Update-ish
I'm in Connecticut right now, watching a syndicated episode of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." This is sad on many accounts: one, because I'm watching a game show that reached its peak about two years ago; two, because I'm enjoying it; three, because all the ads during the commercials are for old-people or people on disability who have no jobs and need to call for the services of sketchy lawyers; and four, because I answered "yes" outloud when I saw the show title (not out of excitement, but as though I was answering the question about whether I wanted to be a millionaire).
What's scarier (and scarier is past more pathetic) is that recently, I've been watching TV game shows thinking about how much money I could make if I applied and went on them. I have to stop myself from seriously considering trying to earn my next year's income from being a game show contestant. The Price is Right was even eliminated because I don't want to win prizes; I just want cash. I thought about Wheel of Fortune, because that's my (not-so) secret talent, but then this week, I settled on the "Deal...or No Deal" show. "Deal or No Deal" is great because you are guaranteed to win at least $1.00, but you're really guaranteed to walk away with at least about $10,000 if you're not greedy or stupid. If my goal was to get $10,000, I could go on that show and win. It's when I have these thoughts that I have to consciously tell myself to stop, for two main reasons: first, because taxes will take about half of my winnings (don't even get me started on taxes), and also, because I cannot have any respect for myself if I pursue game show contestant applications while my friends work on their resumes. It's just not open for discussion.
Anyway, I haven't updated in a while. So ther's a lot to catch up on. A list:
- Last week, I had a major case of the Grumps. For the record, I had written an entry but I never posted it because I forgot. I wrote it on Monday, after watching Oprah, where I saw that Jimmy Choo's founder, a billionaire, was being called an "inspiration" for getting through her drug addiction and founding this billion dollar company. That was the final straw for me on a day where I had woken up after a night with no water or heat, got dirt on my newly-washed khakis, realized my light in my room was broken, slammed my finger in a drawer, broke a favorite necklace, saw a silverfish, and realized that even if the apartment we had wanted had been available, I'd have to pay for it. (I know the last part might seem obvious, but when you see the actual apartment and the actual numbers, it's still scary.) So seeing all of this, and then seeing that some loser is an inspiration because she battled a cocaine addiction wasn't what I wanted to see. And it's not that I think I'm an inspiration for dealing with no water, heat, a silverfish, and an apartment downpayment, but it's that I don't think it's fair that I go around trying to deal with all of the above, plus find a job, and someone else gets to have a cocaine addiction and a billion dollars. No matter how many times I think about it, I don't think it's fair. I'm writing up resumes,she's going through rehab. I'll hopefully get a job to just pay my bills, and she'll get a billion dollar shoe empire. And she'll be called an inspiration on Oprah. Oprah's a moron.
- I was watching "The Upside of Anger" the other night. I think it's a pretty good movie, but that's not the point. In one scene, the daughter yells, "Fuck you" at her mother, and her mother looks like she's going to either kill her daughter or kill herself. It got me thinking about swearing. Obviously, saying "fuck you" to a parent won't get you very far, but in general, I think that swearing has become sort of accepted, and nobody's as affected as they once were by swears. So yesterday, I asked my sister and brother about this. They are the ultimate authority on this stuff for me, because we have a long history of laughing at people who think they're being really offensive or offended when we think they're being ridiculous. Some hall-of-fame moments include Simon on 7th Heaven freaking out because his mother yelled at his father/her husband, "Talk to your son!" thus apparently renouncing Simon as her own and Ramona Quimby crying to her mother that her sister Beezus called her "stupid." These two always stuck us as hilarious, because Simon was a moron and in our house, if you were called stupid, you pretty much laughed/ignored the person and went on with your day. You didn't stop for a second to consider the implications of being called "stupid" or of your mother telling your father to deal with his daughter or son. But this "fuck you" business was another story. I mean, you couldn't imagine Stephanie Tanner saying "fuck you." And even at her worst, Mary Camden wasn't saying "fuck you" to her parents. So this was a bigger thing.
