CVS Morons
A few weeks ago, I decided to be a nice person. I decided to buy some Halloween candy for my kids at school and bring it in, doing the whole plastic pumpkin on a Friday deal. A Sunday circular (yes, I'm old, I read those now) had drawn my attention to the fact that CVS was having a special - buy 2 for 1 - of Halloween candy between October 15-21. I went on October 19th. I put in ten bags of candy, the good stuff, the stuff that was advertised as 2 for 1. I went to the cash register and this is what happened.
"Aren't those two for one?" I asked the woman, January, behind the counter.
Shrug.
"Well, umm, they are."
Shrug.
"No, really, you even have a sign up right over there. Here's my CVS care card. Two. For one."
"You got your CVS care card?"
"Umm, yes." (Didn't I just say this?) I hand her the card.
She swipes it. Still no discount goes through.
"Must not be two for one." She actually says, "twofahne," like it's all one word.
"It says it is, right on the crate with the candy."
"Well, it's not coming up on the register."
"Fair enough, but it says it right on the crates of candy, so that's what should be honored at the register. It only makes sense." You'd think that saying "It only makes sense" would get January here thinking that it WOULD only make sense, but then again, this is a woman named January. Not sure how much sense January can make in October.
Apparently, she couldn't make much. "Look. I have to do what the register says."
"And you also have to do what your stores advertise. Your store. Advertises. Two. FOR ONE. It's like ten feet away from where you're standing."
"I can't leave my register."
"I'm getting the two for one deal."
"The register's ringing them all up, I'm not sure what's wrong."
"Well, that's not really my fault, is it?" This sounds like I was really sarcastic, but I swear, it was absolutely sincere. The truth was, I wasn't sure whether January knew that this wasn't my fault.
"It's not my fault, either." Huh.
"Well, I know that, but I also know you have the ability to give me the two for one deal, or to at least get someone who can."
"Nina doesn't like to come out to help customers," was her reply to this.
"Who's Nina?"
"The manager."
Oh, nice. The MANAGER of CVS doesn't like to come out for customers. What does she come out for, just Halloween? (Well, actually, apparently not. Humbug.)
I insisted that we get Nina. This aggravated January because January felt that I shouldn't make a big deal about only a few bucks (Umm, about 15, but whatever, January.) and felt that I was not being courteous to the customers behind me who were waiting to ring up their purchases. When I suggested that I could move to the side while waiting for Nina, so that January could continue to ring up said customers, January got upset and said that I shouldn't do that because that was not taking into account that she would have to void out the entries already, which looks "funny" and makes Nina "question" her. She was further unimpressed when I suggested that the other employee I saw, a young man sitting reading "Star" magazine, could take a turn behind the register to pitch in. "Eduardo doesn't like the register."
January was quite the helpful CVS employee. If I were CVS management, I'd be proud of January. She'd win employee of the month for me.
Right after Nina, that is.
Nina barreled out from the back room, looking like she had been involved in some life-altering task and had been asked to come kill a mosquito. She was, to say the least, unhappy to be disturbed. I saw that she still had crumbs on the chest of her sweater. She didn't bother swatting them away, and when a few fell out of her mouth (she was still chewing when she started telling me that she'd been on an important phone call and I'd better be important), she still didn't bother to brush them out of her hair. Nina was lovely. Nina didn't understand what the fuss was about.
"You want two for one deal?"
"Yes."
"Are we doing that now?"
"Yes." (Would I make this up? Do people try that? Does it work?)
"It didn't ring up two for one?"
"No."
"Huh. January, what's it ring in as?"
"Regular."
"Regular?"
"Regular."
"So it doesn't come up two for one?"
(Wow, some real deep conversations happen at CVS.)
"Nope."
"But it says two for one?"
January pointed accusingly at me. "She says."
"Maybe you could check," I suggested, for the tenth time. "Maybe you could walk over there, see that it says two for one, and you'll see it says it right on the crate with the candy."
"Can't do that," Nina said.
"You can't check a price in the store? That's impossible!" I mean, really, it seemed totally impossible.
"January can't leave her register. To have someone do a price check, she has to make sure it's authorized. I authorize it. In extreme circumstances. I'm busy, I've got a lot to do." (The CVS, by the way, is one of the smallest ones I've seen. I'd like this woman to see if she can hold her own in, say, the Copley CVS that has TWO floors. I'd put my money on... no.)
"So, now that she has you here, can you do the price check?"
This seemed to be the highest of insults becaus she huffed and puffed and almost blew the counter down. "I do NOT do price checks. The MANAGER does not do price checks."
"Oh, sorry," I said, more shocked than truly sorry. "So what's the next step?" I wasn't sure there was one.
"Hold on," said Nina. She went behind the counter, next to January, and said, without touching anything or doing anything that she couldn't have done on the other side of the counter, "Page Eduardo."
This struck me as hilarious because Eduardo was about three inches away and clearly heard Nina and January. But the charade continued.
