Moronic Moments of 2007
I know, I know, I know. I never write in this anymore. Some people may think that this means that I don't have as many issues with morons or jerks, but sadly, that is not the case. Anyhow, I don't really have any excuses or explanations, just the truth: no time, no energy, no talent. So I didn't write. But, the good (I think) news is that in the time I wasn't writing, I was still gathering all of these little thoughts about how annoying people slash the world can be. I would actually compose mini rants in my head, and then get ready to use all of them at once, like now, in this end of the year post.
With the end of the year just a few days away, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on some of the most moronic or annoying moments and trends of 2007. In no particular order:
DIGITS
My brother is ridiculous. He and my sister have this game called "Digits" where you basically slap someone across the face and yell "Digits!" at them. You then cannot be slapped back for 24 hours. But only if you say digits. And they each follow these rules religiously. It's to the point where my brother actually sets his watch to go off 24 hours after my sister slaps him.
What's worse is that when I was home, when I would hear my brother's watch go off, my hand would instinctively go to my cheek and so would my sister's. We were terrified when we heard that buzzer start. Eventually, my brother would notice my sister's and my panic-stricken faces and assure us that it was a reminder for something else, but it was like a Pavlovian response.
The worst thing was if you were scheduled for revenge during a time when you know you couldn't do it. For example, my sister was scheduled to slap my brother back during a performance of "The Christmas Carol," so she knew she couldn't slap him in the middle of a play. She'd have to wait, but she also knew that it meant she was fair game for him again and she'd have to get to him first.
Or, when I would OCCASSIONALLY get involved in this melee myself, my sister had bad luck again and realized that her 24 hours mark was when we were with my father, who would NOT react well to this. (Side note: my father rarely likes the games his children play. When we were little, we'd play "Make me Laugh" and "Crappy Cars" during long car rides and my father would freak out. Of course, I now understand how horribly bratty and elitist it is to have a game where the point is to identify the crappiest car on the road, but I still do not see his anger in "Make Me Laugh.") Anyway, my sister I guess decided to throw caution to the wind and she slapped me right in front of my father. It was a pretty hard and loud slap, and she got in a lot of trouble for it.
I'm done talking about it because it's a stupid game.
WHAT'S IN MY MOUTH??
While out to dinner with my father, sister, and brother, my brother suddenly announced to the table, "I think a good idea for a game show would be 'What's in my Mouth?' where contestants have to figure out what foods people are eating based on listening to them chew."
Crickets.
"Because think about it, eating salad can be just as crunchy as a chip. When I was eating a piece of lettuce I wondered whether Elana thought I was eating a chip or my salad."
"Don't tell anybody else that idea," my father said.
TEXTING
Texting is not moronic, and it's not really annoying, but it makes the list because I want to be the first person to predict this - not terrorism, or the depletion of the ozone layer - as the downfall of humanity and society. Seriously, we do not communicate anymore. People think I'm being extreme, but I point to the letter as my example. A lot of people are probably even confused by that - "the letter? What is that?" Well, it's the old-fashioned in the mail letter. People used to send them to others as a way to say hello and check in. Those quickly became obsolete, especially with the introduction of email. Now people don't send business letters or invitations or check-ins anymore. They send emails.
Email didn't just replace letters, though. It also replaced phone calls. Want to cancel a lunch or dinner date? Easy. Email the person. Email is a coward's form of communication though, because you don't have to actually interact with the other person. You don't have to deal with the disappointment or the possible questions that might come from an actual conversation. So you email.
And that's the real issue: people say it's out of convenience to email, that it's quicker than making a phone call. And while I agree that the main motivation behind email is convenience, I think you have to examine WHY it's quicker: it's faster because you don't have to actually interact with anybody else. If you want to invite people to a party, send out a mass email. That way, you don't have to call the people you want to later hang out with and waste precious moments of your life talking to them now. This makes no sense to me, but everyone does it. Including me, by the way.