So my sister, brother and I discussed it for a few minutes and agreed that saying "fuck you" to a person really wasn't guaranteed to get the intended reaction of outrage and anger. We thought for a few minutes about possible replacements, until my brother (were there any doubts that this was a challenge he could handle?) said, " 'Burn in hell' usually gets people."
Nicely done.
- Is there a better weekday afternoon movie than "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"?
- I just realized that my afternoon has consisted of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" followed by "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead." Either this is a horribly pathetic example of why all functional people get jobs, or I've discovered why it takes people so long to call that Trantolo & Trantolo/Salamone & Morelli lawyers to get back on their feet.
- A few months ago, in early November, I got my right index finger slammed in a door. The whole thing was black and blue for about four months. It looked like my finger was growing mold, but it wasn't. Finally, on Wednesday, the rest of the black and blue disappeared,and my finger is back to normal. If you look really closely, you can see a few dots of an outline, where it used to be. But pretty much, it was completely better. That is, until Thursday night, when I got a huge paper cut right on the edge of my nail and it ripped through and now I have a mess on my right index finger. It looked normal for less than twenty-four hours! I was so angry. Plus, it's wicked painful. The whole combination is just a nightmare.
Asan interesting sidenote, karma kicked me in the ass this week. My boss got a papercut and I was laughing at his adamance about getting a bandaid and some stuff to clean the cut. Then, I saw the cut and realized the guy knew what he was talking about - it was pretty monstrous. But I didn't really say I was sorry at all. Well, later that night, I got a paper cut of my own. And then a day later, this index finger shenanigan. I'm never making fun of any time he gets injured, ever again.
I say that now, of course, but if you ask my friends, I have a horrible history of laughing at people who get hurt. A few years ago, I slipped and fell on some ice, and my knee got pretty banged up, so I walked with a slight (SLIGHT!) limp for a couple of days. I got absoultely no sympathy, but what really killed me, is that more than one person had this exact reaction: "I'm not going to feel bad for you, because when I hurt my leg, you called me Gimp!" Whoops. But this time, I'm really going to try.
- One of the best scenes in the entire "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" movie: when Christina Applegate comes home three hours late and Kenny reams her out over not calling first, ruining his dinner he planned. He talks about how he's underappreciated, basically doing the whole "wife at home" rant. She apologizes, but in the end, Kenny just lashes out and yells, "Eat shit!" in her face. It's quite an ending.
What's scarier (and scarier is past more pathetic) is that recently, I've been watching TV game shows thinking about how much money I could make if I applied and went on them. I have to stop myself from seriously considering trying to earn my next year's income from being a game show contestant. The Price is Right was even eliminated because I don't want to win prizes; I just want cash. I thought about Wheel of Fortune, because that's my (not-so) secret talent, but then this week, I settled on the "Deal...or No Deal" show. "Deal or No Deal" is great because you are guaranteed to win at least $1.00, but you're really guaranteed to walk away with at least about $10,000 if you're not greedy or stupid. If my goal was to get $10,000, I could go on that show and win. It's when I have these thoughts that I have to consciously tell myself to stop, for two main reasons: first, because taxes will take about half of my winnings (don't even get me started on taxes), and also, because I cannot have any respect for myself if I pursue game show contestant applications while my friends work on their resumes. It's just not open for discussion.
Anyway, I haven't updated in a while. So ther's a lot to catch up on. A list:
- Last week, I had a major case of the Grumps. For the record, I had written an entry but I never posted it because I forgot. I wrote it on Monday, after watching Oprah, where I saw that Jimmy Choo's founder, a billionaire, was being called an "inspiration" for getting through her drug addiction and founding this billion dollar company. That was the final straw for me on a day where I had woken up after a night with no water or heat, got dirt on my newly-washed khakis, realized my light in my room was broken, slammed my finger in a drawer, broke a favorite necklace, saw a silverfish, and realized that even if the apartment we had wanted had been available, I'd have to pay for it. (I know the last part might seem obvious, but when you see the actual apartment and the actual numbers, it's still scary.) So seeing all of this, and then seeing that some loser is an inspiration because she battled a cocaine addiction wasn't what I wanted to see. And it's not that I think I'm an inspiration for dealing with no water, heat, a silverfish, and an apartment downpayment, but it's that I don't think it's fair that I go around trying to deal with all of the above, plus find a job, and someone else gets to have a cocaine addiction and a billion dollars. No matter how many times I think about it, I don't think it's fair. I'm writing up resumes,she's going through rehab. I'll hopefully get a job to just pay my bills, and she'll get a billion dollar shoe empire. And she'll be called an inspiration on Oprah. Oprah's a moron.
