Cashing Out
Many mornings when I'm at work, I'll go to a nearby coffee establishment with one of my bosses. We each get a coffee. Once in a while, one of us will get either banana bread (me) or a blueberry muffin (her). Well, recently, this girl has been working there who is an absolute Cash Register Reject. I don't mean this to be condescending, but if you can't handle taking an order, punching some buttons, reading a screen, and handing back change, then the cashier position is not for you. For the life of me, I never understand how places can have people with subpar skills taking care of the register in any quality establishment. It seems to me that this is a key part of the business transaction, one which all customers must go through, at some point in their visit.
This girl at the coffee place just is out of her league. First of all, working at a coffee place is hard enough. I think anyone applying to work in a coffee establishment should have to have some experience working with soda or water or other basic drink orders. It's become like being a bartender, only worse. Every person makes their own caffeine creation and, because it's usually serving a purpose, they need it, like, stat. And, pre-coffee coffee drinkers usually aren't very nice people to deal with. So, you basically have to have your five-star employee working the front lines.
This girl is, like, half a star. Two thumbs down. I've ordered a small iced coffee for the past three mornings from her, and every single morning, she asks, "Iced?" Yeah. I even put my own milk in, so there's no additional information given... besides "small" "iced" and "coffee." Every day, I nod, and say "Iced." And then, when my boss orders the exact same drink and size by saying, "I will have the exact same thing. Same size. Small," she asks, "Small?" And every day, my boss nods and says, "Small." Then I'll hand over my card, and she'll take the card and swipe it and then I'll get two steps away, and like clockwork, she'll go, "Wait, a small iced coffee." That exact phrase. I can't even tell if it's a question or not, so I'll stand there and play a twisted version of "chicken" as I think both of us dare each other to make the next step in this game of stupidity. I always win, by the way, because after a few seconds of silence slash me looking around and making it look like she's being a total freak, she'll just wave me away and say nevermind.
All of this was more like some weird comic routine, with a mild annoyance that every single day, we had to repeat our orders. But really, it wasn't THAT bad.
Well, today, my boss complicated matters by asking for a blueberry muffin. There happened to be two blueberry muffin sizes - small and large - and she asked for a small muffin. So, of course, the girl gives her the large muffin. No big deal, understandable. So my boss hands the bag back to her and points into the tray and asks for the small muffin. The girl takes the bag back, puts back the muffin, makes a gesture towards the correct plate, and then chooses the exact same muffin she had put down and gives the bag back to my boss.
Come on now. It took two more tries to get my boss the correct muffin. This isn't rocket science. This isn't even science!
The thing is, I've run into some inept cash register operators and some master operators. There are some simple differences:
First, good cashiers keep the people moving by having a system in place for asking for orders, yelling out the orders to their workers, and getting and giving cash back. Bad cashiers are all over the place. It's like dictation, when you think about it. If someone's dictating something, do you wait until they're finished to start typing? No. As soon as I start talking, start punching. That's the rule of thumb, I think.
Also, what's with cashiers thinking about the correct change? There's a little screen that flashes it for everyone to see. Why do they have to stand there like they're solving a huge math equation, only to look down and see the total? I never get this. I'm not going to think more of anybody because they figure out the change I need by taking five minutes to do the quadratic equation.
And, in an unfortunate situation, it's bad to see cashiers struggle with how to give the correct change. I mean, if someone's owed 38 cents, let's say, it shouldn't be that difficult to dole out a quarter, dime, and three pennies. Still, I can understand that people might draw a blank or, they might just not be up on the whole currency math thing. This is where Qdoba wins my vote for best place, possibly ever. I had never been to this fast-foodish Mexican restaurant until we had a meeting there Wednesday night. Let me tell you, the place is amazing, if only because of how they give change to customers. I was waiting for my 75 cents back, when the woman pointed to this little container in front of me and told me the change was there. They have an actual chute that dispenses the correct change. She handed back the bills, and the coins were waiting for me in this little bowl. Totally amazing. Every business owner should invest in this.