Which brings me to texting. Texting is even worse because on top of doing everything to communication that email is doing, texting gives the sense of false intimacy. Let me explain: texting makes you think that you are in constant close communication. You think that because you are texting with someone, you are really communicating with them (because you now think texting back and forth is the equivalent of a conversation) and that you are therefore developing a relationship (because a series of texts now equal a series of conversations - or even worse - virtual get togethers).
So here is why texting is going to be the downfall of society and humanity: people BELIEVE that it is helping them to become closer and better communicators, when in fact it is taking away all forms of true communication because it removes all human to human interaction. It's not good.
And yet, I text. And text. And text. So, I'm not saying that in 2008, I'm going to stop or even make anyone else stop. I mean, with all these morons out there, who says I'm for more communication between people anyway? If I could text conversations between me and salesclerks, I would. My only point is that in a few months, when people are being paid millions of dollars at prestigious universities to write disserations on issues of communication and they come out with these huge studies about how texting is ruining the English language and the "art" of conversation and completely derailing human interactions, well, I just want people to know: you heard it here first.
REHAB
I was about to rant again about rehab, but I realized I'd already done that in an earlier post this year. I'll leave it here for the sake of the list, because I do believe it's one of the most moronic things in 2007. It's not that I'm against rehab, but in Hollywood, it seems like everyone goes to the same places and relapses almost immediately. Isn't that bad publicity? Put it this way: If Britney Spears went to your rehab clinic or resort, then it's time to close shop. Or hire a new PR director.
NON-SHOVELERS
If you own property, you have to shovel the sidewalk in front of it. You just do. I went home over Christmas and saw that in the suburbs, people shoveled their entire driveways and sidewalk areas. There was tons of snow, and even patches of ice, but not a drop of it was anywhere near a walkway. You didn't have to climb over a snowbank to get from the sidewalk to the street. It was amazing. I almost took a picture.
GROUP WALKERS
Three years ago, I wrote about annoying walkers. People who take up the entire sidewalk and block your way and don't move left or right to help you out if they see you coming. Or they walk really slow and take up the entire sidewalk. Or they don't open doors for you, or the go out the enter door and hold up an entire line of people.
Well, three years later, and the same rants apply.
Until next year...
With the end of the year just a few days away, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on some of the most moronic or annoying moments and trends of 2007. In no particular order:
DIGITS
My brother is ridiculous. He and my sister have this game called "Digits" where you basically slap someone across the face and yell "Digits!" at them. You then cannot be slapped back for 24 hours. But only if you say digits. And they each follow these rules religiously. It's to the point where my brother actually sets his watch to go off 24 hours after my sister slaps him.
What's worse is that when I was home, when I would hear my brother's watch go off, my hand would instinctively go to my cheek and so would my sister's. We were terrified when we heard that buzzer start. Eventually, my brother would notice my sister's and my panic-stricken faces and assure us that it was a reminder for something else, but it was like a Pavlovian response.
The worst thing was if you were scheduled for revenge during a time when you know you couldn't do it. For example, my sister was scheduled to slap my brother back during a performance of "The Christmas Carol," so she knew she couldn't slap him in the middle of a play. She'd have to wait, but she also knew that it meant she was fair game for him again and she'd have to get to him first.
Or, when I would OCCASSIONALLY get involved in this melee myself, my sister had bad luck again and realized that her 24 hours mark was when we were with my father, who would NOT react well to this. (Side note: my father rarely likes the games his children play. When we were little, we'd play "Make me Laugh" and "Crappy Cars" during long car rides and my father would freak out. Of course, I now understand how horribly bratty and elitist it is to have a game where the point is to identify the crappiest car on the road, but I still do not see his anger in "Make Me Laugh.") Anyway, my sister I guess decided to throw caution to the wind and she slapped me right in front of my father. It was a pretty hard and loud slap, and she got in a lot of trouble for it.
I'm done talking about it because it's a stupid game.