"Price check. Eduardo to the front counter. Price check. Eduardo to the front counter. Price check."
And so Eduardo came to the front counter.
And he checked, and it became clear that I had been telling the truth all along.
I got my two for one deal. And for $15, I got an education in the morons who run CVS.
"Aren't those two for one?" I asked the woman, January, behind the counter.
Shrug.
"Well, umm, they are."
Shrug.
"No, really, you even have a sign up right over there. Here's my CVS care card. Two. For one."
"You got your CVS care card?"
"Umm, yes." (Didn't I just say this?) I hand her the card.
She swipes it. Still no discount goes through.
"Must not be two for one." She actually says, "twofahne," like it's all one word.
"It says it is, right on the crate with the candy."
"Well, it's not coming up on the register."
"Fair enough, but it says it right on the crates of candy, so that's what should be honored at the register. It only makes sense." You'd think that saying "It only makes sense" would get January here thinking that it WOULD only make sense, but then again, this is a woman named January. Not sure how much sense January can make in October.
Apparently, she couldn't make much. "Look. I have to do what the register says."
"And you also have to do what your stores advertise. Your store. Advertises. Two. FOR ONE. It's like ten feet away from where you're standing."
"I can't leave my register."
"I'm getting the two for one deal."
"The register's ringing them all up, I'm not sure what's wrong."
"Well, that's not really my fault, is it?" This sounds like I was really sarcastic, but I swear, it was absolutely sincere. The truth was, I wasn't sure whether January knew that this wasn't my fault.
"It's not my fault, either." Huh.
"Well, I know that, but I also know you have the ability to give me the two for one deal, or to at least get someone who can."
"Nina doesn't like to come out to help customers," was her reply to this.
"Who's Nina?"
"The manager."
Oh, nice. The MANAGER of CVS doesn't like to come out for customers. What does she come out for, just Halloween? (Well, actually, apparently not. Humbug.)
I insisted that we get Nina. This aggravated January because January felt that I shouldn't make a big deal about only a few bucks (Umm, about 15, but whatever, January.) and felt that I was not being courteous to the customers behind me who were waiting to ring up their purchases. When I suggested that I could move to the side while waiting for Nina, so that January could continue to ring up said customers, January got upset and said that I shouldn't do that because that was not taking into account that she would have to void out the entries already, which looks "funny" and makes Nina "question" her. She was further unimpressed when I suggested that the other employee I saw, a young man sitting reading "Star" magazine, could take a turn behind the register to pitch in. "Eduardo doesn't like the register."
January was quite the helpful CVS employee. If I were CVS management, I'd be proud of January. She'd win employee of the month for me.
Right after Nina, that is.
Nina barreled out from the back room, looking like she had been involved in some life-altering task and had been asked to come kill a mosquito. She was, to say the least, unhappy to be disturbed. I saw that she still had crumbs on the chest of her sweater. She didn't bother swatting them away, and when a few fell out of her mouth (she was still chewing when she started telling me that she'd been on an important phone call and I'd better be important), she still didn't bother to brush them out of her hair. Nina was lovely. Nina didn't understand what the fuss was about.
"You want two for one deal?"
"Yes."
"Are we doing that now?"
"Yes." (Would I make this up? Do people try that? Does it work?)
"It didn't ring up two for one?"
"No."
"Huh. January, what's it ring in as?"
"Regular."
"Regular?"
"Regular."
"So it doesn't come up two for one?"
(Wow, some real deep conversations happen at CVS.)
"Nope."
"But it says two for one?"
January pointed accusingly at me. "She says."
"Maybe you could check," I suggested, for the tenth time. "Maybe you could walk over there, see that it says two for one, and you'll see it says it right on the crate with the candy."
"Can't do that," Nina said.
"You can't check a price in the store? That's impossible!" I mean, really, it seemed totally impossible.
"January can't leave her register. To have someone do a price check, she has to make sure it's authorized. I authorize it. In extreme circumstances. I'm busy, I've got a lot to do." (The CVS, by the way, is one of the smallest ones I've seen. I'd like this woman to see if she can hold her own in, say, the Copley CVS that has TWO floors. I'd put my money on... no.)
"So, now that she has you here, can you do the price check?"
This seemed to be the highest of insults becaus she huffed and puffed and almost blew the counter down. "I do NOT do price checks. The MANAGER does not do price checks."
"Oh, sorry," I said, more shocked than truly sorry. "So what's the next step?" I wasn't sure there was one.
"Hold on," said Nina. She went behind the counter, next to January, and said, without touching anything or doing anything that she couldn't have done on the other side of the counter, "Page Eduardo."
This struck me as hilarious because Eduardo was about three inches away and clearly heard Nina and January. But the charade continued.
"Price check. Eduardo to the front counter. Price check. Eduardo to the front counter. Price check."
And so Eduardo came to the front counter.
And he checked, and it became clear that I had been telling the truth all along.
I got my two for one deal. And for $15, I got an education in the morons who run CVS.
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