Because here's the other thing that this little gizmo takes care of: the annoying cashier who gives back a handful of coins and bills and receipts all in one big handful, plus the bag/food, and then yells, "NEXT!" in your face. I really hate this. Sometimes, if it's not too big a line, I'll stand there for just an extra second getting myself all set before moving on, just because I think it's pretty rude to yell in a customer's face. Call me crazy, but I don't like it. So anyway, I really have found that I appreciate when a person gives me my dollar bills, waits half a second, then gives me the change, then the receipt. The world would be a happier place if everyone understood this.
Which brings me back my original point, that only the best and brightest and most socially capable should be handling the cash registers. Sometimes, I'll get a cashier who looks so sour on life that I consider whether I really want to make my purchase after all. And, sometimes, cashiers spend like ten minutes talking to each customer like they're new best friends for life. There's also the cashiers who give too much information. Like last weekend, I was at Target with my friend Johanna. As we were checking out, the cashier had to squeeze into her little booth while a customer pushed a huge cart past her. She made this huuuuge sigh, and then she said, "You know, last week, a woman with a big high cart bumped right into me, like pow. And even though she had hit something, she just kept going, over and over again, pushing the cart into me. Finally, I just - boom! - shoved the cart right back at her. What does she think, I'm a tree? I couldn't believe it. I stared her down. Nobody messes with me." Needless to say, when she gave me my crumpled up receipt, change, bills, and bags in one hand and screamed "NEXT!" in my face, I moved along.
Another thing I think cashiers have to be good about is customer fairness. If you have someone who cuts in line, it's good to have a cashier be like, "The line starts way back there, jackass," rather than just take the customer and shrug at all the losers in line behind the guy. I'll tell you, I almost feel like tipping cashiers who do that. (And what's with this trend, by the way? Since when do we have to tip on every single transaction that we're a part of? I'm going to put a tip jar on my desk at work, and every time someone comes up and asks a question, I'll assume that I should be tipped in return for my answer. Can you see how well that would go over? And yet, because someone punches in the price of my bagel, I'm supposed to put a dollar in the jar. This is atrocious. I only tip when I have a big order or a special order that takes special attention. Otherwise, I'm sorry, I'm only tipping if you're bringing me my food and taking my plate. And you know, I don't think I'm bad for this. I almost went nuts when I saw a tip jar at this place nearby, where you order, get your food, silverware, drinks, and - this is the absolute worst and everyone knows I hate this - you have to not only clear your own dish, but when you get to the clearing station, you (again) not only have to separate your silverware from your plasticware, but you have to scrape off all the food into the trashcan and only then put the plate on the dish cart. You know what? I'm not giving anybody an extra CENT for taking my order. And as I write this, I'm getting pretty steamed about the whole idea of this clearing tray/still have a tip jar place. I'm not going back.)
Oh, and one more point about all this cashier thing. Why, oh why, is it that in a huge store, like Best Buy (well, in my town, Ames was famous for this) or Stop n Shop, while they have about eighteen checkout lanes, only three - at MOST - are staffed? Can somebody please explain this to me? Who thinks this is a good business strategy?
You know, I didn't set out to write anything about cashiers, but really, it's a problem. I'll be blasted if I write that these people are morons, so I've settled on Register Rejects. I'm sure that these people can hold a job that requires some skill, but clearly, cash registers are not for them. That's all I'm saying.
And finally, here's the story I had been meaning to tell but never had the time or opportunity. And it fits in. Not only is it a display of sheer idiocy, but it shows the peril of having an unqualified and overwhelmed employee at a key station at a workplace. It's a disaster. Here's what happened to me recently:
I was recently at a store where all these overzealous staffers kept telling me that if I purchased $40 worth of products, I would get a $10 coupon. So I had about $30 worth, and the guy was like, "Here, get this, it's $9.99, and you'll get your $10." Because the extra $9.99 item was something I already wanted, I went with it. So the cashier rings up the purchases, and it comes to $39.99. At first, she denies me the $10 coupon, saying I didn't reach $40.00. So I said to her, "Look, can I give you a penny, to make it to the $40 mark, and that way, you can give me the coupon?"
"No."
"Why not?" (Seriously, doesn't my idea make sense? Of course it does. To normal, logical people.)
"Because the offer says you have to purchase $40 worth of goods." (Okay, clue #1 that this is not a normal, logical person.)
