yes, Stupid, it DOES work!" Remember the shrinkwrap saver stuff? You could save anything! They could store clothes, food, money, silveware... everything. I was really impressed. A vacuum saver I think. The only thing is, they kept talking about making beef jerky and that really turned me off.
Anyhow, overall, infomercials are sweeeet.
9. Vocabulary Pickups
I love when you pick up a new word or phrase or you hear someone say something incredibly genius. Love it. My friend Vicky has all these great phrases. She's got a real talent for using them too. I'm telling you, delivery is half the battle. She's always saying to me, "What up, homegirl?" which is funny in itself if you ask me. But then we were on call together a couple Saturdays ago and she says, "If anybody acts up, we're just callin the popo." I almost died.
Some other good ones:
a. GTFO: Get the Fuck Out. Example: You go to a party, you see it's wicked lame (oh my god, one time, my friend convinced me to come out to her apartment in freakin Brighton at 11 on a Thursday night. Winter. So I go all the way out there. She's like, "Yeah there are about twenty guys here and two girls, so come out." So yeah, I did. I get there. Someone hands me a cup of water. Then, I look around and see two guys surrounded by like fifteen girls. One of the guys was gay. It sucked.). Now, had I been with a friend at this party (if you can even call it that), I would have leaned over and said, "GTFO? Let's GTFO." And then she'd be like, "Yup. GTFO." The key is you have to sound very conspiratory and definitive about it. Great phrase. Once, my friend Merry said to me, "Let's GTFO," in Barnes and Noble. We left, and then once outside, this woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "GTFO... Get the Fuck out?" Ahh, spreading the vocabulary goodness. That situation totally owned.
b. Owns/Ownership: from above. This is an extremely complex term and it takes time to use it effectively. It is when you are the better in the situation. For instance, Merry once called the BU directory and, thinking she had reached the BU Hillel, asked for the time of services. She was owned. She says she was owned by God, but that's debatable. If you win a point of debate, you own the other person. Also, the worst state to be in is the constant state of being eligible for being owned. This has happened to me. I once typed a message to someone about someone else, and the someone else was in the room. She would own me, should I ever see her on the street. De facto ownership. A very elusive situation, but one of the worst, nonetheless.
c. The WORST! (accent on WORST!) you have to just say it in this amazingly loud obnoxious tone. The WORST! If something is absolutely heinous, it's the WORST! Say it like a little kid eating brussel sprouts or something, and you've got it. As in: "That class on the medieval practices of moths was the WORST!" And no, I have no clue where the idea for a medieval practices of moths class came from.
There are many more, but those are the three examples I like best. I really like adopting what other people say. Although I don't know that I'll say "popo" any time soon.
I seriously continue to laugh just thinking about that.
10. Random Acts of Laughter
This is the best. It applies to different situations. One is when you'll think of a funny memory and start laughing to yourself. You can't help it. Nothing around you is funny, you're not laughing at anyone in the room, but you can't stop laughing. People start to look at you funny and ask you what you're laughing at. If they're freaks, they start getting paranoid that you're laughing at them. That just adds to the funniness of the situation.
Maybe that only happens to me, but I hope not.
The other random acts of laughter occur when someone does something funny and doesn't realize that either a. they did it, or b. that you're laughing at/with them. Sometimes though, something completely hysterical happens that is so totally random that it doesn't matter whether the person knows it happened or that you're laughing. I once had dinner with my friend Andy in the Warren Towers dining hall and this kid dumped an entire tray of food all over himself. He even had to start taking off his pants and just wear his Navy shorts because he was wearing khaki pants and had spilled cranberry juice all over the place. Oh my god, funniest moment of junior year. In fact, I'm laughing/half crying/shoulders shaking while I'm writing this, causing the earlier definition of RAL to occur. My boss thinks I'm a freak. Although she might just be thinking, "What is she typing over there that has to do with stuffing envelopes??"
Anyhow, that one incident was great. The whole tray... knocked entirely over. Ma, that was classic. He knew people were laughing though. At first it looked like he had just spilled some milk or something, but then you saw the entire tray get knocked over on top of him and oh my god I have to stop because I'm shaking too much from laughing. People should get awards for those kind of spills, and so this one makes it to the list.