WHAT'S IN MY MOUTH??
While out to dinner with my father, sister, and brother, my brother suddenly announced to the table, "I think a good idea for a game show would be 'What's in my Mouth?' where contestants have to figure out what foods people are eating based on listening to them chew."
Crickets.
"Because think about it, eating salad can be just as crunchy as a chip. When I was eating a piece of lettuce I wondered whether Elana thought I was eating a chip or my salad."
"Don't tell anybody else that idea," my father said.
TEXTING
Texting is not moronic, and it's not really annoying, but it makes the list because I want to be the first person to predict this - not terrorism, or the depletion of the ozone layer - as the downfall of humanity and society. Seriously, we do not communicate anymore. People think I'm being extreme, but I point to the letter as my example. A lot of people are probably even confused by that - "the letter? What is that?" Well, it's the old-fashioned in the mail letter. People used to send them to others as a way to say hello and check in. Those quickly became obsolete, especially with the introduction of email. Now people don't send business letters or invitations or check-ins anymore. They send emails.
Email didn't just replace letters, though. It also replaced phone calls. Want to cancel a lunch or dinner date? Easy. Email the person. Email is a coward's form of communication though, because you don't have to actually interact with the other person. You don't have to deal with the disappointment or the possible questions that might come from an actual conversation. So you email.
And that's the real issue: people say it's out of convenience to email, that it's quicker than making a phone call. And while I agree that the main motivation behind email is convenience, I think you have to examine WHY it's quicker: it's faster because you don't have to actually interact with anybody else. If you want to invite people to a party, send out a mass email. That way, you don't have to call the people you want to later hang out with and waste precious moments of your life talking to them now. This makes no sense to me, but everyone does it. Including me, by the way.
Which brings me to texting. Texting is even worse because on top of doing everything to communication that email is doing, texting gives the sense of false intimacy. Let me explain: texting makes you think that you are in constant close communication. You think that because you are texting with someone, you are really communicating with them (because you now think texting back and forth is the equivalent of a conversation) and that you are therefore developing a relationship (because a series of texts now equal a series of conversations - or even worse - virtual get togethers).
So here is why texting is going to be the downfall of society and humanity: people BELIEVE that it is helping them to become closer and better communicators, when in fact it is taking away all forms of true communication because it removes all human to human interaction. It's not good.
And yet, I text. And text. And text. So, I'm not saying that in 2008, I'm going to stop or even make anyone else stop. I mean, with all these morons out there, who says I'm for more communication between people anyway? If I could text conversations between me and salesclerks, I would. My only point is that in a few months, when people are being paid millions of dollars at prestigious universities to write disserations on issues of communication and they come out with these huge studies about how texting is ruining the English language and the "art" of conversation and completely derailing human interactions, well, I just want people to know: you heard it here first.
REHAB
I was about to rant again about rehab, but I realized I'd already done that in an earlier post this year. I'll leave it here for the sake of the list, because I do believe it's one of the most moronic things in 2007. It's not that I'm against rehab, but in Hollywood, it seems like everyone goes to the same places and relapses almost immediately. Isn't that bad publicity? Put it this way: If Britney Spears went to your rehab clinic or resort, then it's time to close shop. Or hire a new PR director.
NON-SHOVELERS
If you own property, you have to shovel the sidewalk in front of it. You just do. I went home over Christmas and saw that in the suburbs, people shoveled their entire driveways and sidewalk areas. There was tons of snow, and even patches of ice, but not a drop of it was anywhere near a walkway. You didn't have to climb over a snowbank to get from the sidewalk to the street. It was amazing. I almost took a picture.
GROUP WALKERS
Three years ago, I wrote about annoying walkers. People who take up the entire sidewalk and block your way and don't move left or right to help you out if they see you coming. Or they walk really slow and take up the entire sidewalk. Or they don't open doors for you, or the go out the enter door and hold up an entire line of people.
Well, three years later, and the same rants apply.
Until next year...
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