"Right, but I purchased $39.99 worth of goods, a single cent away from your mark. Plus, I was told by this guy (and I point to him, so it's not like some random dude in the store) told me that if I bought these items, I'd be all set."
"Well, he was wrong."
"Well, I'd like the coupon."
"No." (Notice, by the way, the lack of customer service. How about an "I'm sorry, I'm not authorized to do that"? I'd appreciate one of those next time. Clue #2 that this is not a normal, logical, customer-service-trained employee.)
"Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."
"I didn't give it. I don't give my name to customers." (Clue #4,5,6, n that this person is a customer service trainwreck.)
"Well, anyway, here's the logic: if I pay you $40 in cash, the register will read that I gave you $40.00, and you can keep the extra cent. Then, you can give me the coupon, and I will have paid for $40 in goods, and you will have made good on your promise to give me the coupon."
"So I give you the coupon and you give me $40?"
"Right."
"But the purchase is for $39.99."
"That's correct. But I'd rather have the company keep my change - my one cent - and then I make the technical $40 purchase, and I receive the coupon."
"So you give me $40 and I give you the coupon?" (You want to do this again?)
"Correct."
"You'd be overpaying by a cent, you know that."
"Yes, I know that." (Apparently, the cut off is at Grade 3 for mandatory educational background for this particular position.)
"Okay, if that's what you want to do. I don't understand people paying more than they have to for things, but you're the customer."
"Well, I appreciate your flexibility then [you reject]."
So I hand her the $40. I give her two $20 bills. You know what she does?
She puts the bills in her register and gives me a penny back.
Kills me. Absolutely kills me. It took me another three minutes to get her to take the penny back, and then she said that it would look bad on her register to give me the coupon. So she wanted to re-do the transaction, but she couldn't just hand me back $40 that I would then re-hand her. No, I had to return my purchases. (And yes, she actually asked me, "Do you have the receipt?" This was the funniest moment, but shockingly, when I laughed, she did not. In fact, me laughing almost messed up this entire transaction. Ha, almost. This thing had FUBAR written all over it already!) After that megilah, I had to re-buy them. I swear, if she had done this wrong, I was going to write to Congress about passing a law over who could be a cashier after all.
And you know what the end result is? If I ever go into that store again and see her as the cashier, I'm walking right out. I'm not going to buy a thing, no matter how badly I need or want it.
So I prove my point. Never underestimate the power of a good (or bad) cashier. I'm going to try to find out if they teach this concept in business school. I'll report back.
This girl at the coffee place just is out of her league. First of all, working at a coffee place is hard enough. I think anyone applying to work in a coffee establishment should have to have some experience working with soda or water or other basic drink orders. It's become like being a bartender, only worse. Every person makes their own caffeine creation and, because it's usually serving a purpose, they need it, like, stat. And, pre-coffee coffee drinkers usually aren't very nice people to deal with. So, you basically have to have your five-star employee working the front lines.
This girl is, like, half a star. Two thumbs down. I've ordered a small iced coffee for the past three mornings from her, and every single morning, she asks, "Iced?" Yeah. I even put my own milk in, so there's no additional information given... besides "small" "iced" and "coffee." Every day, I nod, and say "Iced." And then, when my boss orders the exact same drink and size by saying, "I will have the exact same thing. Same size. Small," she asks, "Small?" And every day, my boss nods and says, "Small." Then I'll hand over my card, and she'll take the card and swipe it and then I'll get two steps away, and like clockwork, she'll go, "Wait, a small iced coffee." That exact phrase. I can't even tell if it's a question or not, so I'll stand there and play a twisted version of "chicken" as I think both of us dare each other to make the next step in this game of stupidity. I always win, by the way, because after a few seconds of silence slash me looking around and making it look like she's being a total freak, she'll just wave me away and say nevermind.
All of this was more like some weird comic routine, with a mild annoyance that every single day, we had to repeat our orders. But really, it wasn't THAT bad.
Well, today, my boss complicated matters by asking for a blueberry muffin. There happened to be two blueberry muffin sizes - small and large - and she asked for a small muffin. So, of course, the girl gives her the large muffin. No big deal, understandable. So my boss hands the bag back to her and points into the tray and asks for the small muffin. The girl takes the bag back, puts back the muffin, makes a gesture towards the correct plate, and then chooses the exact same muffin she had put down and gives the bag back to my boss.
