Roomus's Secret to Life
Last year, I came up with this idea that a lot of people liked. It really has changed my whole view of life. Some people (girls) were reluctant to accept this wisdom, but when people realized I had started this bullshit blog, they said to include it. Anything to continue the all-important educational process.
Basically, girls are dumb.
That's the SECRET TO LIFE. Girls are dumb.
Part Two of the Secret to Life is this: They read into everything.
Without humiliating people, I will explain the theory. One friend says, "So this guy invited me over to watch the Superbowl. I get all dressed up, go over, and uhh he's got ten friends there! Isn't he a loser?"
Answer: No. You are the loser. Here's what went through the boy's mind: I have a TV, she wants to watch the game, she needs a TV to watch the game, I have chips and soda here and people, she should come watch.
Here's what went through the girl's mind: Oh my god he likes me! After all, I have anywhere to watch the game, there are tons of TVs everywhere, he wants to watch with me!!! I better get all dressed nicely because I can't go watch the Superbowl on a ratty couch wearing jeans and a sweatshirt! This definitely means he likes me. I have to tell everyone that we're going to be together. This is a sure sign. Yay! I should check out that wedding planner site before I go!"
Yeah. See? All the boy said was, "Do you want to watch the game?" and the dumb girl took that to mean, "I like you, I think we should be together, and I think our chances of marriage are very good."
Scary.
Basically, girls always try to make more (or, in some cases, less) out of a conversation. This is especially dangerous with Instant Message.
Case in point:
DumbGirl01: bye :)
PoorBoy01: talk to you later
DumbGirl01: ok i need you to analyze that, because talk to you later is different than bye... i think it means he wants to talk to me more, you know?
DumbGirl02: definitely. he likes you.
DumbGirl01: you think? he really just said "talk to you later"
DumbGirl02: yeah but he coulda said "bye"
DumbGirl01: you're so right. he definitely likes me!
I wish these were made up.
Seriously. Girls analyze IM like crazy. "Do you think his away message refers to me? Did I do something wrong? Does he hate me? Does this mean he likes me?" (Away Message: food). Or, "He said bye, but he didn't sign off or put up an away message. He hates me." My personal favorite: "He's online, and he's not away, but he's not talking to me. He hates me!"
RIGHT.
Too many girls concern themselves with what guys are "inferring." As in, "He said, 'You're cool.' What do you think that means?" I THINK it means "You are cool." NOT "I like you." Not "I don't like you." And here is the true confusion and genius of this whole idea of not reading into things: you can't know for sure what's going on, besides what is actually being said or written. On IM, you can't account for tone. And in person, you can't account for what he's thinking. That's the problem. Girls are always trying to figure out what a guy is thinking.
Guy says: "I liked that movie."
Girl thinks, "He liked the movie... does that mean he liked the movie or he liked going with me to the movie? Will we go again? He sat real close, his elbow kinda touched mine at some point... He laughed at the funny parts and he did say he liked it before I could say anything, so he must be wanting it to be positive. What should I say back? If I agree, will he just think I'm agreeing to be easy? If I disagree, will I be pessimistic and difficult? It's better that he liked the movie though cause it means the whole night was positive."
Guy thinks, "Man, Lindsay Lohan is hot."
Yeah. That's it. This is ridiculous. I mean, he might actually be thinking about some funny parts or something, but I really highly doubt the same thought process is going through his mind. Yeah, not happening.
Girls just overthink everything. Not that I'm any different really but at least I acknowledge it. I shared this wisdom with some people. Boys were like, "Duh... but please tell [stupid girl]." Girls said, "Nooooo!"
Here's why. The "duh" guys don't like the stupid girls. And the stupid girls all said "noooo" because they know, deep down, the guy doesn't like them. And that's the worst thing you can EVER tell your friend: he's not interested. OUCH!
How many times have girls said, "Why didn't he call me?" And a girl comes up with millions of excuses. "Maybe he lost my number. You think he lost my number? I might have entered it wrong in his cell phone..." (That is the WORST excuse if you ask me. Give me a break. Puh-leaze. You know you entered that thing right because you triple-checked it.) Or, "Maybe he had a lot of work and he couldn't call me at all. It's a busy semester, so I should really give him a few months to get back to me." Am I crazy, or, if a guy is interested, will he call? Maybe I have too much faith in boys, but I really believe that if the guy wants to call, he will! Let's think about it. If you have a paper to do, but something more enticing comes along, don't you screw the paper? At least for an hour? And you think a guy says, "Hmm. I met this wicked cool girl, and I should really call her, but nah, I'll do my lab first"?? NO! He'd call her for fifteen minutes! Maybe not the day after, maybe it would take a few days (girls need to learn to be patient) but a few months? Why do girls give guys so much leeway? I don't think it's because the guy is so great - I think it really has to do with the girl avoiding the worst possible fate that (GASP!) a boy might not like her! She must be stupid! And ugly! And FAT!
This gets very difficult to deal with when you are friends with girls, because you are constantly 1.) reassuring them that they are not fat, ugly, or stupid (in that order) and b.) balancing precariously between not lying to them and giving false hope and between actually telling them the truth and encouraging them to move on. It's so hard. I wish I could just say to my friend, "You're awesome, but he doesn't think so, so find someone who does."
Yeah, I haven't really said that to any of my friends, because I know they'd hate me if I did. Of course, a girl would never come right out and say to me, "That sucked that you said that to me." Instead, she would sit around and mope and I'd ask what was wrong, and she would say, "Nothing," and then I'd push some more and she would finally admit, "Well... I just... do you really think there might be some remote chance that this guy is somewhere without a phone, email, internet, and electricity?" And then I would be forced to just buy into the game and nod and say, "You know, that might have happened, give him a while." And we're back to where we began.