So that's the list of good things. There are more, of course. And the important thing to take from this entry is to remember that I'm not really a bitter person. Generally, I love people. Especially fat little kids, because I feel bad for them and want them to know they're great. I once saw this kid at Government Center, this kid Danny (that's what his mom called him) and he was being so good and waiting for the bus and holding his mom's packages and he was a chubby little checker. I really wanted to adopt him. But his mom looked like a nice lady.
And stories like that are why I just stick to talking about morons. The good folks... they're out of my league.
So, instead, I'm writing a positive entry. The idea came to me in class today, so instead of taking notes, I wrote down a list of things that I really like in life. The list began as simple things I really enjoy that I think other people might like, and then, it became a list of people I really enjoy. I decided that this will be the BitterSWEET awards. If I could, I'd give every single thing/person/story on this list an award for its overall goodness and enjoyability.
In no particular order:
1. Mudflats on Cape Cod
When I was a kid, my family would go to the Cape every year. We'd go to the beach every day because my father loves the beach. My favorite thing to do would be to collect rocks. I would collect rocks that were cool shapes or colors. Sometimes though, the rocks would only be cool because they were wet with sea water. When they dried, they'd be plain gray. If this were not such an upbeat entry, I'd go into more detail about the disappointment associated with the false hope of amazing geological discoveries. Alas.
(By the way, I really hate using the word "alas" and even more when people write "alas, I digress." But I couldn't help it here.)
But anyway, the best finds were always on the mudflats. Mudflats are the areas of lowtide around the bay on the Cape. When we'd be on vacation, I'd ask my dad about whether it was a good day for mudflats. He'd look it up in the paper and tell me whether we could go walk on the flats. And, if it was a good day for mudflats, I'd be excited the whole day. Really. It's kind of weird, when I think about it. But it was the best time of day. Easily my favorite Cape Cod memory. My sister and brother would sleep on the way home from the beach, and so would my mom, so my dad and I would walk the flats. We'd walk so far sometimes, we'd see tiny sailboats just washed up on the mud. Even the feeling of the cool mud under my feet was fun. I'd find the best shells and rocks. Only sometimes I'd get grossed out at the crabs and crap around. That's the only bitter part of this BitterSWEET award.
2. Crunching leaves and the smell of autumn burning
To me, there is no better sound than that of leaves crunching. I'm obsessed with it. In fact, on Sunday, my dad and brother came up to see me. We were out in Revere and I thought I saw a crunchy leaf, so I actually turned around and went back to step on it.
It wasn't a leaf.
My brother said it was a dead bird, but I think he was just being nasty. Anyhow, it didn't crunch and I didn't stick around to find out. I just rubbed my flip flop on every piece of clean sidewalk I could find. (A flip flop! Could it get worse? I mean, at least let me step on it with a full shoe like a sneaker! Gross. My foot actually probably touched it. Okay enough, this is gross. Back to positivity.)
So anyhow, when they are actually leaves and they are actually dried up, I love love love crunching them. My sister and I used to fight each other as to who could crunch the leaf if we saw it.
The only thing I just thought of is, that would have been the first crunchy leaf of the season. I was thinking that as I was about to crunch it. Is that a bad sign? I bet it is.
Crap. :-/
...Positivity. :-D
I also love the smell of autumn. Have you ever smelled burning? God it smells so good. This might make me seem like a freak; if so, fine, but one of my most favorite smells is definitely fire, like in a fireplace. If you take a walk at night, you can smell it. It smells like autumn to me. Sometimes you'll go out during the day and you can almost smell the cold air, like this past Sunday. I really love that.
3. Fenway Park Magic
I've worked there for the past three months, and it still gives me the chills to walk up the alley and into the actual park area. Amazing. Seeing the huge lights on the field, against the night sky - there's nothing like it. I'm not sure there's a more beautiful sight in Boston. The way the players are out there, it's like magic. It always makes me think of "Field of Dreams" and players coming right out from the cornhusks. Seriously. They don't even seem real out there; they just seem like magic. I can't explain it. It's either a feeling you get or you don't. I just have to say that I'm so glad I get it.