Come on now. It took two more tries to get my boss the correct muffin. This isn't rocket science. This isn't even science!
The thing is, I've run into some inept cash register operators and some master operators. There are some simple differences:
First, good cashiers keep the people moving by having a system in place for asking for orders, yelling out the orders to their workers, and getting and giving cash back. Bad cashiers are all over the place. It's like dictation, when you think about it. If someone's dictating something, do you wait until they're finished to start typing? No. As soon as I start talking, start punching. That's the rule of thumb, I think.
Also, what's with cashiers thinking about the correct change? There's a little screen that flashes it for everyone to see. Why do they have to stand there like they're solving a huge math equation, only to look down and see the total? I never get this. I'm not going to think more of anybody because they figure out the change I need by taking five minutes to do the quadratic equation.
And, in an unfortunate situation, it's bad to see cashiers struggle with how to give the correct change. I mean, if someone's owed 38 cents, let's say, it shouldn't be that difficult to dole out a quarter, dime, and three pennies. Still, I can understand that people might draw a blank or, they might just not be up on the whole currency math thing. This is where Qdoba wins my vote for best place, possibly ever. I had never been to this fast-foodish Mexican restaurant until we had a meeting there Wednesday night. Let me tell you, the place is amazing, if only because of how they give change to customers. I was waiting for my 75 cents back, when the woman pointed to this little container in front of me and told me the change was there. They have an actual chute that dispenses the correct change. She handed back the bills, and the coins were waiting for me in this little bowl. Totally amazing. Every business owner should invest in this.
Because here's the other thing that this little gizmo takes care of: the annoying cashier who gives back a handful of coins and bills and receipts all in one big handful, plus the bag/food, and then yells, "NEXT!" in your face. I really hate this. Sometimes, if it's not too big a line, I'll stand there for just an extra second getting myself all set before moving on, just because I think it's pretty rude to yell in a customer's face. Call me crazy, but I don't like it. So anyway, I really have found that I appreciate when a person gives me my dollar bills, waits half a second, then gives me the change, then the receipt. The world would be a happier place if everyone understood this.
Which brings me back my original point, that only the best and brightest and most socially capable should be handling the cash registers. Sometimes, I'll get a cashier who looks so sour on life that I consider whether I really want to make my purchase after all. And, sometimes, cashiers spend like ten minutes talking to each customer like they're new best friends for life. There's also the cashiers who give too much information. Like last weekend, I was at Target with my friend Johanna. As we were checking out, the cashier had to squeeze into her little booth while a customer pushed a huge cart past her. She made this huuuuge sigh, and then she said, "You know, last week, a woman with a big high cart bumped right into me, like pow. And even though she had hit something, she just kept going, over and over again, pushing the cart into me. Finally, I just - boom! - shoved the cart right back at her. What does she think, I'm a tree? I couldn't believe it. I stared her down. Nobody messes with me." Needless to say, when she gave me my crumpled up receipt, change, bills, and bags in one hand and screamed "NEXT!" in my face, I moved along.
Another thing I think cashiers have to be good about is customer fairness. If you have someone who cuts in line, it's good to have a cashier be like, "The line starts way back there, jackass," rather than just take the customer and shrug at all the losers in line behind the guy. I'll tell you, I almost feel like tipping cashiers who do that. (And what's with this trend, by the way? Since when do we have to tip on every single transaction that we're a part of? I'm going to put a tip jar on my desk at work, and every time someone comes up and asks a question, I'll assume that I should be tipped in return for my answer. Can you see how well that would go over? And yet, because someone punches in the price of my bagel, I'm supposed to put a dollar in the jar. This is atrocious. I only tip when I have a big order or a special order that takes special attention. Otherwise, I'm sorry, I'm only tipping if you're bringing me my food and taking my plate. And you know, I don't think I'm bad for this. I almost went nuts when I saw a tip jar at this place nearby, where you order, get your food, silverware, drinks, and - this is the absolute worst and everyone knows I hate this - you have to not only clear your own dish, but when you get to the clearing station, you (again) not only have to separate your silverware from your plasticware, but you have to scrape off all the food into the trashcan and only then put the plate on the dish cart. You know what? I'm not giving anybody an extra CENT for taking my order. And as I write this, I'm getting pretty steamed about the whole idea of this clearing tray/still have a tip jar place. I'm not going back.)
