I'm a Starfuck :(
This week I had to come to terms with a few facts: first, that I am either a hypocrite or I have completely changed; and second, that I am either physically or psychologically addicted to coffee. It's been a little stressful, and I'm under strict orders not to stress out (which is sort of like when someone tells you to smile and you want to punch them in the face instead).
Also as a side note, I just severely burned my tongue - not on coffee - and it is driving me insane. Some people hate chapped lips and say that's the most annoying pain. I think it's a burned tongue. If I could go back fifteen minutes, I'd have some freakin patience and I would be happier. I don't know why I'm including this, except that at some level, I think it's important that it's known that while I am trying to reconcile my newly ingrained coffee habit, I'm also coping with a 2nd degree burn (I don't even know the order of severity in burns, so middle of the road seems pretty safe. Good GOD this is painful.)
Anyway, when I was little, my sister used to be the coffee drinker. We'd go out to breakfast and at age 8, she'd order coffee. She liked the taste. Not me. I cringed when my dad had me taste coffee for some reason. I never drank coffee in high school or in college, so the whole Starbucks phenomenon was lost on me. So was the idea of downing Red Bull or other caffeine drinks. In fact, I get a little scared about drinking Red Bull. I just picture my heart beating out of control and me having one of those Jessie Spano-induced panic attacks where I pass out and then someone reads my bio and sees that I was drinking twenty-seven Red Bulls so that I could finish a term paper on educational policy, and that would just be pathetic. So I stayed away. I also stayed away from diet pills for the same reason. I'm a real drug wimp. Not that that's a bad thing.
So I wasn't into coffee and I wasn't into caffeine. I also specifically was not into Starbucks because I felt like people who frequented Starbucks were really lame. They bought $5 coffee drinks that had more calories than most steak dinners, and they just seemed very pretentious to be ordering things in "tall" and "venti" sizes. I had real disdain for Starbucks drinkers and up until even about a year ago, I named them Starfucks and stuck to it.
My journey into hypocrisy began when I started teaching. It started slowly because at first it was like one random day when I thought hmm, I think I would like an iced coffee on my way to work. At that time, I went to the Dunkin Donuts that was at the end of my street. Pretty soon, I was there every single day. I'd drink iced coffee, and I thought it was just a fun way to start my morning when it was still dark out. I drank iced coffee in the dead of winter just as easily as in the heat of summer. In fact, I had a friend who would drink hot coffee even if it was 100 degrees out. I thought she was nuts. But there I was, lugging around my iced coffee wearing two layers of gloves.
I don't know when it became an addiction, but I do remember one summer day when I was at my other job, I hadn't had any coffee and I felt really like I was in a daze and everything around me was sort of happening, but in a real fuzzy focus. Someone mentioned that if I hadn't had my coffee, it was probably that. It was already noon. I didn't feel tired. But I felt like I wasn't fully awake, either. And then my friend offered to bring me an iced coffee, and it was like I was finally starting my day. It was at that moment, when I probably ran over a few young children to get to my salvation, that I realized I was addicted. I downed that large iced coffee so fast and felt better so immediately that I doubt it's a physical difference, but more of a mental one. So I'm thinking I'm psychologically addicted. Strongly.
So, I accepted this and from that moment on, I've rarely started my day without a small black coffee. Every morning, I'd stop at Dunkin Donuts on my way to work, and it would make me happy. I could accept that I drank coffee, but at least I wasn't a Starfuck.
And then, I became a hypocrite - but it wasn't really my fault. One morning in October, I found out that my Dunkin Donuts, where my friend Fatima gave me coffee every morning and knew my order without me having to say anything (key at 6 AM), was closing. That day.
I had no choice. If I wanted to continue to drink coffee - not really an option - I would have to go to... Starbucks. And so I did. At first I was pretty upset about it, and I pretended I didn't like it. I didn't really make conversation with the "barista" - Fatima might not be called a barista, but she made a pretty good coffee every day for me and deserved my loyalty - but over the year, I realized that the people behind the counter were pretty nice. They got to know my order (umm, tall black coffee, not that hard. And yes, I give into the tall/grande/venti thing. Full disclosure. I give up) and they would make a little bit of small talk that was friendly but not overbearing. I started to actually enjoy going there in the morning.
A few people pointed out this change to me, suggesting that I might be into Starbucks after all. I rejected this and them, saying if Dunkin Donuts was equally convenient, I'd go there instead.
That was then.
That was before my Starbucks- yes, my - closed for renovations for ten days. I decided I'd have to go to the Dunkin Donuts that I thought was kind of out of my way. I'd have to take the extra five minutes, because as I said, living without my coffee isn't an option. So I went to Dunkin, and I realized something on day one: it isn't that out of the way. And then I realized something else: it's not the distance that's keeping me from drinking Dunkin Donuts. It's not even the horrendous ad campaigns they have. It's the coffee.
I like Starbucks better. I don't like their tall/grande/venti stuff; I don't drink their fancy drinks; I don't like the word barista; I don't really like their decor. But I like their coffee.