4. People who smell amazing
I love when I'm walking down the street and suddenly someone will walk by and you'll smell their shampoo or soap or cologne or whatever and you think, "Man that smells so good!" I love it.
I realized I really love when people smell amazing one night on the Cape. Lots of Cape Cod references today. (By the way, I also enjoy mini golfing. I've probably said this before, but I CHALLENGE anyone to a mini golf game. I will win.) So anyhow, I'm in this shell store. And you know how some shell stores smell funky? Well maybe you don't, but let me just tell you, they do. They have this weird sea smell. So I'm in the store, thinking, wow, this place smells, and then all of a sudden, this guy walks by who smelled absolutely amazing. I think it was the Polo Sport smell or something. I had a friend in high school who wore the scent and I thought it smelled amazing. I love that, when it randomly happens that someone smells really good.
5. Denise
Denise is the Warren Towers burrito goddess. I've bestowed the title upon Denise because for the past two years, Denise has made the burritos at Warren, and she has done an A+ job. People get in line and bark their order, and she does whatever they ask and she does it efficiently. And she doesn't gop on the tomatoes in one place so you get a huge bite of tomato, and when I see her, she always smiles and asks how I'm doing and we have a nice little conversation that really brightens the whole burrito experience.
6. Beer Man @ the PawSox
This past Labor Day, I went to the PawSox with my friends Stef and Kate, and then Stef's two friends. During the game, Stef and Kate decided to each get a beer. Then, one of Stef's friends asked if Stef could get her one, too. So I said I'd take a walk with Stef and Kate and I thought I might get a beer myself. So we get to the stand, and I say outloud, "Yeah you know, I'm not gonna get one after all." So Stef and Kate each show their ID and then they ask for three beers. Yeah, that looks sketch. So the beer guy gives Stef and Kate the two beers and then shoves one in my direction and says, "Oh, come on, take it, I know it's for you." So I told him, "No, really, I'm 21, trust me, I just don't want the beer." But he didn't really believe me.
We went back to our seats and gave the girl her beer. Then I had a sip of Kate's and decided you know, I really WOULD like a beer. So I decided to go back to the beer guy stand just so he could know I wasn't a liar. And I did. And here's what he did, and here's why he makes the list: he said, "Ha, just for doubting you, the beer's on me."
Then he even agreed to take a picture with me and for the picture he let me come behind the beer stand.
Stand up guy.
7. The GAP
No list of sweet things in my life can not include the Gap. Long and Leans, baby, Long and Leans.
8. Infomercials
Is there a better way to waste time? I doubt it. I have a secret: I love them. I really do. I loved the Foreman infomercial. Maybe it was saying the name - Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine - that got me into it. (Seriously, is there a better name for a product? I think not.) But anyhow, I begged my mom for a Foreman machine for my birthday. I was, like, 10. Eight years later, on my way to college, my mom bought me a Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. I was so excited. You know how many times I've used it? None. But still, I can say, "Oh yeah, I have a Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine," and that might be the best part.
Did you ever watch infomercials though with those fake commercials in between? With those people saying that the product works amazing for them? Love those. The best though might be when they have people doing things all wrong because they don't have the product. I wish they'd just flash "FAILURE!" across the screen. That would be a good touch.
Also, there's always the same lady on TV being sold everything. She's a real hoot. She's always amazed at how everything works. She's like, "Really?! No way! You cannot do that! No!" And then whoever is selling the infomercial must be thinking, "YOU ARE SO STUPID OF COURSE THIS WORKS OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE HERE." But he just smiles and goes, "Oh yes, Stupid, it DOES work!" Remember the shrinkwrap saver stuff? You could save anything! They could store clothes, food, money, silveware... everything. I was really impressed. A vacuum saver I think. The only thing is, they kept talking about making beef jerky and that really turned me off.
Anyhow, overall, infomercials are sweeeet.
9. Vocabulary Pickups
I love when you pick up a new word or phrase or you hear someone say something incredibly genius. Love it. My friend Vicky has all these great phrases. She's got a real talent for using them too. I'm telling you, delivery is half the battle. She's always saying to me, "What up, homegirl?" which is funny in itself if you ask me. But then we were on call together a couple Saturdays ago and she says, "If anybody acts up, we're just callin the popo." I almost died.