Oh, and one more point about all this cashier thing. Why, oh why, is it that in a huge store, like Best Buy (well, in my town, Ames was famous for this) or Stop n Shop, while they have about eighteen checkout lanes, only three - at MOST - are staffed? Can somebody please explain this to me? Who thinks this is a good business strategy?
You know, I didn't set out to write anything about cashiers, but really, it's a problem. I'll be blasted if I write that these people are morons, so I've settled on Register Rejects. I'm sure that these people can hold a job that requires some skill, but clearly, cash registers are not for them. That's all I'm saying.
And finally, here's the story I had been meaning to tell but never had the time or opportunity. And it fits in. Not only is it a display of sheer idiocy, but it shows the peril of having an unqualified and overwhelmed employee at a key station at a workplace. It's a disaster. Here's what happened to me recently:
I was recently at a store where all these overzealous staffers kept telling me that if I purchased $40 worth of products, I would get a $10 coupon. So I had about $30 worth, and the guy was like, "Here, get this, it's $9.99, and you'll get your $10." Because the extra $9.99 item was something I already wanted, I went with it. So the cashier rings up the purchases, and it comes to $39.99. At first, she denies me the $10 coupon, saying I didn't reach $40.00. So I said to her, "Look, can I give you a penny, to make it to the $40 mark, and that way, you can give me the coupon?"
"No."
"Why not?" (Seriously, doesn't my idea make sense? Of course it does. To normal, logical people.)
"Because the offer says you have to purchase $40 worth of goods." (Okay, clue #1 that this is not a normal, logical person.)
"Right, but I purchased $39.99 worth of goods, a single cent away from your mark. Plus, I was told by this guy (and I point to him, so it's not like some random dude in the store) told me that if I bought these items, I'd be all set."
"Well, he was wrong."
"Well, I'd like the coupon."
"No." (Notice, by the way, the lack of customer service. How about an "I'm sorry, I'm not authorized to do that"? I'd appreciate one of those next time. Clue #2 that this is not a normal, logical, customer-service-trained employee.)
"Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."
"I didn't give it. I don't give my name to customers." (Clue #4,5,6, n that this person is a customer service trainwreck.)
"Well, anyway, here's the logic: if I pay you $40 in cash, the register will read that I gave you $40.00, and you can keep the extra cent. Then, you can give me the coupon, and I will have paid for $40 in goods, and you will have made good on your promise to give me the coupon."
"So I give you the coupon and you give me $40?"
"Right."
"But the purchase is for $39.99."
"That's correct. But I'd rather have the company keep my change - my one cent - and then I make the technical $40 purchase, and I receive the coupon."
"So you give me $40 and I give you the coupon?" (You want to do this again?)
"Correct."
"You'd be overpaying by a cent, you know that."
"Yes, I know that." (Apparently, the cut off is at Grade 3 for mandatory educational background for this particular position.)
"Okay, if that's what you want to do. I don't understand people paying more than they have to for things, but you're the customer."
"Well, I appreciate your flexibility then [you reject]."
So I hand her the $40. I give her two $20 bills. You know what she does?
She puts the bills in her register and gives me a penny back.
Kills me. Absolutely kills me. It took me another three minutes to get her to take the penny back, and then she said that it would look bad on her register to give me the coupon. So she wanted to re-do the transaction, but she couldn't just hand me back $40 that I would then re-hand her. No, I had to return my purchases. (And yes, she actually asked me, "Do you have the receipt?" This was the funniest moment, but shockingly, when I laughed, she did not. In fact, me laughing almost messed up this entire transaction. Ha, almost. This thing had FUBAR written all over it already!) After that megilah, I had to re-buy them. I swear, if she had done this wrong, I was going to write to Congress about passing a law over who could be a cashier after all.
And you know what the end result is? If I ever go into that store again and see her as the cashier, I'm walking right out. I'm not going to buy a thing, no matter how badly I need or want it.
So I prove my point. Never underestimate the power of a good (or bad) cashier. I'm going to try to find out if they teach this concept in business school. I'll report back.
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