There, I said it. And even worse, the fact that I am looking forward to returning to my Starbucks tomorrow morning, makes me have to admit the sad, awful truth: I'm a Starfuck.
So be it.
Also as a side note, I just severely burned my tongue - not on coffee - and it is driving me insane. Some people hate chapped lips and say that's the most annoying pain. I think it's a burned tongue. If I could go back fifteen minutes, I'd have some freakin patience and I would be happier. I don't know why I'm including this, except that at some level, I think it's important that it's known that while I am trying to reconcile my newly ingrained coffee habit, I'm also coping with a 2nd degree burn (I don't even know the order of severity in burns, so middle of the road seems pretty safe. Good GOD this is painful.)
Anyway, when I was little, my sister used to be the coffee drinker. We'd go out to breakfast and at age 8, she'd order coffee. She liked the taste. Not me. I cringed when my dad had me taste coffee for some reason. I never drank coffee in high school or in college, so the whole Starbucks phenomenon was lost on me. So was the idea of downing Red Bull or other caffeine drinks. In fact, I get a little scared about drinking Red Bull. I just picture my heart beating out of control and me having one of those Jessie Spano-induced panic attacks where I pass out and then someone reads my bio and sees that I was drinking twenty-seven Red Bulls so that I could finish a term paper on educational policy, and that would just be pathetic. So I stayed away. I also stayed away from diet pills for the same reason. I'm a real drug wimp. Not that that's a bad thing.
So I wasn't into coffee and I wasn't into caffeine. I also specifically was not into Starbucks because I felt like people who frequented Starbucks were really lame. They bought $5 coffee drinks that had more calories than most steak dinners, and they just seemed very pretentious to be ordering things in "tall" and "venti" sizes. I had real disdain for Starbucks drinkers and up until even about a year ago, I named them Starfucks and stuck to it.
My journey into hypocrisy began when I started teaching. It started slowly because at first it was like one random day when I thought hmm, I think I would like an iced coffee on my way to work. At that time, I went to the Dunkin Donuts that was at the end of my street. Pretty soon, I was there every single day. I'd drink iced coffee, and I thought it was just a fun way to start my morning when it was still dark out. I drank iced coffee in the dead of winter just as easily as in the heat of summer. In fact, I had a friend who would drink hot coffee even if it was 100 degrees out. I thought she was nuts. But there I was, lugging around my iced coffee wearing two layers of gloves.
I don't know when it became an addiction, but I do remember one summer day when I was at my other job, I hadn't had any coffee and I felt really like I was in a daze and everything around me was sort of happening, but in a real fuzzy focus. Someone mentioned that if I hadn't had my coffee, it was probably that. It was already noon. I didn't feel tired. But I felt like I wasn't fully awake, either. And then my friend offered to bring me an iced coffee, and it was like I was finally starting my day. It was at that moment, when I probably ran over a few young children to get to my salvation, that I realized I was addicted. I downed that large iced coffee so fast and felt better so immediately that I doubt it's a physical difference, but more of a mental one. So I'm thinking I'm psychologically addicted. Strongly.
So, I accepted this and from that moment on, I've rarely started my day without a small black coffee. Every morning, I'd stop at Dunkin Donuts on my way to work, and it would make me happy. I could accept that I drank coffee, but at least I wasn't a Starfuck.
And then, I became a hypocrite - but it wasn't really my fault. One morning in October, I found out that my Dunkin Donuts, where my friend Fatima gave me coffee every morning and knew my order without me having to say anything (key at 6 AM), was closing. That day.
I had no choice. If I wanted to continue to drink coffee - not really an option - I would have to go to... Starbucks. And so I did. At first I was pretty upset about it, and I pretended I didn't like it. I didn't really make conversation with the "barista" - Fatima might not be called a barista, but she made a pretty good coffee every day for me and deserved my loyalty - but over the year, I realized that the people behind the counter were pretty nice. They got to know my order (umm, tall black coffee, not that hard. And yes, I give into the tall/grande/venti thing. Full disclosure. I give up) and they would make a little bit of small talk that was friendly but not overbearing. I started to actually enjoy going there in the morning.
A few people pointed out this change to me, suggesting that I might be into Starbucks after all. I rejected this and them, saying if Dunkin Donuts was equally convenient, I'd go there instead.
That was then.
That was before my Starbucks- yes, my - closed for renovations for ten days. I decided I'd have to go to the Dunkin Donuts that I thought was kind of out of my way. I'd have to take the extra five minutes, because as I said, living without my coffee isn't an option. So I went to Dunkin, and I realized something on day one: it isn't that out of the way. And then I realized something else: it's not the distance that's keeping me from drinking Dunkin Donuts. It's not even the horrendous ad campaigns they have. It's the coffee.
I like Starbucks better. I don't like their tall/grande/venti stuff; I don't drink their fancy drinks; I don't like the word barista; I don't really like their decor. But I like their coffee.
There, I said it. And even worse, the fact that I am looking forward to returning to my Starbucks tomorrow morning, makes me have to admit the sad, awful truth: I'm a Starfuck.
So be it.