- I was watching "The Upside of Anger" the other night. I think it's a pretty good movie, but that's not the point. In one scene, the daughter yells, "Fuck you" at her mother, and her mother looks like she's going to either kill her daughter or kill herself. It got me thinking about swearing. Obviously, saying "fuck you" to a parent won't get you very far, but in general, I think that swearing has become sort of accepted, and nobody's as affected as they once were by swears. So yesterday, I asked my sister and brother about this. They are the ultimate authority on this stuff for me, because we have a long history of laughing at people who think they're being really offensive or offended when we think they're being ridiculous. Some hall-of-fame moments include Simon on 7th Heaven freaking out because his mother yelled at his father/her husband, "Talk to your son!" thus apparently renouncing Simon as her own and Ramona Quimby crying to her mother that her sister Beezus called her "stupid." These two always stuck us as hilarious, because Simon was a moron and in our house, if you were called stupid, you pretty much laughed/ignored the person and went on with your day. You didn't stop for a second to consider the implications of being called "stupid" or of your mother telling your father to deal with his daughter or son. But this "fuck you" business was another story. I mean, you couldn't imagine Stephanie Tanner saying "fuck you." And even at her worst, Mary Camden wasn't saying "fuck you" to her parents. So this was a bigger thing.
So my sister, brother and I discussed it for a few minutes and agreed that saying "fuck you" to a person really wasn't guaranteed to get the intended reaction of outrage and anger. We thought for a few minutes about possible replacements, until my brother (were there any doubts that this was a challenge he could handle?) said, " 'Burn in hell' usually gets people."
Nicely done.
- Is there a better weekday afternoon movie than "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"?
- I just realized that my afternoon has consisted of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" followed by "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead." Either this is a horribly pathetic example of why all functional people get jobs, or I've discovered why it takes people so long to call that Trantolo & Trantolo/Salamone & Morelli lawyers to get back on their feet.
- A few months ago, in early November, I got my right index finger slammed in a door. The whole thing was black and blue for about four months. It looked like my finger was growing mold, but it wasn't. Finally, on Wednesday, the rest of the black and blue disappeared,and my finger is back to normal. If you look really closely, you can see a few dots of an outline, where it used to be. But pretty much, it was completely better. That is, until Thursday night, when I got a huge paper cut right on the edge of my nail and it ripped through and now I have a mess on my right index finger. It looked normal for less than twenty-four hours! I was so angry. Plus, it's wicked painful. The whole combination is just a nightmare.
Asan interesting sidenote, karma kicked me in the ass this week. My boss got a papercut and I was laughing at his adamance about getting a bandaid and some stuff to clean the cut. Then, I saw the cut and realized the guy knew what he was talking about - it was pretty monstrous. But I didn't really say I was sorry at all. Well, later that night, I got a paper cut of my own. And then a day later, this index finger shenanigan. I'm never making fun of any time he gets injured, ever again.
I say that now, of course, but if you ask my friends, I have a horrible history of laughing at people who get hurt. A few years ago, I slipped and fell on some ice, and my knee got pretty banged up, so I walked with a slight (SLIGHT!) limp for a couple of days. I got absoultely no sympathy, but what really killed me, is that more than one person had this exact reaction: "I'm not going to feel bad for you, because when I hurt my leg, you called me Gimp!" Whoops. But this time, I'm really going to try.
- One of the best scenes in the entire "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" movie: when Christina Applegate comes home three hours late and Kenny reams her out over not calling first, ruining his dinner he planned. He talks about how he's underappreciated, basically doing the whole "wife at home" rant. She apologizes, but in the end, Kenny just lashes out and yells, "Eat shit!" in her face. It's quite an ending.
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