Clowns
I was just thinking about clowns. Most clowns are really these unhappy people, or psychos. I'm serious. Have you ever seen "The Greatest Show on Earth"? It's this old movie with old movie stars, and it's about the circus and how life really sucks when you're part of it. Anyhow, on that movie, this clown, Bozo or something (probably Bozo because clowns aren't creative and just about every one has a name with an "ozo" ending or "ongo" or something like that) has this kid he never sees and he's sad all the time. He never takes off his make-up either, which means he never washes his face, which is pretty gross if you ask me. So finally, one day, after years of being part of the circus, genius blonde Holly asks Bozo or whoever why he never takes off his make up. I'm sorry, but wouldn't that be something you'd ask, oh, the third DAY? not like the tenth year. But whatever, I didn't write the story. So Bozo says, "Oh, it's because I murdered somebody/did some major crime/now I can't see my kid/tear tear/I'm a clown now." So, Clown A is a fugitive murderer.
Second Bozo: I don't even know this guy's name, but he was on some Lifetime TV movie once and he was all sad because he had to do this work because he couldn't find anything else, he is homeless, and he just loves to make kids laugh. His true identity was discovered because he was on some street corner and a kid recognized the shoes. Okay, how traumatizing is that? You go to a birthday party, see Bozo all dressed up with these sparkly orange converse, and then you go to the supermarket and see the shoes stickng out behind some dumpster because the clown's passed out at the corner?! And Lifetime thought this was a heartwarming story. Really. The boy and his dope mother brought this homeless guy back with them, gave him some clothes, food, and an APARTMENT and now he can be a clown forever and he doesn't have to live on the streets. Isn't that nice? These people kill me.
Clown Three: Uncle Buck Alumnus. They hired this clown guy, and he showed up driving this clown car. And he was DRUNK. So now, they have this clown guy muttering about how he shouldn't have gone out with this skanky girl, and he's weaving his way to the door. So John Candy opens the door and punches the clown in the face after he realizes he's hired a drunk to entertain eight year olds. He sends him on his way. Great. Now we have a sleazy drunk clown. Wait, wait. We have a sleazy drunk-driving clown! Seriously. Am I making my point here?
Last, and Most Dramatic: This story isn't even fictional. John Wayne Gacy, this serial killer guy, used to dress up as a clown at a local hospital. When he wasn't a clown, he was a pervert/murderer. Or, he was both at the same time, but I guess none of his clients noticed much. Anyhow, he would lure teenage boys into his home, molest them, and then kill them. He killed like tons of kids and hid them in the crawl space in his attic. Then he went back to being a clown during the day and all. He was obviously caught and all these people were shocked, but I bet some just were like, "Yup, well, he was a clown," cause some people know clowns are freaks.
Which makes me think about all the people who are afraid of clowns. There are a lot. Tons of adults hate clowns. Tons of kids are frightened of them. And so many people laugh at these "clownphobes", but you know what, they're onto something. Clowns really are no laughing matter.
Second Bozo: I don't even know this guy's name, but he was on some Lifetime TV movie once and he was all sad because he had to do this work because he couldn't find anything else, he is homeless, and he just loves to make kids laugh. His true identity was discovered because he was on some street corner and a kid recognized the shoes. Okay, how traumatizing is that? You go to a birthday party, see Bozo all dressed up with these sparkly orange converse, and then you go to the supermarket and see the shoes stickng out behind some dumpster because the clown's passed out at the corner?! And Lifetime thought this was a heartwarming story. Really. The boy and his dope mother brought this homeless guy back with them, gave him some clothes, food, and an APARTMENT and now he can be a clown forever and he doesn't have to live on the streets. Isn't that nice? These people kill me.
Clown Three: Uncle Buck Alumnus. They hired this clown guy, and he showed up driving this clown car. And he was DRUNK. So now, they have this clown guy muttering about how he shouldn't have gone out with this skanky girl, and he's weaving his way to the door. So John Candy opens the door and punches the clown in the face after he realizes he's hired a drunk to entertain eight year olds. He sends him on his way. Great. Now we have a sleazy drunk clown. Wait, wait. We have a sleazy drunk-driving clown! Seriously. Am I making my point here?
Last, and Most Dramatic: This story isn't even fictional. John Wayne Gacy, this serial killer guy, used to dress up as a clown at a local hospital. When he wasn't a clown, he was a pervert/murderer. Or, he was both at the same time, but I guess none of his clients noticed much. Anyhow, he would lure teenage boys into his home, molest them, and then kill them. He killed like tons of kids and hid them in the crawl space in his attic. Then he went back to being a clown during the day and all. He was obviously caught and all these people were shocked, but I bet some just were like, "Yup, well, he was a clown," cause some people know clowns are freaks.
Which makes me think about all the people who are afraid of clowns. There are a lot. Tons of adults hate clowns. Tons of kids are frightened of them. And so many people laugh at these "clownphobes", but you know what, they're onto something. Clowns really are no laughing matter.
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