Some other good ones:
a. GTFO: Get the Fuck Out. Example: You go to a party, you see it's wicked lame (oh my god, one time, my friend convinced me to come out to her apartment in freakin Brighton at 11 on a Thursday night. Winter. So I go all the way out there. She's like, "Yeah there are about twenty guys here and two girls, so come out." So yeah, I did. I get there. Someone hands me a cup of water. Then, I look around and see two guys surrounded by like fifteen girls. One of the guys was gay. It sucked.). Now, had I been with a friend at this party (if you can even call it that), I would have leaned over and said, "GTFO? Let's GTFO." And then she'd be like, "Yup. GTFO." The key is you have to sound very conspiratory and definitive about it. Great phrase. Once, my friend Merry said to me, "Let's GTFO," in Barnes and Noble. We left, and then once outside, this woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "GTFO... Get the Fuck out?" Ahh, spreading the vocabulary goodness. That situation totally owned.
b. Owns/Ownership: from above. This is an extremely complex term and it takes time to use it effectively. It is when you are the better in the situation. For instance, Merry once called the BU directory and, thinking she had reached the BU Hillel, asked for the time of services. She was owned. She says she was owned by God, but that's debatable. If you win a point of debate, you own the other person. Also, the worst state to be in is the constant state of being eligible for being owned. This has happened to me. I once typed a message to someone about someone else, and the someone else was in the room. She would own me, should I ever see her on the street. De facto ownership. A very elusive situation, but one of the worst, nonetheless.
c. The WORST! (accent on WORST!) you have to just say it in this amazingly loud obnoxious tone. The WORST! If something is absolutely heinous, it's the WORST! Say it like a little kid eating brussel sprouts or something, and you've got it. As in: "That class on the medieval practices of moths was the WORST!" And no, I have no clue where the idea for a medieval practices of moths class came from.
There are many more, but those are the three examples I like best. I really like adopting what other people say. Although I don't know that I'll say "popo" any time soon.
I seriously continue to laugh just thinking about that.
10. Random Acts of Laughter
This is the best. It applies to different situations. One is when you'll think of a funny memory and start laughing to yourself. You can't help it. Nothing around you is funny, you're not laughing at anyone in the room, but you can't stop laughing. People start to look at you funny and ask you what you're laughing at. If they're freaks, they start getting paranoid that you're laughing at them. That just adds to the funniness of the situation.
Maybe that only happens to me, but I hope not.
The other random acts of laughter occur when someone does something funny and doesn't realize that either a. they did it, or b. that you're laughing at/with them. Sometimes though, something completely hysterical happens that is so totally random that it doesn't matter whether the person knows it happened or that you're laughing. I once had dinner with my friend Andy in the Warren Towers dining hall and this kid dumped an entire tray of food all over himself. He even had to start taking off his pants and just wear his Navy shorts because he was wearing khaki pants and had spilled cranberry juice all over the place. Oh my god, funniest moment of junior year. In fact, I'm laughing/half crying/shoulders shaking while I'm writing this, causing the earlier definition of RAL to occur. My boss thinks I'm a freak. Although she might just be thinking, "What is she typing over there that has to do with stuffing envelopes??"
Anyhow, that one incident was great. The whole tray... knocked entirely over. Ma, that was classic. He knew people were laughing though. At first it looked like he had just spilled some milk or something, but then you saw the entire tray get knocked over on top of him and oh my god I have to stop because I'm shaking too much from laughing. People should get awards for those kind of spills, and so this one makes it to the list.
So that's the list of good things. There are more, of course. And the important thing to take from this entry is to remember that I'm not really a bitter person. Generally, I love people. Especially fat little kids, because I feel bad for them and want them to know they're great. I once saw this kid at Government Center, this kid Danny (that's what his mom called him) and he was being so good and waiting for the bus and holding his mom's packages and he was a chubby little checker. I really wanted to adopt him. But his mom looked like a nice lady.
And stories like that are why I just stick to talking about morons. The good folks... they're out of my league.
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