Girls = dumb.
Basically, girls are dumb.
That's the SECRET TO LIFE. Girls are dumb.
Part Two of the Secret to Life is this: They read into everything.
Without humiliating people, I will explain the theory. One friend says, "So this guy invited me over to watch the Superbowl. I get all dressed up, go over, and uhh he's got ten friends there! Isn't he a loser?"
Answer: No. You are the loser. Here's what went through the boy's mind: I have a TV, she wants to watch the game, she needs a TV to watch the game, I have chips and soda here and people, she should come watch.
Here's what went through the girl's mind: Oh my god he likes me! After all, I have anywhere to watch the game, there are tons of TVs everywhere, he wants to watch with me!!! I better get all dressed nicely because I can't go watch the Superbowl on a ratty couch wearing jeans and a sweatshirt! This definitely means he likes me. I have to tell everyone that we're going to be together. This is a sure sign. Yay! I should check out that wedding planner site before I go!"
Yeah. See? All the boy said was, "Do you want to watch the game?" and the dumb girl took that to mean, "I like you, I think we should be together, and I think our chances of marriage are very good."
Scary.
Basically, girls always try to make more (or, in some cases, less) out of a conversation. This is especially dangerous with Instant Message.
Case in point:
DumbGirl01: bye :)
PoorBoy01: talk to you later
DumbGirl01: ok i need you to analyze that, because talk to you later is different than bye... i think it means he wants to talk to me more, you know?
DumbGirl02: definitely. he likes you.
DumbGirl01: you think? he really just said "talk to you later"
DumbGirl02: yeah but he coulda said "bye"
DumbGirl01: you're so right. he definitely likes me!
I wish these were made up.
Seriously. Girls analyze IM like crazy. "Do you think his away message refers to me? Did I do something wrong? Does he hate me? Does this mean he likes me?" (Away Message: food). Or, "He said bye, but he didn't sign off or put up an away message. He hates me." My personal favorite: "He's online, and he's not away, but he's not talking to me. He hates me!"
RIGHT.
Too many girls concern themselves with what guys are "inferring." As in, "He said, 'You're cool.' What do you think that means?" I THINK it means "You are cool." NOT "I like you." Not "I don't like you." And here is the true confusion and genius of this whole idea of not reading into things: you can't know for sure what's going on, besides what is actually being said or written. On IM, you can't account for tone. And in person, you can't account for what he's thinking. That's the problem. Girls are always trying to figure out what a guy is thinking.
Guy says: "I liked that movie."
Girl thinks, "He liked the movie... does that mean he liked the movie or he liked going with me to the movie? Will we go again? He sat real close, his elbow kinda touched mine at some point... He laughed at the funny parts and he did say he liked it before I could say anything, so he must be wanting it to be positive. What should I say back? If I agree, will he just think I'm agreeing to be easy? If I disagree, will I be pessimistic and difficult? It's better that he liked the movie though cause it means the whole night was positive."
Guy thinks, "Man, Lindsay Lohan is hot."
Yeah. That's it. This is ridiculous. I mean, he might actually be thinking about some funny parts or something, but I really highly doubt the same thought process is going through his mind. Yeah, not happening.
Girls just overthink everything. Not that I'm any different really but at least I acknowledge it. I shared this wisdom with some people. Boys were like, "Duh... but please tell [stupid girl]." Girls said, "Nooooo!"
Here's why. The "duh" guys don't like the stupid girls. And the stupid girls all said "noooo" because they know, deep down, the guy doesn't like them. And that's the worst thing you can EVER tell your friend: he's not interested. OUCH!
How many times have girls said, "Why didn't he call me?" And a girl comes up with millions of excuses. "Maybe he lost my number. You think he lost my number? I might have entered it wrong in his cell phone..." (That is the WORST excuse if you ask me. Give me a break. Puh-leaze. You know you entered that thing right because you triple-checked it.) Or, "Maybe he had a lot of work and he couldn't call me at all. It's a busy semester, so I should really give him a few months to get back to me." Am I crazy, or, if a guy is interested, will he call? Maybe I have too much faith in boys, but I really believe that if the guy wants to call, he will! Let's think about it. If you have a paper to do, but something more enticing comes along, don't you screw the paper? At least for an hour? And you think a guy says, "Hmm. I met this wicked cool girl, and I should really call her, but nah, I'll do my lab first"?? NO! He'd call her for fifteen minutes! Maybe not the day after, maybe it would take a few days (girls need to learn to be patient) but a few months? Why do girls give guys so much leeway? I don't think it's because the guy is so great - I think it really has to do with the girl avoiding the worst possible fate that (GASP!) a boy might not like her! She must be stupid! And ugly! And FAT!
This gets very difficult to deal with when you are friends with girls, because you are constantly 1.) reassuring them that they are not fat, ugly, or stupid (in that order) and b.) balancing precariously between not lying to them and giving false hope and between actually telling them the truth and encouraging them to move on. It's so hard. I wish I could just say to my friend, "You're awesome, but he doesn't think so, so find someone who does."
Yeah, I haven't really said that to any of my friends, because I know they'd hate me if I did. Of course, a girl would never come right out and say to me, "That sucked that you said that to me." Instead, she would sit around and mope and I'd ask what was wrong, and she would say, "Nothing," and then I'd push some more and she would finally admit, "Well... I just... do you really think there might be some remote chance that this guy is somewhere without a phone, email, internet, and electricity?" And then I would be forced to just buy into the game and nod and say, "You know, that might have happened, give him a while." And we're back to where we began.
Girls = dumb.
<< Home